*This is kind of a long post but I desperately need knowledgeable insight, please bear with me.*
I've recently made a discovery about my husband that I'm having a lot of trouble understanding, mainly because he isn't aware I know anything therefore he can't really explain it to me. We've been married for 3 years and I've been with him for 7 yrs so I was under the impression that we knew practically everything about each other until I was cleaning out our basement for a garage sale and got a little too nosey. He has this big wooden chest down there that I'd never really bothered to peek into and never felt the need to do so but for some odd reason I had decided to be a snoop and took a look inside.
Inside was not what I expected (I'd expected maybe some old childhood things, a baby blanket, etc.) but an array of women's clothing and shoes. I should have immediately closed it up and minded my business but I suppose all of my pent up curiosity from never questioning him about the contents of the chest over took me. I started digging through and found several skirts and blouses, a corset, some panties and bras, several costumes (women's costumes). I started to think to myself, "Oh, well I've always known he liked certain clothes on women, found specific shoes and costumes/outfits especially hot, specific lingerie and underwear attractive. Maybe he's just waiting around for the right moment to break this stuff out in the bedroom." Most of the clothes were in my size anyways, or near it. But then I noticed the shoes, they were all shoes in a style I either owned or in a style he knew I liked except they were a size 12. I wear a size 9 shoe. Then I found a pair of fake breasts. I also found 2 sets of leather cuffs.
Now, we've experimented with bondage in our sexual escapades. He's tied me up, I've tied him up. He's never ever tried to keep it a secret from me that he was into bondage. He had movies and magazines. He has clips on his computer and pictures. He has tons of pornography on his computer actually, all bondage related. He's never tried to hide it from me and it's never bothered me, as a matter of fact I'm quite into it. So the cuffs didn't surprise me. The shoes didn't surprise me that much either, he's always had an obvious shoe fetish. What surprised me was the gigantic shoe size and the fake breasts. Also, size 12 women's wouldn't fit me, and I think wouldn't fit him either, since he's a size 12 men's. Wouldn't he need a much larger size? From browsing these forums I've noticed that bondage and cross dressing can sometimes go hand in hand, hence the reason I'm posting my question on this site.
Needless to say I immediately put everything back in the chest and I did not confront him on it, mainly because of my shame for having snooped. I've noticed now how he hides packages he gets in the mail from me, even though I've never once opened mail that's addressed to him. I've noticed now how he doesn't answer the phone a lot when he's home alone and I'm out. Let me just get to the main points of what I need insight on.
- Do you think he's cross dressing?
- If he's not wearing the clothes and shoes, why is the shoe size so large and not the right size for either of us?
- If we've always been open with each other about our sexuality, why is he hiding this from me?
- I don't quite understand the idea of a straight man cross dressing. This is not a statement meant to offend or be intolerant, I am totally accepting of it, I just simply don't understand it. Please explain this to me.
- How can I possibly approach him about this if the way I discovered it was through invading his privacy?
I'll appreciate advice and insight that any of you can give me. I'm actually quite upset about this (mainly because it's been hidden from me for so long) and I'd like to understand it more before I approach my husband (if I can bring myself to admit to him I'm nosey as hell) about it.
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I have a dilemma...need some insight.
Re: I have a dilemma...need some insight.
Yes.PollyTheSquid wrote: - Do you think he's cross dressing? .
They may fit him, or at least close enough. Shoe sizes are not an exact science. I wear a size 8-1/2 or 9 men's shoe, and only a 9-1/2 in women's heels (at least in the brands I have tried). Size charts say I should need a 10-1/2 womens.- If he's not wearing the clothes and shoes, why is the shoe size so large and not the right size for either of us?
He may feel that although you can understand and enjoy the bondage you may be weirded out by the cross dressing (you say you aren't, BRAVO for you). He is obviously not comfortable revealing this to you (yet). It may also be a very personal thing for him, that he does not want to share with anyone. It has to do with why he dresses. (known only to him)- If we've always been open with each other about our sexuality, why is he hiding this from me?
