The wife's point of view on crossdressing

Crossdressing as a part of or type of selfbondage.
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Natybound
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The wife's point of view on crossdressing

Post by Natybound »

Today I would like to ask you all a favor. For some time now I have been in contact with wives who have had bad experiences with crossdresser husbands.

By bad experiences I mean that the marriage ended because the spouses did not find a way to settle their differences.

From these conversations I came up with the idea of writing a post in which I tried to present the point of view of the wives (because there were several) on this topic.

The idea is to have information that is really useful for anyone in our community who is in this situation.

The first impression I got when I read it was that it was very hard and discouraging and I would like whoever reads it not to feel that but to feel that they now have more information to face this situation and have a better chance of success.

As it is, I would very much like to receive your comments on this matter. Believe me, they would be of great help to me.

Thank you in advance

P.S.: I almost forgot, the link is as follows https://enjoycrossdressing.blogspot.com ... ssing.html
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Karren
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Re: The wife's point of view on crossdressing

Post by Karren »

Very good! I know I have always taken my wife feeling into account after all she didn't sign up for this. She didn't know before we got married, she doesn't want to be married to another woman... all those things. Been 15 years since she found out and she is still angry and will not discuss the subject at all...
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Re: The wife's point of view on crossdressing

Post by Natybound »

Karren wrote:Very good! I know I have always taken my wife feeling into account after all she didn't sign up for this. She didn't know before we got married, she doesn't want to be married to another woman... all those things. Been 15 years since she found out and she is still angry and will not discuss the subject at all...
Too bad, but thanks for taking the time to read the article and comment on it. :)

From your personal experience, do you think anything should be added or modified in the post?
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kinbaku
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Re: The wife's point of view on crossdressing

Post by kinbaku »

Natybound wrote:
Karren wrote:Very good! I know I have always taken my wife feeling into account after all she didn't sign up for this. She didn't know before we got married, she doesn't want to be married to another woman... all those things. Been 15 years since she found out and she is still angry and will not discuss the subject at all...
Too bad, but thanks for taking the time to read the article and comment on it. :)

From your personal experience, do you think anything should be added or modified in the post?
I think the post is clear and important to many people. Also important is the 2 points in the last paragraph of the blogspot and try to talk to each other. Every marriage has its problems and these can only be solved by seeking a solution together.
Sometimes you have to search very carefully and pamper the other thoroughly before you can put certain things on the table.
However, this is my personal opinion and I wish everyone a lot of strength in this.
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Karren
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Re: The wife's point of view on crossdressing

Post by Karren »

I found out that "not telling" is perceived two different ways. In her head, "not telling" about my secret was the same as lying to her while in my mind, it was not lying since she never came out asked me if I crossdressed... Loosing that trust is really hard to get back.

And how would you feel if your wife started dressing like a man, binding her breasts and putting a fake penis in her(his) underwear? Not may men would be super excited to support her new lifestyle.... Got to be the same feeling the wives ae going through...
I reject your reality and substitute my own….......

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Re: The wife's point of view on crossdressing

Post by bound_jenny »

Also, do not overlook the fact that women are extremely observant and can notice the slightest detail out of place. And once we get our curiosity up, we will eventually find out.

This leads to the conclusion that the mate is hiding something from us, leading to a loss of trust, at the very least.

That trust is what ladies count on, from that rock she's married to. A constant that reassures us that everything is stable. That we are still the prime object of attention. When that solid anchor gets loose... it's like losing the man in one's life... :cry:

Jenny.
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kinbaku
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Re: The wife's point of view on crossdressing

Post by kinbaku »

Karren wrote:... Loosing that trust is really hard to get back.
I think not telling her in advance was a mistake. But who never makes a mistake? So try to regain her confidence and work to rebuild that trust, how difficult it is. Since you are married there are so many more things why you love each other. I hope that one day she will forgive you and that you can be happy together for a long time to come.

Apologize, Natybound, for pirating a post that is actually intended to be answered by women.
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Re: The wife's point of view on crossdressing

Post by Natybound »

kinbaku wrote:
Natybound wrote:
Karren wrote:Very good! I know I have always taken my wife feeling into account after all she didn't sign up for this. She didn't know before we got married, she doesn't want to be married to another woman... all those things. Been 15 years since she found out and she is still angry and will not discuss the subject at all...
Too bad, but thanks for taking the time to read the article and comment on it. :)

From your personal experience, do you think anything should be added or modified in the post?
I think the post is clear and important to many people. Also important is the 2 points in the last paragraph of the blogspot and try to talk to each other. Every marriage has its problems and these can only be solved by seeking a solution together.
Sometimes you have to search very carefully and pamper the other thoroughly before you can put certain things on the table.
However, this is my personal opinion and I wish everyone a lot of strength in this.
Your opinion is highly valued by me. Thank you for sharing it. Certainly communication is fundamental in a couple relationship. Whenever I think of communication I remember a phrase from one of my college professors that went something like this, words more words less, the result of communication is the response you get regardless of the intention. It doesn't matter what you meant to say but what the other person understood.
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Re: The wife's point of view on crossdressing

Post by Natybound »

Karren wrote:I found out that "not telling" is perceived two different ways. In her head, "not telling" about my secret was the same as lying to her while in my mind, it was not lying since she never came out asked me if I crossdressed... Loosing that trust is really hard to get back.

