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SSC, RACK, Kink shaming

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SSC, RACK, Kink shaming

Postby sweh » 07 Apr 2019, 18:39

I don't normally post these types of threads but there's a bit of acrimony at the moment around, so I thought I'd post something that might help.

For background, I've been on the 'net for over 30 years and in the online kink community for 20 years. When I started we had mailing lists and Usenet, and maybe some IRC channels. Web fora like this just didn't exist.

Let's go back to basics, and think of some of the core concepts of kink.

We have phrases line SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual) and RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink). There were flame wars in the past around "what is safe, what is sane", which led to RACK. Now, since this is a self-bondage site, the "consensual" bit goes without saying.

So let's look at SS and RA. Everyone has a different definition of safe and sane. For some people no self-bondage is safe. And, sure, it's not 100% safe. But then neither is walking down the street and crossing the road. So we always make risk evaluations. We make it as safe as possible (look both ways before crossing the road, have emergency release solutions). But we can't be 100%. So let's focus on RA. Because that's where I think we can be most productive. And where fora like this can be very beneficial.

So someone comes along as says "I want to do some activity". It might be breath play, it might be vacuum bondage, it might be predicament challenges... almost anything. Being risk aware people we immediately look at how this can go wrong; how people can die doing this. And we want to prevent people from being headline news ("Harry was found with a carrot up his anal passage, wearing two wet suits, nipple clamps and a plastic bag over his head") so we point out the problems.

But how we do this is as important as important as the information we want to provide. You run the risk of kink shaming. Remember another phrase: YKIOK(JNMK) -- Your Kink Is OK (Just Not My Kink).

Don't say "that's stupid; you'll die if you do this!". That's neither welcoming nor productive. If someone really wants to do this, they'll ignore you (perhaps leave the forum) and do it anyway.

Instead, focus on the risks and ways you can think of to mitigate it.

So there was a thread (it may have been here, or elsewhere) where someone wanted to challenge themselves; handcuffed behind back and forced to walk naked through a forest, along a riverbed, to where the keys were. There was an response along the lines of "hey, it's very slippery on a river bed; I've done this while hiking, it's really hard to keep balance. There's a good chance you'll fall over and hurt yourself. " That, to me, looked like a good response. The response wasn't saying "don't do this", it was pointing out some of the risks, letting the original poster decide for themselves.

Part of this is "don't talk in absolutes". Since I've already say nothing is 100%, it goes both ways... there may be ways of doing stuff safely that you can't think of.

Different people have different risk evaluation criteria. What is "no way in hell!" to you may be "yeah, I'll take that chance" to someone else.

Could the house burn down while I'm chained to the bed? Yes... is it likely? No... do I plan my bondage around that risk? No. I'm in more danger crossing the street than I am of the house burning down. (Crossing the road... talk about an unnecessary risk! But that's one society has deemed acceptable, even desirable.)

If your response to a post is "do this and you'll die!" then think twice about posting that. It's not helpful. Instead try to explain how it can go wrong ("what happens if the power fails? Will the locks release you or are you stuck?") so that people are aware of the risks and can make their own decisions.

Back in the days of ssbb there was a poster, JK, who related a scene he took part in where he fucked a woman with a gun. She had no idea if the gun was loaded or not... what a mindfuck! But the story doesn't end there... he also didn't have any idea if the gun was loaded or not, because it was handed to him by a friend. Now to some that was maybe a step too far (it goes against all gun-safety training, and how can you evaluate risk if you don't know the state of play?). It caused a flame war, similar to what we've seen here. It wasn't productive. It (and other threads like this) turned JK into a group troll; he would say and do things just to provoke a reaction.

At the end of the day we're not responsible for what people do. We can help educate, and we can provide anecdotes based on personal experience (or even 2nd hand). We can be advisers, we can be educators, we can be listeners. But we shouldn't be barriers. We're not the keepers of the One Twue Way.
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Re: SSC, RACK, Kink shaming

Postby bound_jenny » 07 Apr 2019, 23:45

I've solved the problem. Locked Dummy has been banned.

Announcement coming.

Helplessness is a doorway to the innermost reaches of the soul.
If my corset isn't tight, it just isn't right!
Kink is the spice of life!
Come to the Dark Side - we have cookies!
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Re: SSC, RACK, Kink shaming

Postby cdinbonds » 08 Apr 2019, 04:24

Bless you, Mistress Jenny.
There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons - for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
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