There are many reasons why a man cross dresses. In many cases it is to add a huge level of humiliation to a self bondage scenario. If caught, it is much easier to explain (or for someone else to understand) a nude man in bondage than a cross dressed man in bondage. Some men like to identify with the damsel in distress. For some it helps set the mood, makes them feel more helpless. All these things are an integral part of the experience for the self bondager (male or female).- I don't quite understand the idea of a straight man cross dressing. This is not a statement meant to offend or be intolerant, I am totally accepting of it, I just simply don't understand it. Please explain this to me.
There are several discussions of this in this forum, a little searching will find a lot of opinions and possible explanations.
First, I don't think you can avoid the invasion of privacy thing at this point, although if the box wasn't locked and hidden, it may be that he was (sort of ) hoping you would find it and discover his secret. (maybe not too, so this is shaky ground)- How can I possibly approach him about this if the way I discovered it was through invading his privacy?
I'll appreciate advice and insight that any of you can give me. I'm actually quite upset about this (mainly because it's been hidden from me for so long) and I'd like to understand it more before I approach my husband (if I can bring myself to admit to him I'm nosey as hell) about it.
Second, while I understand this is somewhat of a shock to you, I would ask you to think about this carefully. Are you upset mostly because he hasn't told you about it, or about the actual cross dressing? It sounds to me like you have a very good and loving marriage, with plenty of adventure in your sex life. That is something to be treasured. A little secret fantasy should not be something to get upset about. He is not harming anyone, and he is not going outside the marriage for his secret thrill. Might be best to just let it go and say nothing.
On the other hand, perhaps you could somehow breech the subject of "that box in the basement", and just ask innocently what is in it. He may lie if he is really ashamed of his dressing (or the fact that he hasn't told you) (he may want to, but is now afraid to because of the time lapse).
Or you can take the initiative, and the next time you have him bound, "suddenly" get the idea that he would make a good sissyboy, and put some of your own clothes or underwear on him. Afterward, you can discuss that and see if he liked it. (You probably will be able to judge that while he is tied by the level of his excitement.) This could open a whole new avenue in your sex life. Just tread carefully in whatever you do to not let him know that you already suspect
This is just the opinion of a complete stranger and I'm sure others will have more ideas for all of this. I hope it helps. Good luck with whatever you decide.
There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons - for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons - for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
I will try to give some additional point of view to the excellent things my foreposter said already.
For the records: I am not into crossdressing, but I think some basic principles apply to everything sexually which is not "normal".
Your discovery shows one fundamental truth about relationships: as much as you think you know each other, it is never 100%. And that is one point which can keep a relationship interesting- the possibility to always discover new sides on your beloved person.
As I read your posts, your main concerns seem to be why he is hiding it, and what you should do...not the fact per se that he likes it, so I would like to say a few words.
Keep in mind, though, that I don't know you two any deeper, so all I say is a little bit generalized chit chat.
about hiding a Kink...from my experience, there can be two main reasons for that.
First is shame; this goes often hand in hand with insecurity.
It takes strength to go to your partner and tell him about a special kink of yours; after all, your partner might not accept it at all. Now imagine you yourself are not 100% sure about that kink...the temptation is great then to try to sort that out first, try out some things etc.
The catch is, once you start that, it can become routine...and suddenly it simply feels natural to hide away e.g. your women's clothing from your wife.
The second reason I see is security. If you are already together for a while, certain things have been settled and sorted out. Basically, you know what to expect from each other.
Now again let's try to look into someone elses mind...there is a little dilemma. You have that kink, you want something different...yet your partner loves the person she knows (without the kink). Is a little kink worth the risk of losing that love?
Well, what to make out of this...there is no easy answer to that. Important is that you don't loose your trust or love to each other. You will most likely need much patience and understanding...after all, it sounds like he is hiding this already for a while now, and habits change slowly.
One important question...what do you want? Do you prefer it the way it is now, or do you want to live that crossdressing kink with him?
Especially if you choose the latter, you have a lot of senisble talking ahead. The most important thing: whatever you do, try not to put any form of shame into him. Most likely he will feel a lot of shame and guilt already anyway.
Well that's my two cents so far, I hope it helps you a little
Cheers
FF
For the records: I am not into crossdressing, but I think some basic principles apply to everything sexually which is not "normal".
