A Transwoman Who Still Crossdresses...Kind Of

Crossdressing as a part of or type of selfbondage.
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Jessica_Rose
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A Transwoman Who Still Crossdresses...Kind Of

Post by Jessica_Rose »

To provide context, I am a transwoman who has been happily transitioned for six years now. I began hormones at the age of 18 and began presenting fully as a woman at the age of 19. Prior to then, I identified as a crossdresser as I found sexual gratification from wearing women's clothing. Obviously, something changed and the idea of being a woman for me transcended sexual pleasure...mostly. What I find interesting is that even after six years of wearing women's clothing fulltime there are still items and outfits that are sexually arousing to me, which makes me feel like I still crossdress in a way. My current wardrobe is devoid of color (except for the occasional burgundy and red) because solid blacks, grays, and whites are easier to match and provide me with the aesthetic I enjoy. Picture a gothic vampire fem and you'll get an idea of how I like to present. With that said I will now say this...

I love the color pink and the combination of pink and white. I even like the idea of dressing this way while donning a blonde wig. Jessie is actually the name I use when I am in this headspace because it feels more fitting and serves to heighten the excitement. I find the thought of presenting this way, and being tied up as such, to be incredibly arousing. Even though I accept my kinks and the kinks of others I experience shame around these desires, which I feel is akin to how others may experience crossdressing. Are there others who experience this or something similar? I always found it to be a unique facet of my sexual interests and am curious as to what others think on the matter.

Despite the shame I experience, and now that I am no longer subjected to the lack of privacy of a college student with a roommate, perhaps it's time to explore.
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Shannon SteelSlave
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Re: A Transwoman Who Still Crossdresses...Kind Of

Post by Shannon SteelSlave »

You can find a kind audience here with which to model, Jessie : viewtopic.php?f=15&t=4483.
Maybe see you there?
Bondage is like a foreign film without subtitles. Only through sharing and practice can we hope to understand.
A Jedi uses bondage for knowledge and defense, never for attack.
I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T!....I, I mean S-M-A-R-T!
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BoundInKasugai
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Re: A Transwoman Who Still Crossdresses...Kind Of

Post by BoundInKasugai »

Maybe I am not the one to talk, as I have not gone that far down the rabbit hole. But I believe that for some (most?) of those that are into kinky things, part of the excitement is that it is "wrong". Whether that pertains to clothing, roleplay or smacking the shit out of someone. And although this makes things extra exciting in the moment, the flipside is that it can invoke feelings of guild. It may help to define what ones limitations are. I am pretty sure that one of the most sold "bedroom costumes" (after a nurse outfit) is a schoolgirl outfit. I am also pretty sure that most of the couples who are acting on that fantasy are no danger to society, or teenagers in particular.

Whether you are male, female, trans or whatever, certain clothing has sexual connotation (e.g. color, the height of heels or length of skirt). And the specifics differ for different cultural regions or situations.
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Don't get me wrong, I am not saying it is okay to call someone a slut because of how they dress, or that "they asked for it". But that is a whole different topic.

Is it wrong to dress up (if you identify as a woman, why call it cross-dressing) and enjoy being tied up? Well, isn't that partly the point? If it makes you feel good and doesn't hurt anyone, what is there to be ashamed about? I am curious, so please forgive my ignorance, but I don't know any trans people: did you feel any shame when you first identified as a woman? Does the shame have to do more with sexuality than gender?

For myself, I believe I have given my kinks (self-bondage, crossdressing; yes, for me I consider it a kink) a place in my life. It is one facet in a multitude that define me. Am I ashamed of it? I don't think so. Do I keep it hidden? Yes, I do. I am afraid that if it were know it would negatively affect my relationships and professional life. And those, especially the first, are more important to me than my kinks.

Also, yay pink, white, heels and ties! :lol:
Jessica_Rose
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Re: A Transwoman Who Still Crossdresses...Kind Of

Post by Jessica_Rose »

BoundInKasugai wrote: Is it wrong to dress up (if you identify as a woman, why call it cross-dressing) and enjoy being tied up? Well, isn't that partly the point? If it makes you feel good and doesn't hurt anyone, what is there to be ashamed about? I am curious, so please forgive my ignorance, but I don't know any trans people: did you feel any shame when you first identified as a woman? Does the shame have to do more with sexuality than gender?
You raise a fantastic point. Different clothes will have sexual connotations for different people. I would not consider myself crossdressing if I dressed up as a schoolgirl nor experience shame being tied up as such. You're correct. Schoolgirl and nurse outfits are socially acceptable turnons. So perhaps I perceive the attire that turns me on as shameful because there is something about it that I perceive as not being socially acceptable. Maybe because they are everyday items or because I perceive the cuteness of the items reminiscent of ageplay.

I remember I felt shame when I was originally sexually attracted to wearing women's clothing but did not feel shame when I decided to transition. The only times when I experienced shame was when I felt like I was intruding on the "sacred" spaces of women (e.g. bathrooms and girl talk) because a part of me felt like an imposter. The more comfortable I grew as a woman, the more confidence I acquired and that shame fell away. So for me, I would say it was mainly tied to sexuality. So I wonder if when I start dressing up in the clothes I find sexually arousing they will eventually find a place of normalcy for me because they will no longer be novel. Thank you for your insights. You brought a perspective I had not considered before.
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BoundInKasugai
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Re: A Transwoman Who Still Crossdresses...Kind Of

Post by BoundInKasugai »

You are very welcome, I am just happy my ignorant ramblings made some sense. I can't imagine myself, but I can intellectually understand you feeling an impostor, and I'm very happy to hear that you have grown past it!

Anyway, I hope you find someone to share your kink with, whichever way it may lead.
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Re: A Transwoman Who Still Crossdresses...Kind Of

Post by lj »

Jessica_Rose wrote: So I wonder if when I start dressing up in the clothes I find sexually arousing they will eventually find a place of normalcy for me because they will no longer be novel.
Up until the time I entered the kink scene, going to play-parties etc, cross-dressing was a turn-on, a purely sexual excitement coupled with self-bondage. Then I started going to regular parties, and quickly developed a sort of uniform, underbust corset, leather miniskirt (just above the knee, not micro) stockings and 4" ankle-strap heels and a short-sleeved almost military blouse, all in black. I have no interest in trying to look feminine, nor be female, it was just the sensations of wearing the clothes and was a turn-on.

However, after a few times it simply became what I wore at the play-parties, wearing the "uniform" had no significant effect other than being generally enjoyable.

I think the guilt/shame comes from doing something you think is "wrong", unacceptable behaviour according to whatever society norms you are used to, and something that would damage your reputation amongst those who'se opinions you value.

If you have transitioned, and are living as a woman, I think you will indeed lose the negative feelings attached to clothes that were previously a turn-on when they form part of your day-to-day wardrobe.

As a side-issue, I found much the same wearing a chastity device. Initially this was a big turn-on, something I often see reported by newcomers to chastity, many often saying how difficult it is to put the device on because of an instant erection at the thought of putting it on. Once this is a continuous state of affairs, re-locking after hygiene/washing is no more arousing than getting dressed.
be a switch, double the fun :-)
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