Ever made yourself cry in SB?
Posted: 18 Apr 2016, 06:15
So, I decided to make this thread after posting a story in my DIY whipping device thread. Basically, I like making myself cry. I like it a lot. Unfortunately that's pretty hard to do with just myself. It would be so much easier with another person. The main problem doing it solo is that not only do you have to receive and endure whatever painful stimuli is going on, you also have to administer it. I find this very much changes the way my mind approaches things. It prevents me from letting go and just letting it happen, feeling the sensations and... well enjoying it. Instead I'm focused on trying to get it right - hit the right place, find the right strength, whatever. And so yeah, it's a lot different.
But a few times I have been successful in making myself cry. It's always been when I was bound and the painful thing was out of my control(so my mind could just be submissive and not have to worry about the rest). My favorite time is the story I told in that other thread, I will repeat it here:
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Basically I selfbound myself in a hog tie on my bed. Attached to the arches of my feet were TENs pads, the wires went up my legs inside pantyhose(I always crossdress for SB) to the control box which was at my waist in the front. Everything was attached very well so I couldn't remove it, and the TENs was set on max power, 50hz, and then covered in tape so I couldn't change it. It was attached to a combination of a motion sensor and a wall timer.
Basically 30 minutes into the scene the timer switched on. This switched on a small light(so I would know when the motion sensor was active and I needed to stay still) and the sensor itself. So if I moved at this point, the motion sensor would turn the TENs on my feet on max power for 60 seconds. If you've ever had electricity hooked to your feet you know that is some serious pain.
Well, I stayed very still. Very still for about 15 minutes. But I was nervous. I didn't know exactly how bad it would hurt. So I was more afraid than I would be otherwise because of the unknown factor. I decided to purposefully trigger it so that I would know. It took me a few minutes to work up the courage, but when I did I made a big wiggle. The setup worked flawlessly - less than a second later the electricity started flowing to my feet. And it was way worse than I expected. Both of my legs contracted hard back against my binds and I immediately screamed in to my ball gag and bit down on it hard. I fought against my restraints pointlessly and I screamed til I was breathless. About 30 seconds in to it I started crying. When the 60 seconds was over I was left breathless, crying, and very scared to move.
Exactly what I wanted.
I stayed as still as I could from then on(the scene lasted 2.5 hours, 2 hours of which the sensor was enabled). Occasionally I would get an itch or something would start to go a bit numb and I'd try to adjust myself very slowly so as not to trigger it. Sometimes I got away with it, sometimes I got shocked again. One time it triggered randomly. I definitely didn't move that time, and it upset me so that I turned and faced the sensor and begged "But why? I didn't move!" When my keys finally fell, the finale took place. I had purposefully set it up so that I would HAVE to move and trigger it to get out of my restraints. I lay there for nearly 20 minutes after they fell, not wanting to endure what I had to. I knew I would basically be keeping it on constantly for several minutes as I got out. This delicious torment was exactly what I wanted when I planned the scene too. But eventually I worked up the courage and I let it shock me. It's VERY hard to undo locks behind your back when you are taking that kinda electricity into your feets XD
That remains one of my favorite SB scenes ever. Mainly because I cried a lot, and I just like that. I also had set up my phone to record that scene and I still have the recording. Watching myself cry and beg like that pleases me very much. I did a repeat of the scene again after that, this time with a vibrator also attached to me and set to tease me lots. I knew I would want to attempt to wiggle around and grind on it and try to get off. And of course that would get me zapped. Very delicious XD.
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Another time I made myself cry was one of my very first SB scenes. It was very simple - I was bound in a strict hogtie on my floor with a ballgag in my mouth. I had decided that for this scene I would wear clothespins on my nipples. So I attached those and then folded them down and wrapped tape around them holding them in place to my chest so I couldn't get them off. (Un)fortunately this scene ended up going a LOT longer than I thought. Back then I used ice which I've found is very unreliable. I had planned for 2 hours. It would end up going 5.
Anyway I didn't know that yet. So once I was secure and in the right frame of mind I started experimenting with resting my weight on the clothespins and causing them to pinch me more. It felt REALLY good and not even just in the masochistic way. So I kept doing that lots for the first hour. Unfortunately this gave my nipples quite the workout, and I didn't realize it yet but I had a long time to go.
After about an hour my nipples were sore enough that I stopped actively causing them more pain. But as time went on, they got sooooo painful. After about 4 hours I was literally staring up at my keys begging them to fall. Of course, ice doesn't respond to begging, so the scene continued. I started crying. I hated that I had done this to myself, I wanted out. Please let me out. I'll never do anything like this again!
I find that happens a lot. That I dislike something a lot when it's happening, but then in retrospect I very much like it. Once I finally did get out and freed my nipples from their tormenters, I fell straight into bed. I couldn't even masturbate to release the massive tension I had built up. I was totally and completely exhausted. And even that soon after - I was very pleased that I made myself cry.
The problem however is one of "How much?" Basically the only way I can achieve what I want(making myself cry) is for the painful stimuli to be out of my control. But there IS a point where it's too much. I may be a serious masochist, but there is a point where it crosses the line and even in retrospect it was not a positive experience. And it's very difficult to get that amount of stimuli right when it's out of everyone's control. Man, I so want a partner to play with But generally I wind up with the problem of "Not enough" rather than "Too much." The time with the TENs on my feet - I had never felt full power on my feet before. I had shocked my feet before with the TENs, but it HURTS and I had never gone up past 6. Without testing at all I purposefully set it to 8(max) that time. That's exactly why I was successful too. BTW my TENs unit is a very powerful one. And it's even more powerful than normal. Mine nominally takes a 9v battery but I modified it to run on mains power with a wall wart transformer. Said transformer is 12 volts so it gets a nice boost from that too.