Your discovery shows one fundamental truth about relationships: as much as you think you know each other, it is never 100%. And that is one point which can keep a relationship interesting- the possibility to always discover new sides on your beloved person.
As I read your posts, your main concerns seem to be why he is hiding it, and what you should do...not the fact per se that he likes it, so I would like to say a few words.
Keep in mind, though, that I don't know you two any deeper, so all I say is a little bit generalized chit chat.
about hiding a Kink...from my experience, there can be two main reasons for that.
First is shame; this goes often hand in hand with insecurity.
It takes strength to go to your partner and tell him about a special kink of yours; after all, your partner might not accept it at all. Now imagine you yourself are not 100% sure about that kink...the temptation is great then to try to sort that out first, try out some things etc.
The catch is, once you start that, it can become routine...and suddenly it simply feels natural to hide away e.g. your women's clothing from your wife.
The second reason I see is security. If you are already together for a while, certain things have been settled and sorted out. Basically, you know what to expect from each other.
Now again let's try to look into someone elses mind...there is a little dilemma. You have that kink, you want something different...yet your partner loves the person she knows (without the kink). Is a little kink worth the risk of losing that love?
Well, what to make out of this...there is no easy answer to that. Important is that you don't loose your trust or love to each other. You will most likely need much patience and understanding...after all, it sounds like he is hiding this already for a while now, and habits change slowly.
One important question...what do you want? Do you prefer it the way it is now, or do you want to live that crossdressing kink with him?
Especially if you choose the latter, you have a lot of senisble talking ahead. The most important thing: whatever you do, try not to put any form of shame into him. Most likely he will feel a lot of shame and guilt already anyway.
Well that's my two cents so far, I hope it helps you a little
Cheers
FF
"Do you suffer from perverted fantasies?"
"Suffer? I whoefully enjoy them!"
"Suffer? I whoefully enjoy them!"
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bound_jenny
- Moderator
- Posts: 10268
- Joined: 09 Dec 2007, 12:37
- Location: Montreal, Canada, Great Kinky North
Re: I have a dilemma...need some insight.
Definitely.PollyTheSquid wrote:- Do you think he's cross dressing?
As I've mentioned elsewhere in the forum, shoe sizes can vary wildly. At Wal-mart alone, I can fit into three different shoe sizes, depending on who made them, and where they come from. Usually, a man's size is two numbers less than an equivalent woman's size. But with three shoe size variations, a woman's 12 can easily fit a man who wears a male 12.PollyTheSquid wrote:If he's not wearing the clothes and shoes, why is the shoe size so large and not the right size for either of us?
Crossdressing is taboo in polite society, at best it is ridiculed and spoofed in the public media. It is still a highly misunderstood part of human sexuality and psychology. I find it quite understandable that he feels a bit ashamed to talk about it. It is also because he's straight and conscious that he's a man. He has an image to uphold as the "man of the house". Pride makes people do weird things.PollyTheSquid wrote:If we've always been open with each other about our sexuality, why is he hiding this from me?
Some men get aroused by wearing women's clothing. It is also not uncommon that men who engage in self-bondage are also crossdressers. There might be some kind of image he is trying to capture by binding himself while being dressed as a woman, like the damsel in distress (he may be hugely turned on by this imagery - so if he ties you up, it will give him a boost). That may also be some kind of escape from daily life (not necessarily daily life with you, but more like the daily responsibility of upholding the male stereotype of high stress, high competition, aggressiveness, etc. - that can be highly demanding and a temporary escape may be beneficial).PollyTheSquid wrote:I don't quite understand the idea of a straight man cross dressing. This is not a statement meant to offend or be intolerant, I am totally accepting of it, I just simply don't understand it. Please explain this to me.
The aforementioned pride may also factor into this - as cdinbonds explained, the humiliation factor could contribute.
First, don't run yourself ragged by worrying about anything. And certainly let yourself cool off so the initial shock wears off. There's nothing like a cool head to enter a delicate situation.PollyTheSquid wrote:How can I possibly approach him about this if the way I discovered it was through invading his privacy?
