Guess what, I have a real life bondage date!

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Guess what, I have a real life bondage date!

Postby Bound Whore » 12 Aug 2021, 17:56

True to my signature "Life's too short to pretend you're not into some kinky shit" I placed a classified looking for rope bunnies.
Yes, I was fully aware that this is a total crapshoot and finding a casual, enthusiastic female bondage partner without financial interests is virtually impossible, so I included the option that I would not rule out tying up guys as well.

Had a nice long chat with a dude and after some back and forth, cross-checking our interests and laying some ground rules we decided to take the plunge and meet in a hotel close to him later this month (he has family who is unaware of his kinks and I'd rather stay anonymous as well and not have an internet stranger know where I live - at least for the time being).

Fingers crossed he doesn't get cold feet. Also fingers crossed he's not a total creep.

For transparency's sake I disclosed that I was slightly bi-curious (my username in the classifieds hints at that) but assured him that it would not be a factor in our meeting and he was not bothered.

Do you have any advice? We established ground rules in chat - safe words, what ties and gags we intend to incorporate, that there will be no external stimulation from my side and he will be left to his own devices once tied until he signals otherwise. I had him agree in chat (and screenshotted it) that he was aware that despite me being careful and diligent, there is always a small risk of injury and that it's his decision and own responsibility should something unexpected happen. Do you think we need an actual written contract? We're not going to go hogwild on this meetup (although he will most likely be hogtied) and he confirmed he does not have any underlying conditions (asthma, back issues) and is in good health otherwise. We're both vaccinated. Any other bases we should cover?

Man, if this goes well, I might have a real life bondage buddy. So excited (yet preparing myself to not be disappointed if we don't gel).

On the very off chance he's in these forums and recognizes himself - don't worry, that's all I'm gonna divulge.
Life's too short to pretend you're not into some kinky shit.
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Re: Guess what, I have a real life bondage date!

Postby Shannon SteelSlave » 12 Aug 2021, 18:01

I will go through this later, but for now, good luck. If anything doesn't feel right, don't feel too obligated to leave.
Bondage is like a foreign film without subtitles. Only through sharing and practice can we hope to understand.
A Jedi uses bondage for knowledge and defense, never for attack.
I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T!....I, I mean S-M-A-R-T!
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Re: Guess what, I have a real life bondage date!

Postby kinbaku » 12 Aug 2021, 18:48

Shannon SteelSlave wrote:If anything doesn't feel right, don't feel too obligated to leave.

But untie him first. :rofl: :rofl: Just kidding.

I would at least prepare a written contract beforehand in duplicate - for each of you.
You can then discuss both of them first and make any adjustments to everyone's liking. However, this prevents problems if the other person changes his mind in the event of an undesirable event.

Anyway, good luck with each other.
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Re: Guess what, I have a real life bondage date!

Postby KinkInSpace » 12 Aug 2021, 19:56

Honestly, I would definitely meet up as normal people, and meet at a bar as a normal date first, and chat about normal stuff. Then if all feels good, go to a private place, and talk about kinky stuff but still not go anywhere near tied up, just talk the kinky part over and discuss that nothing happens that evening and say goodbye.

Reflect on shared interest and only when everything feels good, the next date is an actual playdate.

I mean, if you date a real girl, the first date is not going to be in bed having sex either. The first date is to get to know each other too. This is very important because you will be trusting each other for a far bigger part than any other kind of relationship.

If someone is after robbing you, they will not settle for anything but just one date, and this date you usually can say if it will work out or not.

Also, you can give each other dares in terms of bondage that does not incorporate complete and 100% restricted bondage too. Like wear a karada below your clothes during the meeting and show each other the karada without taking off your pants. This will ensure the other is definitely into kink the same way you are and not just trying to get on your side.
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Re: Guess what, I have a real life bondage date!

Postby Bound Whore » 12 Aug 2021, 22:29

I appreciate the feedback. I will consider/discuss setting up a brief "letter of intent" and propose a beforehand meeting, but that could prove to be difficult due to the distance - at least a one hour drive each way and he's got a work schedule and the family.

In the end, as I see it, he's taking a bigger risk to get screwed over while being helpless.
Should I be suspicious that he is so non-chalant about it and does not insist on meeting his "captor" first? Maybe.
Maybe he's just a very trusting person who is happy and excited to find someone to share his kink with for a couple of hours.
I mean, most of us know too well how hard that is.

I wll be on the lookout for any odd signals, but personally, I feel pretty safe in this scenario.
Life's too short to pretend you're not into some kinky shit.
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Re: Guess what, I have a real life bondage date!

