My bondage principles

[Fesselfan]

Hi all,

This is something I posted at a different Bondage orientated board a while ago. I am curious what the people here think of it

I thought about the basic principles I operate under when tying someone up. I will post them here- thoughts and comments welcome.
This is not to say that these principles are good for everyone, or even for a majority- these are just my personal point of view.

-Safety first
If I tie you up I will take every measure to ensure your safety. You will not be permanently harmed or injured (this includes not to leave a bound&gagged person without observation!!)

-Safeword/gesture
A kind of word or signal will be selected. Using this signal instantly will stop any action going on. This is for emergency use, and should not be used just because "something itched a little"!

-Before the event
Before any action, we will talk about many things. Limits, do's and don'ts, preferences. I don't play with partners unknown to me.

-You will wear the attire I choose
you want me to do something for you, so it is only fair that you wear something which pleases me (I am willing to listen to your wishes, though).

-You will be tied tightly
I am not into half-hearted things. If I tie you up, you will be tied very tightly (not just hands-in-front or other such stuff). This may lead to the bondage position not being comfy.

-You will be tied securely
I have quite some experience with tie ups. Chances are, you won't get free quickly- most likely, you won't be able to free yourself at all.

-I won't untie you quickly
Unless something concerning safety happens (as above), you will stay tied up for quite a while. I am not for quick tie-untie sessions.

-You will be gagged
To me, a gag is a major point for every tie-up. So unless absolutely necessary, you *will* be gagged.

-You will be at my mercy
When bound, you will be helpless and at my mercy. Be prepared that I could do anything to you (within the agreed upon limits, of course).

-I am in charge
I am in command of the session. Unless something bad happens (safety et al) I decide what happens. When it happens. And I decide when to untie you.


These principles may seem harsh for some people...but hey, you don't need to do a session with me

Curious about response...

cheers

FF

[bound_jenny]

Judging by the various physiological reactions I experienced, those rules seem quite acceptable to me.

I would have no problem at all letting you tie me up and torment me.

Jenny.

[Riddle]

That is a well thought out and well prepared list of of demands upon the bound person. If this is acceptable to those receiving often enough to satisfy your desires, that is excellent for you.

I only have 2 questions in reference to your list. The first is how you use a safe-word with a gag? These seem to be mutually exclusive. The second question is how much do you pay attention to the needs and requests of the bound individual? If only one is having fun, it is less likely to occur again. I personally enjoy repeat customers.

Other than those two questions, I completely agree with what you have stated. A short or poorly done bondage session leaves much to be desired. While I tend to be lax about who is in charge, the one performing the tying is ultimately responsible and in charge of the situation. From both the top and bottom perspective, I appreciate open and honest communication. This usually leads to more fun for all involved.

[bound_jenny]

-Safeword/gesture

I think that was covered, Riddle.

Jenny.

[Fesselfan]

I only have 2 questions in reference to your list. The first is how you use a safe-word with a gag? These seem to be mutually exclusive. The second question is how much do you pay attention to the needs and requests of the bound individual? If only one is having fun, it is less likely to occur again. I personally enjoy repeat customers.

Questions can be answered

1) As pointed out, a "safeword" can be a gesture, or i.e. humming a special "melody". So, safe"word" may actually be the wrong name for it.
Besides, there is one "real" word I often use, and that is "mayday"; try it out one day, it is quite understandable even when used with a gag in your mouth. Or -at least- it is distinguishable from the other moamings gagged persons make

2) As I am not into tying up people for money, I don't have a view of my "victims" as "customers". I take great care to know what all involved persons want and like- I need to know what my victim likes, she needs to know what I like. But these things are talked about in advance. During the session, I and I alone decide what happens (I know...a submissive can guide a top to not a small degree by her reactions). I take into consideration what she likes, what I like and act upon it.
Example: if she likes to be tied in a frog tie, I am very inclined to use that bondage position upon her during a session. However, that is no guarantee.
A person who comes to me with a detailed script, stating what shall happen when...well that is a person I will *never* have a session with. My BDSM is in not a small part inflicting *my* will upon my "victim" and treating her like I see fit (again taking into account both persons wishes).

As I said, this may not be apropriate to every person, and I don't claim that either. It is just the way I am, and I won't pretend to be otherwise.

Cheers

FF
p.s.:To statisfy curiousity...I can't complain about a lack of "bondage bunnies"

[Grinser]

I take into consideration what she likes, what I like and act upon it.

Sounds aobut right...
Thats probably the basic principle behind every form of interpersonal contact, not to mention between the sheets.

[Riddle]

Thank you Fessefan for the response.

I only have 2 questions in reference to your list.

Questions can be answered

1) As pointed out, a "safeword" can be a gesture, or i.e. humming a special "melody"...

2) As I am not into tying up people for money, I don't have a view of my "victims" as "customers". I take great care to know what all involved persons want and like- I need to know what my victim likes, she needs to know what I like. But these things are talked about in advance. During the session, I and I alone decide what happens (I know...a submissive can guide a top to not a small degree by her reactions). I take into consideration what she likes, what I like and act upon it.

A person who comes to me with a detailed script, stating what shall happen when...well that is a person I will *never* have a session with. My BDSM is in not a small part inflicting *my* will upon my "victim" and treating her like I see fit (again taking into account both persons wishes).

