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Vanilla Wife

PostPosted: 31 Dec 2019, 01:49
by L1ontamer
Has anybody got experience of "turning" a vanilla wife?
Both my wife and I are retired and theoretically we should have plenty of time for each other. I would love to tie her and have her enjoy time bound. However she simply refuses to be bound. Has anybody got some advice or tips as to how I can convert her to binding pleasure?

Re: Vanilla Wife

PostPosted: 31 Dec 2019, 07:57
by JIMDINI
I am sorry but forget about it! If bondage does not 'rock her boat' then any form of coercion is simply bullying.

Re: Vanilla Wife

PostPosted: 31 Dec 2019, 08:50
by bound_jenny
I agree with Jim. If she doesn't want to, you can't make her like it or try it. Leave it alone.

There may be some insurmountable social or faith upbringing, or some bad memories, that could be blocking her. Since you're both retired - and have both had long lives, all this has had time to get ingrained in her persona.

The only other possibility is to let her tie you up (Do let some time go by before asking.). I don't know if being the submissive floats your goat, but it might float hers.

I said might. If she says no to that, I'd shelve your plans permanently. Or until she comes around without prodding on your part. The important thing is to not let her be forced or feel forced to do it. You've both had (obviously) long happy lives together and it would be a crime to ruin that with insistent requests for something she doesn't want. Be the man she married and has always known. Ladies work like that.

I know, because I am one. I don't jump into anything I don't want to do. And if I feel forced, like any cornered kitty, I use my claws to make it known that the answer was and still is no.

Jenny.

Re: Vanilla Wife

PostPosted: 01 Jan 2020, 00:18
by pavtron
Sorry man. You can suggest... but don't push. It doesn't end well.

There is some good info in few of these podcasts. Especially the episode about role play being just that play.

But when it comes to what she likes and doesn't... don't try push her. It won't work or end well. :/

Re: Vanilla Wife

PostPosted: 06 Jan 2020, 18:17
by SMDave
Is there anything that SHE would like that you could do together? You would be much better off adapting to her wishes than vice versa.

Re: Vanilla Wife

PostPosted: 03 Feb 2020, 15:48
by TdAdvtrs
Maybe it just seems super weird to her and asking to tie another person is a lot but asking them to tie you not so much as most people seem to think its a fun activity tying others even if its not a turn on.

Start by having her tie you to normalize the activity and make it fun then maybe you can start taking turns at it.

I always started with asking the girl to tie me cause that was what I was after from the start but it always ended up with us taking turns at being the tied one.

Re: Vanilla Wife

PostPosted: 08 Feb 2020, 10:04
by Giles English
I think it's generally easier to ask somebody to do the tying, and the dominating.

Re: Vanilla Wife

PostPosted: 05 Mar 2020, 23:16
by TdAdvtrs
Giles English wrote:I think it's generally easier to ask somebody to do the tying, and the dominating.



Absolutely. The only hard part for me was I thought I was unique about getting turned on by bondage scenes on TV and thought it was super weird and embarrassed about it and kept it deep in the closet as they say.

Then comes the internet and the super weird thing I always thought I need to keep secret because "it was only me" becomes mainstream.

Maybe this guys wife also fears doing something "weird" out of shame.

My earlier advice stands, normalize the activity.

What kind of sucks is IMO some of the stuff on the internet paints a bad picture of BDSM, so its great it was mainstreamed but internet makes it look like if you like one thing you like all of it so then people are like if you like A then you must also be into B, C, D, E , F , G through Z all that stuff online lumped together as "BDSM"

So please vanillas, if I ask to do A please don't say no cause you automatically think that automatically includes the dozens and dozens of activities listed under BDSM.

Re: Vanilla Wife

PostPosted: 16 Jun 2020, 16:29
by gaby
L1ontamer wrote:Has anybody got experience of "turning" a vanilla wife?
Both my wife and I are retired and theoretically we should have plenty of time for each other. I would love to tie her and have her enjoy time bound. However she simply refuses to be bound. Has anybody got some advice or tips as to how I can convert her to binding pleasure?


Well, my case was the opposite because I wanted to introduce my husband into bondage. I like being all tied up but my husband didn't like this. Maybe it is easier if you allow her to tie you up first.

I want to share with you some things I learned in my own process:
1-. If your wife say yes, PLEASE, do not play bondage all the time. Realize that she also has her likes and even if she want to please you at some point, it does not mean that she will like to do it all the time.
2-. It is a "sales" process. You need to know what she likes to know how to offer her what you want her to buy you. Otherwise you will probably obtain a "NO" like answer.
3-. Finally, if she said "NO", well, respect her decision and don't feel bad for this (...just return to point 2 and think a new plan :D )

I hope these help you.

Re: Vanilla Wife

PostPosted: 16 Jun 2020, 17:08
by Shannon SteelSlave
L1ontamer wrote:she simply refuses to be bound. Has anybody got some advice or tips as to how I can convert her to binding pleasure?

People who are into kink know it; very early in their lives, even before puberty. Vanilla people who have never experienced being tied for any reason will say that they don't enjoy it after trying it. Those who have been tied at some point in their lives will have formed an opinion at that point, and will automatically refuse and resist if it is suggested that it could happen again.
JIMDINI wrote:I am sorry but forget about it! If bondage does not 'rock her boat' then any form of coercion is simply bullying.

bound_jenny wrote:I agree with Jim. If she doesn't want to, you can't make her like it or try it. Leave it alone.

I don't jump into anything I don't want to do. And if I feel forced, like any cornered kitty, I use my claws to make it known that the answer was and still is no.

Jenny.

I know it's not what you want to hear, but my answer for trying to turn someone to kink after a clear refusal, is also no. I hope she accepts you as you are.

Re: Vanilla Wife

PostPosted: 28 Jun 2020, 02:01
by pavtron
Something that might help... search "sexual blueprint" there is a quiz you can take that will help the two of you find overlaps. You can build from there. There is a lot of junk with the quiz so ten minute email is useful.

Re: Vanilla Wife

PostPosted: 30 Jun 2020, 04:29
by Andrea Loves Bondage
I’d ask the OP if he would want to be tied up. If yes, then maybe he could ask his wife to help tie him up. If she says yes then maybe there is some room to maneuver. If she is disgusted by the idea then end of discussion.

If she was willing to play with him, and sees the pleasure that it gives him she might eventually agree to share in the experience.

My sense though is that this is not a good situation, as I suspect that she wants no part of what she may see as a perversion, and may even wonder about her husband going forward, especially if he’s only interested in doing the tying up.

Re: Vanilla Wife

PostPosted: 11 Aug 2020, 12:16
by restricted
We all agree that sex variation is great, I never realised that I could have got my wife to take up bondage until one day when I asked her and started tying her to the bed, she moaned it was uncomfortable. It was the same with cross dressing, when other women were about. she loved it. But not so keen on her own. Still, that is all in the past. She died 3 and a half years ago.

What you could do is ask her how she would spice up your sex life? Tell her you feel you are making her miss out and are letting her down. Write your wishes down and get her to write hers down. If any matches, head for that first and later try other things.

Sadly I didn't know about pegging. I am not up for it with a man. But later in life, even though she had many tests, she could not have sex. The skin around the vagina had brown thin and caused her pain even with KY etc. But had I known, I would have let her peg me as she may have had the big O of which which I had to do with my manual techniques. She could never do it for me manually nor would she do it oral or let me do anal on her.

But here is what pegging does for both partners. here are plenty of articles about it. https://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and ... o-pegging/

If she takes to tying you to a chair naked and gagged telling you she is off to bed leaving you there, you know you are on the right course. Otherwise she might straddle you.