And how would you feel if your wife started dressing like a man, binding her breasts and putting a fake penis in her(his) underwear? Not may men would be super excited to support her new lifestyle.... Got to be the same feeling the wives ae going through...
Certainly, that is the point. But I think knowing this improves your chances of talking about it and coming to some mutually beneficial agreement. Although it is no guarantee that the latter will be achieved either.
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Re: The wife's point of view on crossdressing

Post by Natybound »

bound_jenny wrote:Also, do not overlook the fact that women are extremely observant and can notice the slightest detail out of place. And once we get our curiosity up, we will eventually find out.

This leads to the conclusion that the mate is hiding something from us, leading to a loss of trust, at the very least.

That trust is what ladies count on, from that rock she's married to. A constant that reassures us that everything is stable. That we are still the prime object of attention. When that solid anchor gets loose... it's like losing the man in one's life... :cry:

Jenny.
Yes, maintaining trust is fundamental in a couple. When this is missing, doubts begin to appear (founded or not), and even worse, to multiply, and that in turn weakens trust. A vicious circle.
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Re: The wife's point of view on crossdressing

Post by Natybound »

kinbaku wrote:
Karren wrote:... Loosing that trust is really hard to get back.
I think not telling her in advance was a mistake. But who never makes a mistake? So try to regain her confidence and work to rebuild that trust, how difficult it is. Since you are married there are so many more things why you love each other. I hope that one day she will forgive you and that you can be happy together for a long time to come.

Apologize, Natybound, for pirating a post that is actually intended to be answered by women.
:lol:
Don't worry, I launched the consultation here because I am interested in everyone's opinion. As I mentioned at the beginning, my intention is to create something that can actually help someone.

The women I talked to were very bitter about everything they went through, and hurt because they felt that their husbands hurt them very badly. That's where I got the idea for the article. I tried to extract the useful things from all those conversations and now I present them to you to see if it did the job. :wink:
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Re: The wife's point of view on crossdressing

Post by Shannon SteelSlave »

In the defense of the deviant partner, sometimes habits of cross dressing and/or gender identity "issues" can develop later in life, years or decades after a marriage commitment has been made. It can be unknown to them at that time, or what may have not been a big deal early on, may become more insatiable later, and "symptoms" come out.
On the side of the affected partner, it is reasonable to feel cheated when the duties of the spouse are no longer fulfilled as part of the change. When you buy a lumpy cammed V8 engine car with 300 horsepower, and later it becomes an electric car still with 300 horsepower, they may feel there is something missing.
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Re: The wife's point of view on crossdressing

Post by Karren »

kinbaku wrote:
Karren wrote:... Loosing that trust is really hard to get back.
I think not telling her in advance was a mistake. But who never makes a mistake? So try to regain her confidence and work to rebuild that trust, how difficult it is. Since you are married there are so many more things why you love each other. I hope that one day she will forgive you and that you can be happy together for a long time to come.
Telling 40 years ago was coming out as a pervert... Transgender hadn't been invented yet... nor kind of accepted like it is today... Totally my fault for not telling her.. but I never planned on telling anyone, ever!
I reject your reality and substitute my own….......

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Re: The wife's point of view on crossdressing

Post by kinbaku »

Karren wrote:Telling 40 years ago was coming out as a pervert... Transgender hadn't been invented yet... nor kind of accepted like it is today... Totally my fault for not telling her.. but I never planned on telling anyone, ever!
Hopefully there will be the solution for an improvement in your marriage. Perhaps with a letter to each other in which you confirm why you still like each other, but in which you mention the small details that you would have liked differently from each other. But without the obligation of the other to change, because that is rarely possible. But that way you know a little more about each other. In your case, you will be able to explain why you have not mentioned this in advance, so that she knows at least and the trust is not damaged.
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Re: The wife's point of view on crossdressing

Post by Natybound »

Shannon SteelSlave wrote:In the defense of the deviant partner, sometimes habits of cross dressing and/or gender identity "issues" can develop later in life, years or decades after a marriage commitment has been made. It can be unknown to them at that time, or what may have not been a big deal early on, may become more insatiable later, and "symptoms" come out.
On the side of the affected partner, it is reasonable to feel cheated when the duties of the spouse are no longer fulfilled as part of the change. When you buy a lumpy cammed V8 engine car with 300 horsepower, and later it becomes an electric car still with 300 horsepower, they may feel there is something missing.
I totally agree with you. This is one of those situations where no one is at fault and at the same time everyone is at fault. I don't think there is a magic formula to deal with this situation in an optimal and fair way for both. Besides the fact that not all cases are the same.
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