Assisted self-bondage?

[slobin]

Thesis: the traditional dichotomy of the whole bdsm activity into bdsm
itself (Master-Slave relations) and self-bondage is inadequate.

Why? Because some kink people dislike words like "control", "submit",
"dominate", the very idea that one human being may have a power over
other one. On the other hand, they do like words like "quest", "dare",
"challenge", the very idea of being smart and solving a predicament.

Of course these kink people can find themselves in self-bondage. This
site itself devoted mainly for such scenarios: you invent a situation
where you must solve some task to get free. So, what is the problem?

The word "self-bondage" suggests that you create a dare for yourself
all alone. Therefore all this smart release mechanics, complex safety
schemes and so on. But why not involve a second person in the game?

Don't call him "Master", call him "Assistant". He does not dictate his
will to you, he does not give you any surprising commands, he does not
have any power over you. He just helps you to implement your scenario.

The key idea is, instead of using smart release gadgets, the assistant
promises to you to release you when you will complete you task, and he
also promises you NOT to release you until you complete it. And, of
course, he can release you in emergency (much safer than second key),
and he can enjoy your predicament.

Or, if you like the idea that you release depends not on some human (too
human) being, but on some objective and incorruptible thing, you can
keep release gadgets in place (just as in usual self-bondage scenario).
The role of assistant is then limited by helping you to install all
necessary stuff, and than looking at you and NOT helping you (unless in
real danger).

I believe such assistant involving scenarios may be of a some interest
for people here. How do you think, are they worth publishing here? I am
going to post one such scenario real soon now. If people will like it,
we will continue, and if not -- one wrong post will not ruin my karma.

[deej]

I think the whole problem is that we don't trust other people with the a secret we keep of liking to be bound.
In my case my wife dislike the whole bdsm scene and doesn't wanna help me.
But she let's me do my thing alone.

[Dark_Lizerd]

SO... as your "assistant", I help you get set up, watch you have all the fun, and don't include myself someway in your fun....
I think this is one of those things that sound good on paper, but....
I think your assistant would want to include himself more into your scenario than just tie and release... IE: tighten this rope, adjust that one, add clips, add weights to the clips, and lets not forget.... applying a paddle to the explosed cheeks....
And with you gaged, you won't be able to say "no."....

Just my thought... could make this a poll...
As an assistant, would you:
Just set-up and release.
or get involved?
(I bet more people may start to just help, then begin to help them self...)

[LoRee]

This reminds me when I was growing up of ALL the misinformation I got regarding the opposite sex. I was told by all my peers that "Women are all the same". Of course this was never the case. As with practitioners of self bondage, we all do it for different reasons. As previously stated some don't trust other people. And people like myself are simply too impatient to wait on others to help. I'd love to have assistance with more than just bondage. But I find it too difficult to find someone to play with, so I play by myself when necessary. Which is way more often than I like.
I'd like to find some one, like Dark_Lizerd,s post suggests, who'd promised to limit their involvement to assistant/spectator only to take unfair advantage of me once I was helplessly bound and gagged. *sigh* I should get so lucky.

[slobin]

As previously stated some don't trust other people.

There are many couples that trust each other enough but just don't like the idea of "dominance" or "slavery" or all this stuff. It's much easy to get a consent for a dare that for a bdsm scene. And, for technical details, there are a lot of possibilities:

- If the scenario involves completing some task to get free, both parties may agree that interfering to task solving itself is unfair, but attempts to force the victim's lose of concentration by fondling her strategic parts is OK.

- If both parties agree that any interference is unfair, to abstain for such activity is a good dare for assistant, so both parties are dared. And, if you are not only partners in assisted sb, but also lovers, such a self-control is rewarded by good sex afterwards.

- The scenario may even not include any bondage, just a dare. The idea behind this is that saying "I have done this!" to somebody is much more appealing that saying this to oneself only. People are better motivated not to chicken when someone observes to them.

[curious_sb]

I hear what you say slobin, but I am with Loree on this people do sb for different reasons, but I guess if we all had balls of steel, a willing partner and a full bdsm lifestyle, none of us would be here talking on a forum about self-bondage.