One approach, since you are already having some spice in your sex life through bondage, is that once you have him tied up and at your mercy, put one of your own bras around his chest, straps down (mainly because his arms will be bound), and watch his reaction. Start rubbing, tickling and licking his nipples, and let nature take its course. It's likely that he'll show you his box himself.
Another is to bring it up openly, honestly, "I found your box in the basement the other day." Pause for psychological effect, then "I like the idea" with a conspiratorial, sensual smile.
Whichever approach you eventually do take, be supportive of him at all times. He will likely suffer a shock similar to yours and will go through a range of emotions (starting with shame) just like you did. It's normal and you must show that you accept him and love him just as much as before. It is just another way of adding spice to your sex lives. Share in it.
Big hugs help too.
Like I said, cool off first and digest the information and advice that people here are giving. This is not a catastrophe and any ill effects can be avoided with communication and an open attitude. He must not feel ashamed to share his deepest fantasies with you.PollyTheSquid wrote:I'll appreciate advice and insight that any of you can give me. I'm actually quite upset about this (mainly because it's been hidden from me for so long) and I'd like to understand it more before I approach my husband (if I can bring myself to admit to him I'm nosey as hell) about it.
Good luck, Polly. Our thoughts are with you.
Jenny.
Helplessness is a doorway to the innermost reaches of the soul.
If my corset isn't tight, it just isn't right!
Kink is the spice of life!
Come to the Dark Side - we have cookies!
If my corset isn't tight, it just isn't right!
Kink is the spice of life!
Come to the Dark Side - we have cookies!
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PollyTheSquid
- *
- Posts: 6
- Joined: 10 Oct 2008, 05:39
Wow. You guy's have been so helpful. Anywhere else, internet-wise, that I've shared the situation or tried to seek some information about the psychology of cross-dressing, no one would take me seriously. I was pretty much sure he was wearing the shoes and clothes but I wanted some confirmation without having to spy on him when he thinks I'm not home, since I've pretty much spied enough for my own good.
@cdinbonds
@Fesselfan
@bound_jenny
I'm thinking I'm going to let this go for now. I'm starting to become convinced this is something he does by himself and he doesn't wish to involve me. At first it made me a little jealous that I wasn't being involved in it but after some thinking I've realized it does involve me. He doesn't want me to know because he wants the thrill of me suddenly coming home and finding him. Or so, this is what I'm assuming.
Maybe I'll keep making vague suggestions on the subject and see if I can get him to reveal to me himself. If he doesn't decide to tell me himself, I'm going to respect his privacy and assume this is a solo thing for him. Thanks so much for everyone's responses by the way. I was a little afraid I'd be attacked for not understanding or immediately being excited about the idea. I can see now that this community is very helpful and polite. I think I understand more now on the subject of cross dressing and as a matter of fact, I feel almost 100% better about the situation.
.
@cdinbonds
I'm definitely not weirded out by cross dressing but I don't find it sexually arousing unless a man is going to go the whole 9 yards with it. Like, shave the legs and the face, put on makeup, don a wig, etc. I'm pretty sure he's not going that far, since I'd notice if his legs and face were baby smooth. I didn't find a wig in the box. Point is, that it doesn't weird me out or disgust me but I don't think I would want to involve it when it comes to sex between me and him.He may feel that although you can understand and enjoy the bondage you may be weirded out by the cross dressing (you say you aren't, BRAVO for you). He is obviously not comfortable revealing this to you (yet).
You made a good point here that hadn't even crossed my mind. I found his stash and immediately thought of how it would effect me. I didn't once think that maybe this has nothing to do with me at all. Now, I'm almost sure it has nothing to do with me and it's something he wants to do by himself, in private. It makes sense because he's shared everything else with me, this he would rather keep to himself, I suppose.It may also be a very personal thing for him, that he does not want to share with anyone. It has to do with why he dresses. (known only to him)
I think the main reason this has upset me, now that I've thought about it more , is the fact it doesn't involve me. That's kind of a childish and selfish reason to be upset I know, but the idea that I can't give him the kind of pleasure he is seeking by cross dressing makes me a little jealous. Jealous of inanimate objects, silly I know.Second, while I understand this is somewhat of a shock to you, I would ask you to think about this carefully. Are you upset mostly because he hasn't told you about it, or about the actual cross dressing?
