Need help with anxiety!

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KinkInSpace
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Joined: 24 Dec 2015, 16:11
Location: Netherlands

Re: Need help with anxiety!

Post by KinkInSpace »

Somehow, I missed this topic.

I do have some valuable info to add.

First thing's first, you have to feel into the fear that it gives you. If the fear feels to be on your surface, eg not going very deep within, then its just the fear for something new and comes in line with excitement.

If you however get terrified, eg the fear is much deeper, then there's an underlaying trauma.

You will have to figure this out, its important. Do note, traumatic fear is so much different than normal fear. If you get near this state, it is a definite no, and you will do anything to stop it. If you don't feel this desire, then your fear is regular fear. Do note, that it may still be a trauma that is just not about what you're doing, but somewhat related. In that case, the closer you get to that fear, the deeper it gets. In that case, it may turn into a panic attack at the start of your session.

With this said, if you either feel that intense no or you get the panic attack midway into the session, get out bondage and take note that there is an underlaying trauma to be dealt with first. Without resolving the trauma, it will be impossible to do a session without getting into a fearful mind state. And playing this game in a continuously fearful mind state, when you are also ultimately in control, is a big no in self bondage.

With that out of the way, what remains is normal fear. The fear of doing something new that is not entirely risk free. It is very normal to experience this fear because it is this fear that keeps you from doing anything stupid. Until you have proven to yourself that whatever it is that you are doing is safe, your mind will keep alarming you by making you experience fear.

If you do the exact same session but your bondage is not truly inescapable, eg: you get your hand in but can easily get it out again, you will not be fearful. But if you want that totally helpless feeling, then yes, it will definitely be fearful the first few times, and as you modify your sessions to use different mechanics, that fear will always return to warn you.

Unless you can get to a backup release that is so reliable that you just know it is always going to be safe (eg. a friend or partner is in an adjacent room, one shout away to rescue you, or if you don't call them 1 hour later, they come and rescue you) fear will always be there.

That said, if you have done a session succesfully a few times, and you repeat that session the exact same way every time, with all backup releases there, the fear will become mild fear that can easily be pushed away. Your brain learns during each session that its safe as you escape without a problem.

This ultimately concludes my post with the following: If you can't get a good reliable backup you can trust that is also human, your session will always be fearful. The more complex you make your session or the more points of failure you introduce, the more fearful it will be.

There are a few good ways to practice self bondage that are extremely safe to do: eg, you always get out. One of them, that really helped me get past my initial fears in bondage was to use an icelock. But not to make a key drop, because if I can't reach the key, then I'm still screwed. No, I use the icelock connected to the cuffs, and cuff my hands behind my back. During the session, my hands are behind my back and its movement is very limited. Great for struggling. After about an hour, enough ice melts that I can push my hands apart making them separate again, allowing me to use my hands fully and that is often enough to get out of everything. I therefor also always ensure that if I use locks, the keys are always in a location that I can reach and are never in a location where they can move far away that I cannot reach them anymore.

Usually I also result in locking mechanism that is just a screw on a D ring. With my hands behind my back, I can't reach, so its secure, but once my hands are freed, I can unlock that. Its very safe. It is only part of the backup release though and I do test that release before every session to ensure that I can always open it. But the keys are the main release still.
Formally known as Slave_L.
I'm not yet very comfortable expressing my love for kink from my private life. I will therefor hide behind my username KinkInSpace and not allow any connections to who I really am. I'm sure you'll understand.
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