A little help with telling your partner

Crossdressing as a part of or type of selfbondage.
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bound_bianca
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Re: A little help with telling your partner

Post by bound_bianca »

If it might help others . I decided to tell my girlfriend at time when things started to get serious . My thinking was : it's better to do it now then later on . If it didn't work out at least we would be able to go our separate ways , fortunately for me she really enjoyed it . As a matter of fact because she accepted that part of me made me feel accepted , liberated . It allowed to venture further into my feminine side . Before feeling accepted I wouldn't have dared to put on make up or put on a wig .

I couldn't imagine myself living with someone and having to hide such a big part of me . I couldn't live a lie with someone . I know a lot of people are afraid that if they tell their partner they MIGHT end up alone but I think it's a chance we have to take . A great man once said : All we have to fear is fear itself . Fear can stop us from becoming who we really want to be .
the_bondage_guy
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Re: A little help with telling your partner

Post by the_bondage_guy »

I don't have a wife or girlfriend but I do have a FWB I told about my CD. She is okay with the idea and helps me with makeup ideas and clothing. I feel extremely lucky I found her.
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Re: A little help with telling your partner

Post by Vanilla »

I understand, it makes you feel a little more helpless, a bit humiliated, if your tied wearing thigh high silk stockings.

Personally all naked works best for me but the link at the top is good.

Play safe.
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Natybound
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Re: A little help with telling your partner

Post by Natybound »

Nikkinylons wrote:I realize that everyone's situation is different but considering that I am 52 years old, I have been dressing since I was a teen, and involved in numerous relationships I would like to offer some suggestions and advice that could very easily make your second life much more enjoyable.

The first time I tried crossdressing I was 18 years old and had been dating my girlfriend for about two years. We had been drinking and messing around and she had me put on a pair of her panties, garters, and stockings while we were in the bed together. The bottom line was that it was all in good fun but I found that it got me very aroused and really turned on by the feel of the material. She realized this as well and over the course of the next four years dressing became a big part of our relationship as well as sex life.

When we broke up I was devastated. By now crossdressing had become a huge part of who I really was and there was honestly no turning back no matter how many times I tried to tell myself to stop. I purged my things and told myself I am not going to do this anymore only to find myself buying more lingerie, shoes, and clothes to replace the items that I threw away. My next two girlfriend's eventually found out about my dressing by discovering my secret stash. Neither tried to understand or for that matter wanted to hear what I had to say. The broke up with me and that was that!

I went several years alone before starting to date and yet once again made the mistake of getting myself caught by being careless. Another year went by and I met my first soon to be wife. I really loved her and thought, this is the one. I purged, we married, and two months later I found myself once again replacing my female wardrobe. About one year in to our relationship and she found my things that I had gone to great lengths to hide really well in the attic. All because she wanted to clean and unpack some of the things that we had placed up there when we moved. She demanded I throw everything away and never do it again to which I agreed and yet, eight months later decided she wanted a divorce because she just couldn't deal with the fact that I had crossdressed.

From that day forward I told myself that I would never ever enter in to another relationship with a woman unless she knew everything there was to know about me. Sure I dated a few women and told them which basically ran them off but eventually I found a woman that accepted me for me and we dated for seven years before getting married. We have since been married for ten years and going strong.

The point is that you really owe it to yourself to be honest with someone, especially if your plan is to be with this person for the rest of your life. Sure, you might manage to live your other life and never get caught but what happens when you do? Besides, if the person really loves you then they should be willing to accept you for the person your really are. If you are really in love you owe it to them and they owe it to you in return.

On a side note let me just say that having a partner in your life that is 100% involved in your kinks and fetishes really makes it that much more enjoyable. Besides dressing and bondage I also enjoy it when she tells other people about me getting all dressed up or when we go to the store and she lets it be known that those clothes and shoes are for me. She knows it turns me on and it just makes her happy knowing that I am as well!
I understand you. My wife knows my taste for crossdressing. I told her several years ago after our marriage. It wasn't easy, but she tolerates it and sometimes helps me buy clothes and high heels. In a way, I feel like I cheated on her all that time because she married with a "man" (the way she defined this) and got one crossdresser. In a way, it wasn't fair to her because she didn't have a choice. :cry:
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Andrea Loves Bondage
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Re: A little help with telling your partner

Post by Andrea Loves Bondage »

I was honest with my wife on our second date. She accepted it, but was more tolerant than enthusiastic. She always worried about others seeing me dressed up, so for many years I basically did it after hours. She worked shift so I started adding wigs, makeup and other accouterments and would go out when she worked an evening shift. I’d venture over to boutiques and love shops shopping for more clothes or toys. Most of the time this happened in the winter when it was dark early so hopefully neighbours wouldn’t see.

