Just some advice, please

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A Lurker
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Just some advice, please

Post by A Lurker »

I'm new here, and from the United States, not sure if this is the proper site, but it seems to be the one that is most active.
O.k., so…. I’m not sure how to start this, or how to word it, but I just need some advice, or direction, or something.
The short story goes something like this:
Back in February, I happened upon a female neighbor, who evidently is “into self bondage”.
She had gotten into some trouble with a “session”, and I just happened to be the one to see her garage door moving, and investigated, and found her. (Thinking back on it, she could have been in real danger.)
I have known her and her family for a couple of years now, and had no idea. She and her husband are nice quiet military people. They have a couple of older, (high school type) kids.
She is nice looking, trim, not heavy, attractive. He is typical military. We are NOT really friends, just neighbors, we get along.
My dilemma now, is I am unable to get the scene out of my mind, and I frankly find it, (found it) exciting, very exciting.

My question is: How should I approach her, and tell her (ask??) that I wish to “help her”, or at least watch, as she does these self bondage sessions. She was alone that night, so I don't know if her husband is involved.
(Or should I just go about my business, and consider this a one off.?)
I am not a kook, I am a 65 year old, retired family man, well off, or at least not suffering from lack of money… I’m not a model by any means, but I am not ugly.
I'm married, drug free, ..........
I can keep a secret, hell, I’ve kept it this long, and have seen her husband and other members of her family since that night.
I really need to know how to approach this. I find the thought of that night……… well… you know.
Thank you for your time.
Sorry if this is in the wrong place.
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bound_jenny
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Re: Just some advice, please

Post by bound_jenny »

Welcome to the forum!

I would say, from my viewpoint as a woman, let her come to you if she feels the need for assistance. Be discreet.

One must not forget the husband, who might take a dim view in your intrusion, however benevolent, in their marriage. That's one variable that could upset the apple cart, and set it on fire.

Wait, that's all I can recommend. But don't force yourself on her or the family.

Jenny.
Helplessness is a doorway to the innermost reaches of the soul.
If my corset isn't tight, it just isn't right!
Kink is the spice of life!
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Shannon SteelSlave
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Re: Just some advice, please

Post by Shannon SteelSlave »

Welcome to Bound Anna, Lurker.
You would be what we refer to as an ideal "Human Backup" or Human Release".
How to talk about it? I think the husband is possibly already serving as the human emergency release. It is very possible he knows nothing about her games while he is away. It is also possible he knows, does not play along, but allows it. We have plenty of members here who are married, and engaging in self bondage secretly.
But if you still feel the need to get involved, then maybe the next time you see something happen, maybe intervene, ask if they are ok. Then you might say that you are familiar with "self bondage" and can offer your services as a human back up by sharing your phone number with them. Let them say the first words.
If they don't want your help, then simply tell them that their secret is safe with you.
At any rate, if anything really looks out of place, (fire, smoke, water flooding out the front door, people pressed against windows, or struggling on the front lawn, ect) then certainly, call for emergency help, and after, if you are able, knock on or open the door, explaining that you saw something wrong.
Of course, I may have misread your post. If you are asking to be involved in their games, then my advice is to find an organized gathering of bondage people, we call it a "Munch". You can meet people who want to play, with inhibitions removed, you are free to ask any questions, set any boundaries, all without the chance of offending anyone.
And feel free to read and post here if you want to explore and indulge your feelings. We are very friendly here, and difficult to offend. A basic list of subjects that might be off limits can be found here : viewtopic.php?f=2&t=5881#p43526
Bondage is like a foreign film without subtitles. Only through sharing and practice can we hope to understand.
A Jedi uses bondage for knowledge and defense, never for attack.
I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T!....I, I mean S-M-A-R-T!
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kinbaku
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Re: Just some advice, please

Post by kinbaku »

Welcome A Lurker. I think Jenny and Shannon explained it well, but if you have any questions feel free to ask. We are here to help people in their search in this world of bondage and self-bondage.
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Shannon SteelSlave
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Re: Just some advice, please