I tell you what there would be nothing more I would want than to be the groom at a wedding as described in "The Dark One"....

...bridesmaids in rubber crotchless maids uniforms (stuck on tiptoes with dildo sticks rising out of the ground penetrating deep inside them and preventing them going anywhere), a bride cuffed and gagged, and blindfolded, and in a white rubber wedding dress, being led down the aisle on a leash etc...

but HELLOOOOO welcome to project reality!!!! What would my parents say, how would all the distant family react, how would HER family react....not gonna happen is it??

[bound_jenny]

I want to be the bride! But a few adjustments are in order...

Let's see... white latex stockings, white ballet heels, a brutally tight corset under the gown, a hobble skirt under the gown's skirt, the leash attached to a high white collar, the gag has to be a full head harness, and the cuffs exchanged for a nice white monoglove that really really pulls the arms back.
And a second leash attached to some nipple clamps just in case I get reluctant. Anything I missed?

That would be my dream wedding...

Jenny.

[curious_sb]

I think I found love....LOL

[jake]

Haha, I think my parents would die on the spot.

[bound_jenny]

My dad would have had a heart attack, my mom would have said "Pfff... And I thought I was weird..." (not a very emotional one, my mom - nothing fazed her). My aunt Margo probably would have expelled the big stick she has up her butt and had a stroke (a real prude and very hoity-toity - my mom always managed to ruffle her feathers - on purpose).

But then there are a lot of things much less... extravagant... that offspring do that make their parents and other relatives raise their eyebrows.

Jenny.

[curious_sb]

My dad would have had a heart attack.

But would he have died happy? Or died of shock / horror? LOL.

My folks I think (if they did not die of sheer horror) would disown me, completely, if I did anything like that. I think they'd come round to me again eventually but they are the very traditional types, not in the least bit kink.

[curious_sb]

Haha, I think my parents would die on the spot.

Same here, but hey, you all know my deepest darkest fantasy now, so don't tell anyone else...shhhh keep it secret, keep it safe.

[bound_jenny]

But would he have died happy? Or died of shock / horror? LOL.

My mom always needled my dad by calling him a "conservative" - he never did anything too far off the beaten path.

So I guess it would be shock.

Jenny.

[Rhettz]

I'm not sure whether this is in the right place but on the subject of assisted self-bondage I’d love to practice some really devious and challenging self-bondage. The problem is that I don’t have anyone I can share my fantasies with so there is no-one that I can get to call me after a couple of hours to check that I’ve managed to free myself. I’m married and my self-bondage is usually during the daytime or when my Wife goes away for the night occasionally. My Wife and I do practice occasional bondage but she would probably be horrified to learn some of my perverted ideas so my self-bondage tends to be sessions I know I can free myself from easily.

What we need is a website or database with personal contact details and the ability to register with the site when we plan to do a self-bondage session. If we don’t check back in by the allotted time then a pre-agreed emergency plan could be invoked. This may simply be for someone to phone a trusted contact or maybe we could set up a network of ‘trusted’ friends in each area.

I’m not sure how we would set this up or who would manage the process but wonder whether anyone’s got any views on whether something like this might work?

[Warlock]

That is possible, but there are a couple of minor kinks in your plan ... well actually they are all over 18, uh, sorry, I mean to say "no pun intended".

The first minor kink is that such a site would require implicit trust between the users and the administrator ... You're putting a lot of personal info on there and stating that you're in to bondage.

The second minor kink is that is poses quite a technically challenge to implement such a system in a safe and secure manner.

In practice, what you're suggesting would require what is technically known as a "web of trust" ... a system where by personX asserts that they have met personY in person, can demonstrate proof of personX's identity, and is reasonably sure personX is "kosher". Through such a system, you could establish a network of people that could be trusted with such information, and could be trusted to do the right thing.

Sadly there are still more obvious pitfalls in that idea, not least of which is the apparent dislike of members of this site to meet in person.

Also, it's a bit of a challenge to really be sure that someone is "kosher" for our purposes.

It's a nice idea though.