But as time went on I’d venture out during daylight hours, sometimes without my wig or jewelry, and a coat on to hide the boobs until I was a few blocks from home, so if a neighbour saw me they might not really notice. As I got better at my makeup I could manage to pass as a female so I was braver when going out in daylight. I’d even shop in regular stores, but I hate the tile floors in many stores/malls when in my 5” heels.

Also into selfbondage which my wife knows nothing about.

After getting seriously ill (pneumonia) about 6 years ago I purged 90% of my clothes and all the bondage gear because I was concerned about what she’d find if I had died, which could have devastated her beyond just losing me. After that the collection grew again, including some more serious bondage gear. One year she went on an out of town trip with a friend, so I booked a few days off work and basically crossdressed for the whole time she was gone. Plus a pretty serious bondage session, which ended with me having to climb two flights of stairs blind and on 6” heels to get the keys to remove the hood and gag.

Shortly after that our grandson moved in with us, and he was so nosy that I decided to purge everything, especially since I’d never have opportunity to use them anyway. Lately the grandson has moved to live with another relative as my wife and I just can’t do it anymore, so I have restocked CD gear, and am thinking about bondage again too, but not sure yet. Just hoping that my two outfit, one pair of shoes is all I’ll need, but I’m sure that I’ll have to buy a few more pieces as time goes on. Got wigs, makeup and jewelry again too, and although she is retired now, there may still be opportunities for me to go out.

With COVID-19 I’m working from home, and so I can fulfill my biggest dream, going to work in dress and heels. My office is upstairs and due to her hips and back she rarely come up there (our bedroom is on the main floor). She is used to me disappearing up there for work for 2-3 hours before coming down for a break, so a 2 hour session is feasible. Just have to make sure the camera is off when I do conference calls.
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Re: A little help with telling your partner

Post by Natybound »

Andrea Loves Bondage wrote: With COVID-19 I’m working from home, and so I can fulfill my biggest dream, going to work in dress and heels. My office is upstairs and due to her hips and back she rarely come up there (our bedroom is on the main floor). She is used to me disappearing up there for work for 2-3 hours before coming down for a break, so a 2 hour session is feasible. Just have to make sure the camera is off when I do conference calls.
Good for you. In your case, coronavirus was not so bad :lol:

I think it is a little bit risky to do some bondage and maybe you could not enjoy as much as you want of doing this (or maybe the fear to be discovered adds some spice to the experience 8) ). Anyway be careful.
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Andrea Loves Bondage
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Re: A little help with telling your partner

Post by Andrea Loves Bondage »

Natybound wrote:
Andrea Loves Bondage wrote: With COVID-19 I’m working from home, and so I can fulfill my biggest dream, going to work in dress and heels. My office is upstairs and due to her hips and back she rarely come up there (our bedroom is on the main floor). She is used to me disappearing up there for work for 2-3 hours before coming down for a break, so a 2 hour session is feasible. Just have to make sure the camera is off when I do conference calls.
Good for you. In your case, coronavirus was not so bad :lol:

I think it is a little bit risky to do some bondage and maybe you could not enjoy as much as you want of doing this (or maybe the fear to be discovered adds some spice to the experience 8) ). Anyway be careful.
Yes, this would be cross dress only, but the whole meal deal, wig, makeup, jewelry, nails, heels, etc.
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Natybound
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Re: A little help with telling your partner

Post by Natybound »

I took some time to write something about how to talk to your wife about crossdressing. I would like to read your comments about it.

I also hope that this post will be useful to some of you :D
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Re: A little help with telling your partner

Post by Natasha Belle »

Natybound wrote:I took some time to write something about how to talk to your wife about crossdressing. I would like to read your comments about it.

