Need help with anxiety!

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SierraTheSub
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Need help with anxiety!

Post by SierraTheSub »

So no matter how much I prepair for a session the last minute before I lock myself out I chicken out and clean up.. what do you guys do to relieve this anxiety? I have back up releases, comfortable positions. Like I do not see anything that could go wrong but my anxiety still gets me...
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Shannon SteelSlave
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Re: Need help with anxiety!

Post by Shannon SteelSlave »

It sounds to me that the same things that frighten you, also may be your biggest turn-ons. It doesn't sound like a phobia, I don't think you would get as far as you do if that was the case.
As far as what to do? If this was me, over thinking its safety might be a turn off. I know I have my releases, like bolt cutters on every floor, scissors strategically hidden. I know that they are there, without thinking, and may have to rack my brain to find, like in a panicked "I'm stuck" situation.
Maybe just practicing it with an easy immediate release might help ease you into it, and then you can use a time delayed or task based release. (Also known as practice and testing of the equipment) For most people, their first ride on the roller coaster is the one they remember not being able to do. All subsequent rides become routine.
Bondage is like a foreign film without subtitles. Only through sharing and practice can we hope to understand.
A Jedi uses bondage for knowledge and defense, never for attack.
I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T!....I, I mean S-M-A-R-T!
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bound_jenny
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Re: Need help with anxiety!

Post by bound_jenny »

I had an unexpected anxiety situation when I was fitted for my molded mesh head restraint to be used to keep my head steady during radiation therapy (2016). The hospital staff noticed my nervous state. They asked me about it after they were done. I never could have imagined that I was claustrophobic. They offered to note in my file that I should take a tranquilizer of some sort to keep me calm. I refused.

I figured out, between the fitting and the first radiation session a couple of weeks later, that it wasn't claustrophobia, it was because I had difficulty breathing because the mask squished my nose a bit. So for the next two weeks, I prepared myself mentally, a sort of meditation, going through the procedure in my mind, remaining detached as an observer, not as the subject. Every day, I did that, until the radiation therapy sessions started (20 minutes a day, 5 days a week, for six weeks).

It worked. In my mind, I had gone through this already over a dozen times, so it wasn't scary or stressful anymore. The six weeks went by like a breeze.

I suggest you do the same. Get into a calm, meditative state, and picture yourself through the eyes of a detached observer, going through your preparation, your session, and release. You'll be training your mind to deal with the situation not as an unknown, but as a known, familiar situation. If you need to, repeat this pre-visualizing as many times as it takes to get you confident about your plan. And best of all, plan ahead. Make a dry run to make sure what you want to do is physically possible.

Have fun, stay safe.

Jenny.
Helplessness is a doorway to the innermost reaches of the soul.
If my corset isn't tight, it just isn't right!
Kink is the spice of life!
Come to the Dark Side - we have cookies!
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kinbaku
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Re: Need help with anxiety!

Post by kinbaku »

And don't make it too heavy. for example, just a silk cloth that runs smoothly between your hands without tying a knot.
So feeling of bondage without actually being bound. First do the exercise as suggested by Bound_jenny.
CorporalK
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Re: Need help with anxiety!

Post by CorporalK »

So I have a similar problem that still gets me sometimes. I go through the motions of setting up and checking all releases and even sometimes get all but the last limb locked up. Then I chicken out or sometimes decide that that was enough for me that time. Most of the time I have a safety person in the house and 3 different releases and yet still worry with the WHAT IF's. I am not sure that this is good advice or not, but making sure I go over the safety checks before actual prep helps. The longer I take to get situated the more time I have to over think. I'm not saying skip steps because that is how you end up stuck or worse, but try to have everything set before you strip or such. As long as you know you have your releases then don't dally on clicking that lock or zip tie or what have you. Some of my best sessions were when I hesitated but clicked the lock, then all the anxiety vanished. It could be just having that choice that is giving you the anxiety, knowing you're responsible for whatever happens, once it's "out of your hands" so to speak, I'm guessing it will feel way better. Assuming there was actual advice in there somewhere, let me know if it helps.
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Shannon SteelSlave
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Re: Need help with anxiety!