Postby Shannon SteelSlave » 12 Aug 2021, 23:29

You're probably on the date already as I write this. I agree with Kink In Space. Any first date, regardless of the underlying engine should be about getting to know each other, feeling each other out, and deciding where to go from there. I feel that nothing should be rushed because of schedule inconveniences on your date's part. This could be the ultimate trust you are putting in him. We don't generally encourage private meet ups, we're more of a munch crowd. But we're here to offer any advice to anyone who wants to go forward on their own for secret meetings, and try to offer the safe way of thinking.
As far as a contract is concerned, depending on your location, you may not be able to sign away certain rights as a "victim", nor absolve any responsibility as a captor. I wish I had time to post this before : viewtopic.php?f=2&t=8748 , a story of bondage consent gone horribly wrong.
I am not telling you what to do, but you did ask us for any feedback.
Tell us how it went, Ok?
Bondage is like a foreign film without subtitles. Only through sharing and practice can we hope to understand.
A Jedi uses bondage for knowledge and defense, never for attack.
I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T!....I, I mean S-M-A-R-T!
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Re: Guess what, I have a real life bondage date!

Postby Lotharjulz » 13 Aug 2021, 04:25

If I were an attorney (ehmm), I would advise you that a contract for intimate relations means absolutely nothing (in the US at least). It may help you organize your scenario with him, but does nothing from a legal perspective.

I like the date idea floated but I understand the distance. Maybe just met for dinner first before jumping in the room.
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Re: Guess what, I have a real life bondage date!

Postby lj » 13 Aug 2021, 08:19

Assuming it hasn't happened yet, some comments...

whilst I can't be sure, I doubt any written contract would have any significance if injury or death resulted from the OP's application of bondage - I think I am right in saying in the UK, for example, you cannot agree to receiving bodily injury - the person who causes it is always to blame. Any contract etc may help your defence but you would still face trial.

you need to establish a safe word and it MUST be acknowledged and you MUST release the person immediately, no questions asked.

Use quick-release knots wherever possible (obviously not within reach of the victim!) to make a quick release possible

ensure you have at least one pair of safety shears (ER shears or whatever they are called - the type used for emergency cutting of clothing etc by paramedics)

avoid constriction of the throat, don't use mouth-blocking gags

have a phone within easy reach if you need emergency support and use it if you are unsure ( I had a guy who wanted to be chained up in a vertical cage (at a play-party) - he fainted so needed very rapid release, recovery position etc - I'm a First Aider, but for all I knew at the time it could have been something much more dangerous)

personally, I would only meet up, in the OP's circumstances, with someone I already knew from contact in play-parties, but the OP must do his own risk assessment!
be a switch, double the fun :-)
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Re: Guess what, I have a real life bondage date!

Postby Lotharjulz » 06 Sep 2021, 03:44

Inquiring minds want to know: How did this turn out?
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Re: Guess what, I have a real life bondage date!

Postby Shannon SteelSlave » 06 Sep 2021, 04:14

Lotharjulz wrote:Inquiring minds want to know: How did this turn out?

Yeah.
Bondage is like a foreign film without subtitles. Only through sharing and practice can we hope to understand.
A Jedi uses bondage for knowledge and defense, never for attack.
I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T!....I, I mean S-M-A-R-T!
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Re: Guess what, I have a real life bondage date!

Postby bound_jenny » 06 Sep 2021, 07:36

At this point, nearly a month after the OP announced this bondage date, I'd say that concerned minds what to know...

Hoping it all turned out OK.

Jenny.

Edit: last visit to the forum was September 4th, two days ago.
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Re: Guess what, I have a real life bondage date!

Postby Bound Whore » 06 Sep 2021, 10:05

Oh, yeah, right.
Thanks for your concerns, but everything went fine, everyone's accounted for :)

Well, we met last week, I haven't posted yet because I took some pictures with his phone and he wanted to go through them and send me a couple.
Having a family who does not know about his kinks, I expected it can be difficult to sit down and browse them at his own leisure, but he told me in chat that he hopes to get to it shortly. He didn't object to me sharing pics online, but I am going to to confirm with him once again before posting here.

The meetup was fine overall. Of course we both were a bit nervous, we met at a café close to the hotel we had reserved a room for half the day.
I offered to sit down for a bit but we both felt comfortable enough to just head up to our room after a brief face to face chat.

After checking in, unpacking and setting up some photo gear (basically just a photo lamp and a tripod for his phone), we went over what scenarios we settled on, discussed our safe words/noises/gestures again and I briefed him on the other ways I would use to check on him being ok.

I laid down two pairs of scissors just in case I tripped and smashed my head in. You know, always be prepared.

We wanted to start easy, so I just tied his hands behind his back, and ankles knees together, planning to evolve it into a hogtie.
He brought his own ballgag harness, so that came next. First lesson learned after it was in place: don't ask someone who is gagged "either/or" questions :gag:

I gave him a couple of minutes after each following stage to settle and struggle a bit.
After a while, I tied his wrists to the knee coils first and the ankles to the wrists shortly after.

He was more of a passive captive, only struggling very lightly and mostly taking the tie in moaning silently into his gag - which, considering we did not know how thin the room's walls were, was probably for the best.
Honestly I would have preferred him being a bit more active, since this is what I tend to enjoy most in the videos I watch, but this was more about him, so I didn't push him on it.