As I said, this may not be apropriate to every person, and I don't claim that either. It is just the way I am, and I won't pretend to be otherwise.

Cheers

FF
p.s.:To statisfy curiousity...I can't complain about a lack of "bondage bunnies"

This puts your previous statements into a much broader perspective. Thank you. I now understand that your negotiations are thorough and additional inputs during the scene are largely unnecessary and unwanted. That sounds like a very good method that I will have to use in the future.

As for the sub with the play script, that would be an issue that may cause me to decline the opportunity. I was unaware that it occurred. This example clarifies your persistence to be in charge of the scene and explains why that persistence is necessary. Clear communication up front prevents much hassle later.

Thank you again for sharing.

[iBorg]

I could only hope for a dom or master as thorough as you. I'd gladly let you tie the ropes and bind me tight. Oh what a way to spend a night!

iBorg

[Fesselfan]

Judging by the various physiological reactions I experienced, those rules seem quite acceptable to me.

I would have no problem at all letting you tie me up and torment me.

Jenny.

Thanks for the praise Canada is a little far of from this side of the ocean, though

These principles have evolved over several years of bondage experiences. As a curious side note...many years ago when I was a novice, I was so glad I found someone to tie up that I put her wishes way above mine, trying to fullfill her wishes no matter what and make every session exactly the way she wanted it. Ironically, this made the whole experience less statisfying for both of us - which just shows how "unlogical" the DS part of BDSM can be.
Only after I got some more courage and actually let out my darker, dominating side the sessions got really good- again for both of us.

Funny things

Cheers

FF

[Causa]

Hey FesselFan,

That sounds like a pretty good list, mine being pretty similar, but our situations are currently a bit different, so I wanted to post the similarities and differences in approach.

In the past, I've had the sort of play sessions or "bondage bunnies" type of sessions that you mention, and in that context, your list is spot on.

I've also had some D/s only relationships when both of us were single, that was 24/7, with a general negotiated agreement for the relationship boundaries, but not before each session, as listed above.

Currently, I'm doing something new to myself and my partner, who is my girlfriend all the time, but my submissive in individual sessions, only.

the way this is going:

We negotiated out a contract of how sessions would be chosen, scheduled, etc.
Hard limits of the both of us...I'm not really involved here, since she's much newer to the bdsm lifestyle than I am.
etc.
We basically agreed that we'd try to have at least 2 scenes a month and hopefully 1 scene per week. We'd plan at least a few days ahead to free up that time, etc.

any scene that we do has a degree of discussion, (or usually just me informing, because I don't present anything unacceptable, I know her tolerances and her likes.)

So this pre-scene talk includes time limits, safe word. We don't have to continually go over what a safe word means...it means that the scene is instantly ended, and we ensure safety first, then we take a few minutes to exit scene headspace and wind down. Then we talk in a non D/s and non sexy way about what happened. This has never happened but it's agreed upon that's what is to happen.

I also don't have to re-make the promises and the understanding between us, like I'll ensure her safety to the best of my abilities and work with all precautions in place...this generally involves packing shears, and vegetable oil on hand, and I have the normal household first aids in the bathroom...again it's just never been a problem. She has very sensitive skin, so I test out small amounts of any chemical used in the scene, and I do my research on how to undo anything I plan on attempting. Never had to use any of it.

It's also understood, and in the contract that I won't do anything to harm her reputation or image, with the same care as I show for her physical well-being. So no public displays of S&M, etc. That doesn't mean nothing IN public, it's just not public knowledge.

I will list off the general types of play a scene may contain and the time frame. Bondage, D/s, sensation play, edge play, orgasm control can usually be assumed, but if something was within her agreed Hard Limits but outside of our standard session "material", I would probably list it, but not too specifically.

The D/s aspects have their own ritual and protocol, which would involve a different scene, but again it would be scheduled and at least have a time frame assignment. All of the scenes, including a punishment scene would respect the hard limits listed, but a punishment scene would push more into the soft limits, further from the physical turn ons in the comfort zones.

[Fesselfan]

Hey Causa,

your comments are spot on. You may think of my principles as a guidilne- not everything has to be talked about.
Currently, I am doing two types of "sessions":
1st as you call it "bondage bunny" sessions. There, these points have to be talked about.

2nd with the woman I am engaged to for five years and will marry next year. We are living together, sharing most of our free time together (not neccessarily with BDSM activities). We of course know each other to a level you simply never can with someone who you have met just recently. We know what to expect from each other, we know our safeword (we never had to use it so far, though). We know each others limits and likes. We don't go through these points over and over again. I.e. the attire- In a session I simply order her to wear what I want. Because that is the way it turns both of us on.
She has been tied hundreds of times by me and of course knows my bondage style very well (albeit I try something new now and then to catch her of her feet).

We don't do sessions on a set schedule- if there is time, and we are in the mood one of us starts by changing the ..uhmm..."conversation tone" and waits how the partner reacts to it. So, i.e. we can be the equally righted couple working in the kitchen in one moment, and a minute later she can be my willing slave, kneeling before me, serving my darkest desires.

A commonplace statement, which still is often ignored: talking is important. Talk about how each other felt in the sessions. Even if there are no "problems" or other things- it still is a pleasure to live a little through it again.

As I have often said- BDSM people are not that different from "vanilla" ones than most believe.

Cheers

FF