Post by Shannon SteelSlave »

kinbaku wrote:I think Jenny and Shannon explained it well, but if you have any questions feel free to ask. We are here to help people in their search in this world of bondage and self-bondage.
Appreciate that, K.
Does anyone have any actual or similar experience or advice for this situation?
Bondage is like a foreign film without subtitles. Only through sharing and practice can we hope to understand.
A Jedi uses bondage for knowledge and defense, never for attack.
I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T!....I, I mean S-M-A-R-T!
👠👠
Lotharjulz
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Re: Just some advice, please

Post by Lotharjulz »

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Last edited by Lotharjulz on 30 Jul 2023, 23:22, edited 1 time in total.
A Lurker
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Re: Just some advice, please

Post by A Lurker »

Thank you to all who replied...
Yes, I understand the "husband/family" dynamic", and am NOT a stalker, so I just live my life..
Also yes, if I see anything out of the norm, or dangerous, (fire, water,smoke, etc.,), as a good neighbor, I will intervene.
As I said, we are NOT friends, (we don't get together, have lunch, etc., ), so any interaction is mostly by chance.
We wave hello, or in passing, but stopping to talk about life?? No, that does not happen. Not because were standoffish, (at least not me), but just because we have busy different lives.

As much as I would like a "second opinion", or answers that I WANT, in regards to this..... I understand, and accept it.
A human backup... I find that amusing. I never thought of it that way.

Thinking back on it, as just an observation, she could have been in real trouble. I am sure it was accidental, since I doubt she has a deathwish. (Or maybe she is new at this, and didnt think it thru?) Who knows.

I have exactly zero experiance in any of this, except what I have seen on the internet, and just a quick browse here on this board. So doubt I would have anything to impart.

Her secret is safe with me, (except from what I have posted here), and hopefully it is nothing to cause harm or embarrassment IF she is on here, reading this. (Which would be interesting, and would get my view across...)

I thank you all for your input, and as much as it disappoints me, will abide by the consensus.

NOW, if by chance you are on this board, and are reading this... just know, I could be a "human backup/release".
Thank you all.
lj
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Re: Just some advice, please

Post by lj »

To the OP, welcome to the forum. As others have said, we are not judgemental, there is a kink acronym "YKIOK" which stands for "Your Kink Is OK", in other words, what I may find exciting or stimulating may not be your idea of fun, and vice versa, but if we enjoy what we do, that's all that matters (there are generally agreed exceptions that involve children or animals)

Next comes privacy. "Outing" someone by making public their kink life is a serious breach of trust, and this is the area where the OP may stray inadvertently. I would define "public" as including a partner in this case. I would agree entirely with Jenny, let the lady come to you if she so wishes - but probably won't. Most people do not feel comfortable being open about their kink interests, just look through the threads on this site and you will see many people expressing serious concerns about going to any form of kink event. Having said that, events such as Munches are the easiest and safest way of entering the kink world - I know because that's how I got involved, subsequently being the Organiser of our local Munch for six years!

If the OP has had his eyes opened to something that excites him, my advice is to pluck up the courage and attend a Munch. They are pretty easy to find, join Fetlife" and use the search facility to find a Munch in your area, contact the Organiser and ask questions, ask anything - they will be happy to help, and will be willing to meet at a mutually chosen safe and public place for an introductory chat (well, that's what I used to do!) In general, Munches are usually held in a bar, cafe, restaurant, no obvious kink clothes or behaviour. They are not pick-up places, but provide a place to meet people who are comfortable with kink.
be a switch, double the fun :-)
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bounddosster
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Re: Just some advice, please

Post by bounddosster »

A Lurker, You don't tell us how she reacted to being found/helped. So I find it hard to read the situation but I think getting involved in other people's relationships can be fraught with all sorts of problems but also you never make friends and share interests with others by keeping yourself locked away from them.
Personally, without knowing her reaction I'd say let sleeping dogs lay, keep it to yourself and respect her privacy. That way she will know you can be trusted and may seek your help in the future if needed.
That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.
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austex-techie
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Re: Just some advice, please

