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Shannon SteelSlave wrote:To see the entire series, please click to this thread : viewtopic.php?f=14&t=10241&p=110207#p110205
Now back to our regularly scheduled programme, "Looking for relationship advice", already in progress......

and yet again Shannon's firm hand on the tiller steers us back on course.

I think any relationship has to be honest and open from the start, no good hiding something that when brought out or found out later causes trouble.

bounddosster wrote:

Shannon SteelSlave wrote:To see the entire series, please click to this thread : viewtopic.php?f=14&t=10241&p=110207#p110205
Now back to our regularly scheduled programme, "Looking for relationship advice", already in progress......

and yet again Shannon's firm hand on the tiller steers us back on course.

Yeah, I decided to remote my "contributions" since this might not be the best place to prove once again, that it ain't over until everyone is just shy of saying "Enough already Shannon!". Then you have to watch the tomatoes........ Don't need to be makin' a mess up in here.

Hi, I just wanted to post a quick update. Zero luck so far and my social anxiety isn't helping at all; the more I look around the more I realize that male subs are the red-headed step children at least of where I am looking. It is basically just all female subs and male doms. I guess others might have different experiences with that.

Not giving up just yet, but I now see why most people here stick with self-bondage not partnered bondage. Engineering controls are just so much easier than dealing with humans.

Patience; rome wasn‘t build in one day.

Finding a suitable partner for a kinky LTR usually takes time.

One tip about your „social anxiety“:
Maybe try to interacting with females in everyday settings in a demure
Fashion; opening doors for them upon shop entry with a friendly „hello, may i?“
There are many more examples of displaying gentlemanly courtesy. When you
Think about this you‘ll come up with more options yourself.

And this tip is not about you „hitting“ someone in everyday settings; it‘s about
Accquiring „competence“ in social interacting. Opening doors, offering your spot
In the cashiers line are low level interactions that can build up your
Confidence and help you once it gets „serious“.

Well I am back and here to pester y'all for some more advice. I met someone online, we met up in a public place and it went pretty well.

They said that I am not really what they are looking for (I think they were looking for someone more masculine, like someone in a motorcycle gang i guess) but are willing to be friends and tie me up on occasion. We had tentative plans to meetup at their place and do some crafts and hopefully some bondage. My question is should I be worried, we got along pretty well and they were ok to do bondage with clothes on. I would feel pretty silly booking a hotel or something especially since we were going to some other stuff first and booking a place would preclude that?

Second question, they are not familiar with bondage techniques and stuff; I agreed to walk them through some ties but does anyone have suggestions for ties for a newbie? I was thinking of going an elbow tie since that is relatively simple but is very difficult to do it well with self-bondage.

Thanks for everyone that has posted, I appreciate your thoughts.

Better safe than sorry: make sure you have a backup calling you at a appointed time when meeting them at their place.

Personally, I think it's too dangerous to elbow tie with a beginner (see beginning of viewtopic.php?f=7&t=13413&p=99298&hilit=avoid#p99298).
Personally, I would never try it with a beginner, unless you can train him with very simple bindings that you can get out of quickly. Together you can then grow to trust each other.
But first knots that are completely removed with one tug on the rope. And tie a single column first, then tie a double column and work up like that giving the comments each time how tight they can tie (the 2 finger test).
No alcohol and no drugs involved.

And same idea as ponylady, Even if possible in the same room or the room next to it so that he can intervene immediately if necessary.

ponylady wrote:Better safe than sorry: make sure you have a backup calling you at a appointed time when meeting them at their place.

What Pony said!

Make sure a trusted person has knowledge of where you are and pre-arrange a phone call at a given hour. Also agree on a safe-word that seems innocuous to anyone else but tells your trusted person to send the cavalry - just in case you're coerced to falsely say you're OK. Cover all the bases.

And no complicated or restrictive ties.

We like our members healthy and alive.

Jenny.

bounddosster wrote:I think any relationship has to be honest and open from the start, no good hiding something that when brought out or found out later causes trouble.

I wanted to give advice about this. I am now married and my husband and I practice bondage and other things. And I did not know that there are so many different entertainments in bed before I met him. My world was limited to standard sex, blowjobs, cunnilingus, and 69. My husband is a very wise and clever person. When we met, he did not say anything about his interests in sex, because he understood that I might not understand him. And for the first six months, we had regular sex and a little more. However, about six months after we met, he began to ask what I was interested in and if I knew anything about sex toys. I was scared, but we tried a butt plug, then a vibrator. Then there are many more toys. So a year has passed. We got married. And now we have been married for two years and try different types of sex. We are trying new things. Quite often, it is he who starts the topic of conversation about something new, for example, about bondaging or handcuffing.

So that's what I was talking about. You need to find a partner who will love and trust you so that you can try new things together and learn from each other. And sooner or later you will come to what you like, but you will do it safely and with a trusted person.

Welcome to BoundAnna, katebush and thanks for these wise words.

Welcome to Bound Anna, Kate.

Initial question:

It's all about priorities.
I decided against kinky dating (apps), because I wanted my relationship should be somewhat kinky, but not be defined by kinks.
Obviously it is a topic to bring up quite early, to assure that the new or potential partner at least is interested to hear and try your preferences.
Which of course makes explaining, discussing und (re-)exploring kinks together a long term project of your relationship. I am in a similar situation as katebushs partner (probably was a while ago).

katebush wrote:You need to find a partner who will love and trust you so that you can try new things together and learn from each other. And sooner or later you will come to what you like, but you will do it safely and with a trusted person.

There is no need to discuss every fantasy you've ever had, but there should be no reason to keep something secret.

bounddosster wrote:I think any relationship has to be honest and open from the start, no good hiding something that when brought out or found out later causes trouble.

Nothing takes more time and patience than finding, establishing and maintaining a good relationship. Knowing what you want and don't want is a huge advantage.


Bondage with Beginners:
In my experience a Karada is great to get some experince with rope bondage, try how tight knots should be, feels awesome, and all of that comes without actually restraining movement.
And single column ties at arms/legs can easily be connected using snap hooks or thin strings/threads that can be torn through with little force.

That sounds like a good opportunity to explore some bondage together. Have fun and stay safe; what jenny said.