I actually made a joke once (after finding the chest) when he was tied that I was going to put my clothes and makeup on him. He pulled off a pretty convincing act that he would hate the idea. I'm guessing either (A) He isn't ready to admit to me that he enjoys it and lied (B) He doesn't want to involve me at all, he prefers it to be a solo endeavor forever or (C) He wants to pretend he hates it and have me "force" him to do it.Or you can take the initiative, and the next time you have him bound, "suddenly" get the idea that he would make a good sissyboy, and put some of your own clothes or underwear on him. Afterward, you can discuss that and see if he liked it.
You make another good point here. I'd rather him be wearing those shoes and clothes than another man or woman. I never considered that he would be into self-bondage, even though he thoroughly enjoyed being tied up. Now I'm thinking otherwise.A little secret fantasy should not be something to get upset about. He is not harming anyone, and he is not going outside the marriage for his secret thrill. Might be best to just let it go and say nothing.
@Fesselfan
He has always been a little bit insecure, especially about sexual things. While I knew from about the first year of dating that he was into bondage and everything I know about it, I've learned from him, I actually had to take the initiative of bringing it into the bedroom.First is shame; this goes often hand in hand with insecurity
I prefer it the way it is, honestly. I mean, I'd like to delve a little further into bondage that involves both of us. But as I said before, I honestly don't find the idea of him in women's clothes arousing. I'm not disgusted by it but I'm not excited by it. Also, after considering some of the things that cdinbonds said, I'm pretty sure this is something he wants to do by himself anyways. I would like for it to not be hidden though. It almost feels as if he doesn't trust me with the information. But then again, if I knew about him cross dressing and binding himself up, maybe that would take away the thrill for him.One important question...what do you want? Do you prefer it the way it is now, or do you want to live that crossdressing kink with him?
@bound_jenny
You've made so many good points in your entire reply that I can't even counter them with a response. But you've also made an excellent point here. I don't want to make him feel cornered or ashamed of what he's doing.Like I said, cool off first and digest the information and advice that people here are giving. This is not a catastrophe and any ill effects can be avoided with communication and an open attitude. He must not feel ashamed to share his deepest fantasies with you.
I'm thinking I'm going to let this go for now. I'm starting to become convinced this is something he does by himself and he doesn't wish to involve me. At first it made me a little jealous that I wasn't being involved in it but after some thinking I've realized it does involve me. He doesn't want me to know because he wants the thrill of me suddenly coming home and finding him. Or so, this is what I'm assuming.
Maybe I'll keep making vague suggestions on the subject and see if I can get him to reveal to me himself. If he doesn't decide to tell me himself, I'm going to respect his privacy and assume this is a solo thing for him. Thanks so much for everyone's responses by the way. I was a little afraid I'd be attacked for not understanding or immediately being excited about the idea. I can see now that this community is very helpful and polite. I think I understand more now on the subject of cross dressing and as a matter of fact, I feel almost 100% better about the situation.
.
Hi Polly
Heres a few thoughts from a straight cross dresser that likes bondage
First thing to say is that cross dressing is totally harmless, there are loads of straight men all over the world that cross dress in private, not many people know about us because we don't advertise the fact unlike our gay drag queen sisters LOL.
I think a lot of women worry that their partner will want to have a sex change and think, oh my god! what will family, friends and neighbours say? The majority of cross dressers do not want a sex change they just like to wear women’s clothes for a couple of hours every know and then.
A lot of women also feel jealous 'as you do' that they are excluded and annoyed they've been kept in the dark, all I can say is try not to, for one it does not change the way he feels about you and secondly it will be one hell of a burden for him too.
I personally cross dressed from an early age and realised from the start that everybody else didn't do it, so I kept it secret for 25 years, it’s not easy to have a secret and eventually it got too much for me and I told my mother, I was over thirty though
I hide my cross dressing, I'll try to explain why
- I feel ashamed that I want to wear women’s clothes and hence I don't conform to the male stereo type
- I know that I look ridiculous
- I would also be worried that a partner would be disgusted by it and leave me, after all men are supposed to be strong, confident and macho and I'm hardly that when I'm wearing a leotard. Even if a partner said she didn't mind I would still find it very hard to accept that she was telling the truth.