Post by austex-techie »

I lean towards "Mind your own business", unless there are other circumstances not detailed here. Did you help her, or just see her? Because in the former, you could be the neighbor who saved her from potentially serious harm, but in the latter, you could be (potentially, I'm not making accusations.) "the neighbor who was peeking in our windows". You know the full circumstances, but may want to tread lightly.
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Shannon SteelSlave
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Re: Just some advice, please

Post by Shannon SteelSlave »

I still lean towards don't engage. I would not want my neighbor catching on to me, I want my neighbors to be neighbors, a couple, 2.3 children, white picket fence, and a dog named Shep.
If you dance with the Devil, you don't change the Devil, the Devil changes you. Not meant to be an encouragement or discouragement, but I would rather not be engaging in partnered activities where I live. You just can't look at each other like neighbors after that.
Bondage is like a foreign film without subtitles. Only through sharing and practice can we hope to understand.
A Jedi uses bondage for knowledge and defense, never for attack.
I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T!....I, I mean S-M-A-R-T!
👠👠
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BoundInKasugai
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Re: Just some advice, please

Post by BoundInKasugai »

Welcome to the forum from me too. :hi:

Others have expressed my thoughts much better than me, so I am not going to repeat them. I would like to add that it seems OPs first exposure to kink activities and it is only natural that one needs some time to sort out ones feelings and thoughts on the matter. If the experience sparked an interest, there are many ways to explore, and attending a munch is a good suggestion. With the information at hand it seems unlikely that the lady in question intended to be found by OP and that she is lookng for a play partner. Assuming so and acting on it would probably lead to some unfortunate situations. However, showing by acts or words that you respect their privacy, don't judge them and genuinly are concerned for their safety would be highly appreciated, I am sure.
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Shannon SteelSlave
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Re: Just some advice, please

Post by Shannon SteelSlave »

bound_jenny wrote:Welcome to the forum!
kinbaku wrote:Welcome A Lurker.
lj wrote:To the OP, welcome to the forum.
BoundInKasugai wrote:Welcome to the forum from me too. :hi:
Shannon SteelSlave wrote:Welcome to Bound Anna, Lurker.
This is one of the best New Member Introductions I have ever read. The OP's greeting attracted more than the usual welcoming committee.
Bondage is like a foreign film without subtitles. Only through sharing and practice can we hope to understand.
A Jedi uses bondage for knowledge and defense, never for attack.
I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T!....I, I mean S-M-A-R-T!
👠👠
rexter
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Re: Just some advice, please

Post by rexter »

Shannon SteelSlave wrote:
bound_jenny wrote:Welcome to the forum!
kinbaku wrote:Welcome A Lurker.
lj wrote:To the OP, welcome to the forum.
BoundInKasugai wrote:Welcome to the forum from me too. :hi:
Shannon SteelSlave wrote:Welcome to Bound Anna, Lurker.
This is one of the best New Member Introductions I have ever read. The OP's greeting attracted more than the usual welcoming committee.
There are lots of introverts in the world. As one, all I can say is I'm amazed that you consider this a positive. First, why wouldn't anyone be welcome absent a reason to have them leave? Second, there's a section of the board devoted to introducing yourself if that happens to be your thing.

Couple that with the frequent public nudges to PM you, and this board is a turn off despite the occasional bit of useful information. If you want to PM someone to discuss something, that's fine. But to request someone PM you in public doesn't pass the sniff test. It has an aura of trying to circumvent some law by getting the subject to contact you first. All of this makes me less interested in coming here, not more interested.
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Shannon SteelSlave
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Re: Just some advice, please

Post by Shannon SteelSlave »

Thanks for your feedback, Rex.
Just making a humourous observation.
I ask certain members whose talent I recognize to contact me to interview for the Developer's Union. I do it this way to avoid crowding my PM box.
Bondage is like a foreign film without subtitles. Only through sharing and practice can we hope to understand.
A Jedi uses bondage for knowledge and defense, never for attack.
I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T!....I, I mean S-M-A-R-T!
👠👠
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