Post by Shannon SteelSlave »

Welcome to Bound Anna, CorporalK
Bondage is like a foreign film without subtitles. Only through sharing and practice can we hope to understand.
A Jedi uses bondage for knowledge and defense, never for attack.
I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T!....I, I mean S-M-A-R-T!
👠👠
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bound_jenny
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Re: Need help with anxiety!

Post by bound_jenny »

Hi, CorporalK,

There's always a nagging feeling in a corner of the brain that says "what about this? did you check that?", etc. That's survival instinct calling you to make sure your loose ends are tied up (pun intended :mrgreen: ).

Make a mental list and tick off everything you need to be sure that your next session will be safe and pleasurable, i.e. 2-legged backup, backups to the backups, and anything else that could be of concern to you. If necessary, keep that list near you while you're getting bound to reassure you that all your ducks are in a row (and shackled together chain-gang style... :wink: ).

Have fun, stay safe,

Jenny.
Helplessness is a doorway to the innermost reaches of the soul.
If my corset isn't tight, it just isn't right!
Kink is the spice of life!
Come to the Dark Side - we have cookies!
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kinbaku
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Re: Need help with anxiety!

Post by kinbaku »

Welcome to BoundAnna, CorporalK and thank you for your contribution, because fear is not an abnormal phenomenon in self-bondage. Like a fear of heights, it is a warning from your body that it thinks you are in a dangerous situation.
So we should rather be glad that anxiety exists. It teaches us to estimate and limit the risks we want to take.
And once we have determined that and acted on it (sufficiently thought out and sufficient backups), we can enjoy the freedom and the endorphins that we get in return.
Lyn
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Re: Need help with anxiety!

Post by Lyn »

I have this too. When my husband restrains me, it has to be such that I can free myself if he were to keel over from a heart attack. Nobody knows we do this and no family live near us that would check on us if we didn't contact them in a day. I could be stuck for days or more and with a dead body at that! I'd soon be a dead body myself. Do I overthink it to worry about such things? So at least one cuff is just loose enough that I can wriggle out if I need to, albeit with pain. Otherwise the anxiety makes it so I cannot enjoy myself. Being just loose enough doesn't subtract from the sensation of being bound, I don't even think about trying to get out during a session.

I also have a thing about not enough air. I can't stand my nose and mouth to be covered, a gag is okay, it's both at the same time I can't stand, hence my comment in the torture mask thread. I understand the theoretical attraction of being sensory deprived, and being so helpless that your dom even controls your air supply, but I have so much anxiety about breathing that I cannot do it in real life. When my airflow isn't totally free I panic. Even the covid mask is nearly intolerable to me.
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Ashes
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Re: Need help with anxiety!

Post by Ashes »

It's been years i haven't posted here... So hi again everyone :hi:
But Anxiety is my way of living so i guess i couldn't just remain silent.

This can be triggered by alot of factors even just tireness as stupid as it sounds.

From my experience i always have been very anxious through all my sessions, i never or so manage to lock the last padlock or any other device that would keep me tied up.
So i get as close as i can, "playing" with my anxiety until the only last thing remains is a "click", a single cm move...
And yet...still can't.

But it doesn't stop me from having fun. :mrgreen:

The thing with SB is that it can be impressive even to the most advanced of us.
The image/position/restraint we see and want to reproduce isn't as easy to do and "endure" as we think it seems.
I mean,i believe every one of us had this thought once in position "Wow, that's tighter/harder than i thought".

And i believe we all are pushed by our fantasies so we all skip steps by aiming at a target way out of reach.
Aka : our favourite position.
To me for example, the hogtie, which is one of the most (if not THE most) restrictive bondage position.
And i remember that when i strated SB it's the only one i wanted to achieve...even without any experience...
Because i was amazed by the look, the way it's restrictive everything about it. Almost hypnotised.
And i still do find it really beautiful in all ways.