I also hope that this post will be useful to some of you :D
That's a very good article Natybound, I would suggest putting the paragraph starting 'In order to talk about this with your wife you must first know for sure...' at the beginning of the article as this is, IMHO, the most important point. I would add to make sure that your wife doesn't get the idea that you're gay (unless you are), that is another trip to the divorce lawyers. :facepalm:

A very interesting site you have made. I've bookmarked for more reading.
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Re: A little help with telling your partner

Post by Natybound »

Natasha Belle wrote:
Natybound wrote:I took some time to write something about how to talk to your wife about crossdressing. I would like to read your comments about it.

I also hope that this post will be useful to some of you :D
That's a very good article Natybound, I would suggest putting the paragraph starting 'In order to talk about this with your wife you must first know for sure...' at the beginning of the article as this is, IMHO, the most important point. I would add to make sure that your wife doesn't get the idea that you're gay (unless you are), that is another trip to the divorce lawyers. :facepalm:

A very interesting site you have made. I've bookmarked for more reading.
Thank you Natasha for visiting my blog. I'm glad to know that you find my blog interesting. You encourage me to keep writing :D
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Karren
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Re: A little help with telling your partner

Post by Karren »

Natybound wrote:I took some time to write something about how to talk to your wife about crossdressing. I would like to read your comments about it.

I also hope that this post will be useful to some of you :D
That was well written and would have helped me a lot.... 45 years ago! lol Obviously I did everything wrong and she discovered some of my clothing (after 30 years of marriage). Still married though she is not a big fan of my hobby!
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Re: A little help with telling your partner

Post by Natybound »

Karren wrote:
Natybound wrote:I took some time to write something about how to talk to your wife about crossdressing. I would like to read your comments about it.

I also hope that this post will be useful to some of you :D
That was well written and would have helped me a lot.... 45 years ago! lol Obviously I did everything wrong and she discovered some of my clothing (after 30 years of marriage). Still married though she is not a big fan of my hobby!
:rofl:

People say it's never too late to learn. Anyway, I'm glad to hear that you found the information useful. :D
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Re: A little help with telling your partner

Post by Hannah_G »

Interesting thread! Seems like the majority don’t want a SO that crossdresses. I’ve had to keep this a secret for almost 20yrs. I skirted around the topic early in our relationship and the response was “I don’t want to see my boyfriend in a dress”. One Halloween she did offer to loan me a dress to wear but given the views expressed I couldn’t take her up on it!!

Nowadays everything is double standards as she’s got the LGBTQ+ lanyard for work, but I guarantee if I tried to bring up my feelings it wouldn’t be accepted. It’s like “I’m OK with a guy wearing a dress, as long as it isn’t my guy”.
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Re: A little help with telling your partner

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Andy_G wrote:Interesting thread! Seems like the majority don’t want a SO that crossdresses. I’ve had to keep this a secret for almost 20yrs. I skirted around the topic early in our relationship and the response was “I don’t want to see my boyfriend in a dress”. One Halloween she did offer to loan me a dress to wear but given the views expressed I couldn’t take her up on it!!

Nowadays everything is double standards as she’s got the LGBTQ+ lanyard for work, but I guarantee if I tried to bring up my feelings it wouldn’t be accepted. It’s like “I’m OK with a guy wearing a dress, as long as it isn’t my guy”.
Oh dear, a double standard is a cruel thing. Though perhaps her attitude has changed, maybe it is time to test the water again or perhaps she is just being trendy as I seem to have noticed a trend recently for people to be all out there and showing your support for different ways of living without actually understanding it or being really in support of it but just claiming to be or wearing the colours because some celebrities do.
Last edited by bounddosster on 24 Jan 2022, 09:52, edited 1 time in total.
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BoundInKasugai
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Re: A little help with telling your partner

Post by BoundInKasugai »

It is one thing to accept or support men crossdressing, it's another to find your partner in female attire appealing. That's not to say it couldn't be accepted. After all, one would assume or hope that a relationship is held together by more than just appeal. However, appeal is not an insignificant part.

And then there is the difficulty of trust and feeling that something has been hidden for years. Not something to be taken lightly. One could easily see how this could cause a crisis. Each has to decide for themselves whether the potential benefits outweigh the risks.
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