Why do I cross dress, a lot of the reasons have been mentioned above but here is another
I absolutely love women, but I've never been that successful with them, therefore I find a confident beautiful women extremely desirable but I have very little contact with them.
I cross dress almost as a tribute to the beauty of women and love to wear any clothes that accentuate the female form.
I have always been too embarrassed to ask past partners to wear High Heels etc for me, for fear of being called a perv or weirdo. I would have loved it if they had done though.
I imagine your partner is the same. I don't know if you ever wear this type of clothing for him but I bet you would get a very favourable response if you did.
I know my past partners wouldn't because they had body confidence issues of there own, even though I knew they would look great if they did. I did my best pay them compliments and boost their confidence but all the Glossy magazines showing airbrushed perfection had convinced them otherwise. What I will say is that there is not a woman alive that doesn't look great in a pair of high heels.
As to whether he wants it to remain a secret I can't answer this one I'm afraid. Personally now I'm a bit older I would love to have a partner involved, I would love to have sex, with us both wearing sexy clothes or be tied up while cross dressed but finding a partner that would allow it seems so unlikely that I try not to think about it at all. The shame bit comes into it as well.
When I was younger however I thought differently, the fact it was a secret and there was a chance of discovery provided a thrill
Don’t know if any of this will have been helpful, but I hope so, at the end of the day its not the end of the world and could be the gateway to a lot of fun for you both if and when he tells you, or you ask him
Heres a few thoughts from a straight cross dresser that likes bondage
First thing to say is that cross dressing is totally harmless, there are loads of straight men all over the world that cross dress in private, not many people know about us because we don't advertise the fact unlike our gay drag queen sisters LOL.
I think a lot of women worry that their partner will want to have a sex change and think, oh my god! what will family, friends and neighbours say? The majority of cross dressers do not want a sex change they just like to wear women’s clothes for a couple of hours every know and then.
A lot of women also feel jealous 'as you do' that they are excluded and annoyed they've been kept in the dark, all I can say is try not to, for one it does not change the way he feels about you and secondly it will be one hell of a burden for him too.
I personally cross dressed from an early age and realised from the start that everybody else didn't do it, so I kept it secret for 25 years, it’s not easy to have a secret and eventually it got too much for me and I told my mother, I was over thirty though
I hide my cross dressing, I'll try to explain why
- I feel ashamed that I want to wear women’s clothes and hence I don't conform to the male stereo type
- I know that I look ridiculous
- I would also be worried that a partner would be disgusted by it and leave me, after all men are supposed to be strong, confident and macho and I'm hardly that when I'm wearing a leotard. Even if a partner said she didn't mind I would still find it very hard to accept that she was telling the truth.
Why do I cross dress, a lot of the reasons have been mentioned above but here is another
I absolutely love women, but I've never been that successful with them, therefore I find a confident beautiful women extremely desirable but I have very little contact with them.
I cross dress almost as a tribute to the beauty of women and love to wear any clothes that accentuate the female form.
I have always been too embarrassed to ask past partners to wear High Heels etc for me, for fear of being called a perv or weirdo. I would have loved it if they had done though.
I imagine your partner is the same. I don't know if you ever wear this type of clothing for him but I bet you would get a very favourable response if you did.
I know my past partners wouldn't because they had body confidence issues of there own, even though I knew they would look great if they did. I did my best pay them compliments and boost their confidence but all the Glossy magazines showing airbrushed perfection had convinced them otherwise. What I will say is that there is not a woman alive that doesn't look great in a pair of high heels.
As to whether he wants it to remain a secret I can't answer this one I'm afraid. Personally now I'm a bit older I would love to have a partner involved, I would love to have sex, with us both wearing sexy clothes or be tied up while cross dressed but finding a partner that would allow it seems so unlikely that I try not to think about it at all. The shame bit comes into it as well.