Added a chest harness with a light elbow tie (even though he had a fairly slim build, he unfortunately could not put his elbows together :cry: ), undid the ankle to wrist tie and fastened the ankles to the chest harness.

Since he had to go back home to his family, we could not go overboard and leave any lasting marks, so the arch wasn't very strict, but his movement was quite limited.

This whole progression took maybe an hour, after which he started to feel his hands going slightly numb, so I untied him and we took a short break.

Then we switched to a chair tie, swapped the ballgag harness with his inflatable butterfly gag and a leather hood that I brought (which was a new piece of gear for him). He enjoyed the sensation, the mask held the gag in place without pushing it in too hard (he usually uses tape to secure the butterfly gag). Swapped the gags again after 20 minutes to a sponge and tape, which is gathered from our chat his favourite way to be gagged. Personally, I'm all for ballgags (visually and from the way they feel), but wrapping tape tightly around a head (did two vertical loops as well for good measure) has its appeal as well.

After a while his hands started to go numb again, so I readjusted and tied them to the armrests for the final stretch.
We had agreed that no stimulation from my part would take place, but I asked beforehand in chat if he would like to try getting a magic wand tied to his crotch (he was fully clothed the whole time btw, no fetish clothing, just plain jeans/t-shirt). Asked again if he would like to try, he nodded and from his reaction he enjoyed it quite a bit. Another 20 minutes later he signaled he would like me to untie him and we ended the session after a total of 2,5 hours.

He told me later he did not enjoy the char tie as much as the hogtie (except for the magic wand), but overall it was a pleasant experience and we will stay in touch and agreed that we wanted to do this again some time.

As for me, I enjoyed the meetup as well, but I gotta admit (and I knew this going in), working with a female partner would have been way more ... interesting.
This was the first time I ever tied up a guy, and I was hoping that doing to him what I would like someone to do to me would somehow trigger a more intense reaction. It definetly was fun trying some ties you usually can't do in a self-bondage scenario and seeing someone in an inescapable tie right in front of you, but the dynamic is quite different. The lack of struggling on his part was a bit of a downer, but again, it's about him and that was totally fine with me.

I wouldn't have minded to touch/manhandle/stimulate him despite me being straight (but bi-curious as of late), but we ruled that out and I had not pushed for it at all in our chat. Maybe he'll be more comfortable/open to it should we actually meet up again. His choice.

Another takeaway: tying someone up is quite easy. Making a tie look good though is hard work. Selfbondage often is visually sloppy and we don't care, because, well, it's selfbondage and sometimes you improvise. Too often there is way to much dangly rope left after you cinch something when flying solo.
But in a bondage scenario, if you want the tie to look great, you gotta do some planning and cut down on the improvisation.

Well, photos will hopefully follow.
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Re: Guess what, I have a real life bondage date!

Postby kinbaku » 07 Sep 2021, 16:44

Bound Whore wrote:The lack of struggling on his part was a bit of a downer, but again, it's about him and that was totally fine with me.

I wouldn't have minded to touch/manhandle/stimulate him despite me being straight (but bi-curious as of late), but we ruled that out and I had not pushed for it at all in our chat. Maybe he'll be more comfortable/open to it should we actually meet up again. His choice.

Another takeaway: tying someone up is quite easy. Making a tie look good though is hard work. Selfbondage often is visually sloppy and we don't care, because, well, it's selfbondage and sometimes you improvise. Too often there is way to much dangly rope left after you cinch something when flying solo.
But in a bondage scenario, if you want the tie to look great, you gotta do some planning and cut down on the improvisation.

Good to hear that you deal with the sub so responsibly and take care of everything to the satisfaction of the sub, at the moment you do not give yourself the optimal as it wanted itself.
But that only increases the trust in the relationship so that you can develop a wonderful relationship of friends in the future.
Best of luck with this relationship. :hi:
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Re: Guess what, I have a real life bondage date!

Postby Lotharjulz » 08 Sep 2021, 04:25

I'm so glad you both were safe and at least one of you got what they wanted :D And thank you for sharing all those details! Hopefully you will build that trust and get to push the limits of your friend.

A suggestion: Often times my top will ask me to try and escape in front of them and I'm usually bratty reluctant to demonstrate any weakness that I can exploit later on. However, I'm usually given a positive reinforcement reward (extra slack at night, favorite vibrator, less teasing, more orgasms in the season, etc) if I earnestly try and struggle to their satisfaction.

Maybe offer the vibrator only if they do some things for you as well.
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Re: Guess what, I have a real life bondage date!

Postby Lyn » 11 Sep 2021, 13:45

It sounds like you handled things very well, both of you, and had a good time even if it wasn't everything you wanted it to be. Not bad for a first venture into something new. Thanks for posting the story.
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