So maybe that's why alot of us are anxious easily.
It might impress us more than we think and realise.

So my advice here will be to make it more simple, to get used to being tied up, not only physically but psychologically. No matter your level.
It can take years because a mind is such a hard material to work on.

There are factors like breathing comfortably (mentionned above) that we can't really imagine before to actually try the position.
Or even the blood stream.

So i guess when those haven't been tested before our mind can easily get overwelmed by them because they still are "?" and the mind hates blanks and will fill them with questions.

That's why i suggest to slow down and taking time to experiment easy things and let the mind enough time for it to realise "hey, i've been there, it's safe".

Because anxiety are warnings, we must listen to those "dude wtf?!" instead of fighting them.
And for that, time is necessary.

So yeah easy things, and tests. Making things safe by experience not only on paper.
If the anxiety shows up we must analyze when exactly, at what precise moment did it go crazy.
And from it we'll be able to know what triggered it. And fix it.

Of course it can be even deeper than that, maybe some of us are more submissive than we thought and are totally unable to take the decision to lock ourself up, in essence taking the lead.
Even though i believe most of peopel who do selfbondage are switch but who really know him/herself at 100% :?

Anyway...i could write an essay about anxiety... sorry about the length of my reply...

I hope it helped a little bit our openned some doors of reflexions :)
Lotharjulz
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Re: Need help with anxiety!

Post by Lotharjulz »

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Last edited by Lotharjulz on 30 Jul 2023, 23:00, edited 2 times in total.
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kinbaku
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Re: Need help with anxiety!

Post by kinbaku »

Ashes wrote:... sorry about the length of my reply...
Welcome back and don't worry about the length of your post, it contains a lot of valuable content.
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Ashes
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Re: Need help with anxiety!

Post by Ashes »

kinbaku wrote:
Ashes wrote:... sorry about the length of my reply...
Welcome back and don't worry about the length of your post, it contains a lot of valuable content.
Thank you :)
Innamorare
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Re: Need help with anxiety!

Post by Innamorare »

I literally just joined to talk about this exact topic, and on a whim, I did a search first and here it is. My apologies for bringing back a dead topic, but this is one of my biggest hang ups. I plan what I'm going to do, and it excites me to the point of dripping. Then when the point of fully restrained is reached I freeze, or purposefully sabotage something so I can easily slip out of it. I'm going to take everyone's excellent advice. Liking it here already. :)
innamorare, to inflame with love
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hogfan-sub
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Re: Need help with anxiety!

Post by hogfan-sub »

Innamorare wrote:I literally just joined to talk about this exact topic, and on a whim, I did a search first and here it is. My apologies for bringing back a dead topic, but this is one of my biggest hang ups. I plan what I'm going to do, and it excites me to the point of dripping. Then when the point of fully restrained is reached I freeze, or purposefully sabotage something so I can easily slip out of it. I'm going to take everyone's excellent advice. Liking it here already. :)
There is already much good advice in this thread, so I would really just back it all up. Anxiety is not always a bad thing, especially as we learn concrete ways to manage it, having first "listened" to what its root cause is. For myself, it is almost always connected to thoughts of the "what if" kind; what if I'm discovered? What if I can't get free? What if I suddenly get acutely unwell? The simple fact is, selfbondage is frequently if not always a risky pastime. The main point is mitigation of risk. Plan backups and then check, check and check again. I also need to remind myself that the large organ in my cranium should always be the "Inner dominant", not the smaller one further "south" :wink:
My selfbondage always needs to be escapable (for me more readily than maybe for some others). Even if that escape needs a little work, the surest I can be that I can indeed free myself, helps to lessen that initial anxiety and for a while, "transform" it into arousing pleasure.
Welcome again, and enjoy some kinky but safe fun! :twisted:
"There is something comforting about being tied up" (Madonna).....Oh how I agree!!

"I've still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission." (HAL 9000)
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