When I was younger however I thought differently, the fact it was a secret and there was a chance of discovery provided a thrill
Don’t know if any of this will have been helpful, but I hope so, at the end of the day its not the end of the world and could be the gateway to a lot of fun for you both if and when he tells you, or you ask him
hello polly,
i just now have the time to answer your inquiry, and a lot of what i wanted
to say has already been said. so i think i will stick to some basic points.
about crossdressing:
cdinbonds already said, that while BDSM has gone kind of "mainstream"
and is "accepted" as a major kink crossdressing is not.
basically there are 2 kinds of crossdressing.
there are the openly gay TV's & dragqueens, and i don't think you are dealing with that category.
the other one is the "straight" crossdressers, who do it for different reasons, and they have been mentioned in this thread here.
to make it short, your man, when dolling himself up & putting on the bonds
probably fantasizes about a "lesbian love affair" with you.
*and i'm not coming out of left field here. i crossdress myself. my wife does enjoy topping me in "regular" BDSM, though we have yet to incorporate myself cd'ing into the game. the difference to your situation is
that i don't hide my stuff, it's in there among our other toys, and i'll be dammed if she doesn't know about the large size highheels that take up a
lot of space in the closet. since she had a catholic upbringing in latin-
america i'm kind of gonna wait for her to "drag" that outta me.*
you said he has tons of bondage porn, and you kind of enjoy it, and the kinky games you play.
why isn't your husband going the whole 9 yards? *i think he probably would, fake breasts and all*
# the "shame" as cdinbonds mentioned
# shaving legs, arms & body may be a bit of complicated when it comes to his job.
# most man are not good with applying makeup * i know i ain't, takes practice, and you usually don't have that much time to play, if you are trying to hide it from your partner*
so, you want to talk about this with him? what would your reaction be, if he would be willing to go the whole 9 yards ?
so many possibilities. you could go shopping together, or take evening walks together.
another advantage of having a crossdressing male is they usually are
more sensitive to, and willing to fullfill the sexual needs of their partner.
so, you wanna talk about this with him ?
i usually don't think a surprise is a good idea, but as boundjenny mentioned, take advantage of the kink you already having going
in your relationship.
tie him spreadeagled to the bed, blindfold him, use tease & denial to get him hot. let him cool off, and say "be right back". slip into one of his outfits. *i think you said they would fit you* get him hot again, take care of his nipples. tease them with your nails, mention how they would look that much sweeter if they were enhanced with lipstick. do it, and see how he reacts to that. if it goes well, apply the lipstick where it belongs, his lips.
let his tongue do the talking on your "pleasure spots".
only afterwards let him see what you are wearing. he will probably be shocked, but he ist still bound, and you can talk about this, while you apply
mascara & eyeshadow on him
feel free to drop me a pm, if you want to elaborate on this topic.
PL
i just now have the time to answer your inquiry, and a lot of what i wanted
to say has already been said. so i think i will stick to some basic points.
about crossdressing:
cdinbonds already said, that while BDSM has gone kind of "mainstream"
and is "accepted" as a major kink crossdressing is not.
basically there are 2 kinds of crossdressing.
there are the openly gay TV's & dragqueens, and i don't think you are dealing with that category.
the other one is the "straight" crossdressers, who do it for different reasons, and they have been mentioned in this thread here.
to make it short, your man, when dolling himself up & putting on the bonds
probably fantasizes about a "lesbian love affair" with you.
*and i'm not coming out of left field here. i crossdress myself. my wife does enjoy topping me in "regular" BDSM, though we have yet to incorporate myself cd'ing into the game. the difference to your situation is
that i don't hide my stuff, it's in there among our other toys, and i'll be dammed if she doesn't know about the large size highheels that take up a
lot of space in the closet. since she had a catholic upbringing in latin-
america i'm kind of gonna wait for her to "drag" that outta me.*
and this is where it get's interesting.PollyTheSquid wrote: I'm definitely not weirded out by cross dressing but I don't find it sexually arousing unless a man is going to go the whole 9 yards with it. Like, shave the legs and the face, put on makeup, don a wig, etc. I'm pretty sure he's not going that far, since I'd notice if his legs and face were baby smooth. I didn't find a wig in the box. Point is, that it doesn't weird me out or disgust me but I don't think I would want to involve it when it comes to sex between me and him.