Anyway so yeah, there you go. I really like making myself cry. I made this thread to see if anyone else has this same sort of interest, and if so, if you have any stories you'd like to share.
But a few times I have been successful in making myself cry. It's always been when I was bound and the painful thing was out of my control(so my mind could just be submissive and not have to worry about the rest). My favorite time is the story I told in that other thread, I will repeat it here:
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Basically I selfbound myself in a hog tie on my bed. Attached to the arches of my feet were TENs pads, the wires went up my legs inside pantyhose(I always crossdress for SB) to the control box which was at my waist in the front. Everything was attached very well so I couldn't remove it, and the TENs was set on max power, 50hz, and then covered in tape so I couldn't change it. It was attached to a combination of a motion sensor and a wall timer.
Basically 30 minutes into the scene the timer switched on. This switched on a small light(so I would know when the motion sensor was active and I needed to stay still) and the sensor itself. So if I moved at this point, the motion sensor would turn the TENs on my feet on max power for 60 seconds. If you've ever had electricity hooked to your feet you know that is some serious pain.
Well, I stayed very still. Very still for about 15 minutes. But I was nervous. I didn't know exactly how bad it would hurt. So I was more afraid than I would be otherwise because of the unknown factor. I decided to purposefully trigger it so that I would know. It took me a few minutes to work up the courage, but when I did I made a big wiggle. The setup worked flawlessly - less than a second later the electricity started flowing to my feet. And it was way worse than I expected. Both of my legs contracted hard back against my binds and I immediately screamed in to my ball gag and bit down on it hard. I fought against my restraints pointlessly and I screamed til I was breathless. About 30 seconds in to it I started crying. When the 60 seconds was over I was left breathless, crying, and very scared to move.
Exactly what I wanted.
I stayed as still as I could from then on(the scene lasted 2.5 hours, 2 hours of which the sensor was enabled). Occasionally I would get an itch or something would start to go a bit numb and I'd try to adjust myself very slowly so as not to trigger it. Sometimes I got away with it, sometimes I got shocked again. One time it triggered randomly. I definitely didn't move that time, and it upset me so that I turned and faced the sensor and begged "But why? I didn't move!" When my keys finally fell, the finale took place. I had purposefully set it up so that I would HAVE to move and trigger it to get out of my restraints. I lay there for nearly 20 minutes after they fell, not wanting to endure what I had to. I knew I would basically be keeping it on constantly for several minutes as I got out. This delicious torment was exactly what I wanted when I planned the scene too. But eventually I worked up the courage and I let it shock me. It's VERY hard to undo locks behind your back when you are taking that kinda electricity into your feets XD
That remains one of my favorite SB scenes ever. Mainly because I cried a lot, and I just like that. I also had set up my phone to record that scene and I still have the recording. Watching myself cry and beg like that pleases me very much. I did a repeat of the scene again after that, this time with a vibrator also attached to me and set to tease me lots. I knew I would want to attempt to wiggle around and grind on it and try to get off. And of course that would get me zapped. Very delicious XD.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Another time I made myself cry was one of my very first SB scenes. It was very simple - I was bound in a strict hogtie on my floor with a ballgag in my mouth. I had decided that for this scene I would wear clothespins on my nipples. So I attached those and then folded them down and wrapped tape around them holding them in place to my chest so I couldn't get them off. (Un)fortunately this scene ended up going a LOT longer than I thought. Back then I used ice which I've found is very unreliable. I had planned for 2 hours. It would end up going 5.
Anyway I didn't know that yet. So once I was secure and in the right frame of mind I started experimenting with resting my weight on the clothespins and causing them to pinch me more. It felt REALLY good and not even just in the masochistic way. So I kept doing that lots for the first hour. Unfortunately this gave my nipples quite the workout, and I didn't realize it yet but I had a long time to go.
After about an hour my nipples were sore enough that I stopped actively causing them more pain. But as time went on, they got sooooo painful. After about 4 hours I was literally staring up at my keys begging them to fall. Of course, ice doesn't respond to begging, so the scene continued. I started crying. I hated that I had done this to myself, I wanted out. Please let me out. I'll never do anything like this again!
I find that happens a lot. That I dislike something a lot when it's happening, but then in retrospect I very much like it. Once I finally did get out and freed my nipples from their tormenters, I fell straight into bed. I couldn't even masturbate to release the massive tension I had built up. I was totally and completely exhausted. And even that soon after - I was very pleased that I made myself cry.
The problem however is one of "How much?" Basically the only way I can achieve what I want(making myself cry) is for the painful stimuli to be out of my control. But there IS a point where it's too much. I may be a serious masochist, but there is a point where it crosses the line and even in retrospect it was not a positive experience. And it's very difficult to get that amount of stimuli right when it's out of everyone's control. Man, I so want a partner to play with But generally I wind up with the problem of "Not enough" rather than "Too much." The time with the TENs on my feet - I had never felt full power on my feet before. I had shocked my feet before with the TENs, but it HURTS and I had never gone up past 6. Without testing at all I purposefully set it to 8(max) that time. That's exactly why I was successful too. BTW my TENs unit is a very powerful one. And it's even more powerful than normal. Mine nominally takes a 9v battery but I modified it to run on mains power with a wall wart transformer. Said transformer is 12 volts so it gets a nice boost from that too.
Anyway so yeah, there you go. I really like making myself cry. I made this thread to see if anyone else has this same sort of interest, and if so, if you have any stories you'd like to share.