Now what? Relationships can be tricky.

"Normal bondage" with a partner. Post here if your post do not fit the selfbondage threads.
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pavtron
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Now what? Relationships can be tricky.

Post by pavtron »

So here is the situation:

I'm male and my female wife played mistress for many years and things where great for a number of years. Then something happened (for her mentally) and she no longer found it acceptable to play with me. So I turned to self bondage. For the past few years I've been able to scratch that itch that comes just about every 3 months to play bondage of some kind. I didn't hide what I was doing nor did I try to involve her. Now I'm struggling to scratch that itch by myself wanting more and more to play with someone. Also her distaste for "weird and messed things" is has grown. Has anyone navigated a situation like this? I have tried and tried to give up my "Kinky" side with no luck. In fact the more I learn and talk with therapists the more I've become convinced it's not something you can give up. It can be somewhat replaced or transmuted, but I'm probably never going to be 100% Vanilla. Any suggestions would be helpful and appreciated.
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vm1971
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Re: Now what? Relationships can be tricky.

Post by vm1971 »

If you're talking to therapists, I have to assume you talked about your wife no longer engaging in this activity with you.

All relationships are about give & take. If you're going to accept a hard "no" from your wife when she was previously willing, that's only going to cause more problems.

She flipped the switch and your explanation implies that she gave no real explanation. There's likely an external influence at play here whether it's a new friend, old friend (that she told about) or some other confidant. Nobody just decides one day out of the blue that they aren't going to be kinky.

To me, this is a serious sit down conversation because this clearly makes you unhappy. Acceptance isn't a solution here.
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pavtron
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Re: Now what? Relationships can be tricky.

Post by pavtron »

vm1971 wrote:To me, this is a serious sit down conversation because this clearly makes you unhappy. Acceptance isn't a solution here.
Agreed! Thank you for your insight.
bound_bert
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Re: Now what? Relationships can be tricky.

Post by bound_bert »

I can't tell you what your partner thinks, however I can tell you a bit about mine. She apparently felt black mailed (her issues from childhood - I never said or did anything to indicate there would be negative outcomes from not playing kinky) she felt she had to do whatever I wanted to be a "good wife" .... Despite my frequent insistence that this was not true. It's possible that something like this is going on.
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