you said he has tons of bondage porn, and you kind of enjoy it, and the kinky games you play.
why isn't your husband going the whole 9 yards? *i think he probably would, fake breasts and all*
# the "shame" as cdinbonds mentioned
# shaving legs, arms & body may be a bit of complicated when it comes to his job.
# most man are not good with applying makeup * i know i ain't, takes practice, and you usually don't have that much time to play, if you are trying to hide it from your partner*
so, you want to talk about this with him? what would your reaction be, if he would be willing to go the whole 9 yards ?
so many possibilities. you could go shopping together, or take evening walks together.
another advantage of having a crossdressing male is they usually are
more sensitive to, and willing to fullfill the sexual needs of their partner.
so, you wanna talk about this with him ?
i usually don't think a surprise is a good idea, but as boundjenny mentioned, take advantage of the kink you already having going
in your relationship.
tie him spreadeagled to the bed, blindfold him, use tease & denial to get him hot. let him cool off, and say "be right back". slip into one of his outfits. *i think you said they would fit you* get him hot again, take care of his nipples. tease them with your nails, mention how they would look that much sweeter if they were enhanced with lipstick. do it, and see how he reacts to that. if it goes well, apply the lipstick where it belongs, his lips.
let his tongue do the talking on your "pleasure spots".
only afterwards let him see what you are wearing. he will probably be shocked, but he ist still bound, and you can talk about this, while you apply
mascara & eyeshadow on him
feel free to drop me a pm, if you want to elaborate on this topic.
PL
OK Pollythesquid, what pony lady said about how to reveal and discuss sounds good and safe.
As has already been mentioned, even within the Kink/Fetish/BDSM community CDs TVs and TGs are still normally the odd man/woman out. While it IS possible that he would prefer to keep this particular kink to himself, it is more probable he would want to be able to share it with you. Hell it is even possible that he is into Forced Feminization, or could be but doesn't know it.
I lost a girlfriend once because she could not accept my "Dressing". But for my current girlfriend it is a wild turn on. Especially since I look prettier than her when I'm all dolled up.
Even if it turns out that he doesn't want you to participate when he indulges himself, it WILL still be beneficial to both of you that you both know that each of you are aware of and acknowledge his habit.
As has already been mentioned, even within the Kink/Fetish/BDSM community CDs TVs and TGs are still normally the odd man/woman out. While it IS possible that he would prefer to keep this particular kink to himself, it is more probable he would want to be able to share it with you. Hell it is even possible that he is into Forced Feminization, or could be but doesn't know it.
I lost a girlfriend once because she could not accept my "Dressing". But for my current girlfriend it is a wild turn on. Especially since I look prettier than her when I'm all dolled up.
Even if it turns out that he doesn't want you to participate when he indulges himself, it WILL still be beneficial to both of you that you both know that each of you are aware of and acknowledge his habit.
"I find it far more annoying when the universe makes me work for damnation. I prefer it just gave it to me and save me the effort"
Hi Polly
Your husban most likly holds the "secret" because he is afraid of hurting,
or even loosing you. A man's feelings does not take rejection very well.
Some men even commit suside after a devorce with crossing was the
reason for the split. Remember he loves you and respects your love
of him. He wants no way to up set your felings. I know it happend
to me. My first wife found a few things I thought I had hidden away;
after she show them to me, I explained and explained, but she would
not here of it. 3 weeks later she filed for a devorce. I was ready to crawl
into a hole. She told every one in the small town we lived in, what shame.
Now I have a lovely wife that lets me dress on occasion, and it is great.
Good luck with your Man.
Your husban most likly holds the "secret" because he is afraid of hurting,
or even loosing you. A man's feelings does not take rejection very well.
Some men even commit suside after a devorce with crossing was the
reason for the split. Remember he loves you and respects your love
of him. He wants no way to up set your felings. I know it happend
to me. My first wife found a few things I thought I had hidden away;
after she show them to me, I explained and explained, but she would
not here of it. 3 weeks later she filed for a devorce. I was ready to crawl
into a hole. She told every one in the small town we lived in, what shame.
Now I have a lovely wife that lets me dress on occasion, and it is great.
Good luck with your Man.
