Here is something different.

[restricted]

Help required.

I've been asked a question. How does a girl become a domme. I've tried explaining. Perhaps people can help her.

[Shannon SteelSlave]

I would invite her to join here. Not trying to sell memberships, but have her lurk here and see how the BDSM life plays out from both ends. Let us all help her.

[lj]

My first question is how did she find "Dommes and subs" - I assume that is a site somewhere? - as this suggests she already has a kink side, even if it isn't expressed.

Next, being weak-willed isn't a "sub" requirement, nor does being weak-willed mean the person is sub material. There are many people who are happily submissive in a D/s context but far from submissive in "real life".

And BoundAnna isn't populated, in the main, by people in the "real" BDSM world - just look at the number of single men, or ones with partners who don't know about their kinks, on this site. I stress that is no criticism of those people (I was one myself for many years), just that a newbie to D/s won't get much value from what is written here about partnered D/s, as there isn't very much coming from experience.

Restricted's friend wants to get money out of kink as a Domme. "snowball" and "in hell" come to mind! Without considerable experience of the real thing, taking money for acting as a Domme is doomed to failure (and I stress "acting") The Pro-Dommes I know are all very experienced, almost always "life-style" Dommes, ie. they live their role as well as run sessions for money. They also have strong characters.

The only way forward I can see is for the friend to meet up with a sympathetic Domme in the "play" context, and watch and learn during play parties. This will mean getting into the local "scene", easiest route is via a Munch. I don't think Restricted will be of much help as a tutor (again, no personal criticsim), simply because all that can be passed on are perhaps some techniques and use of toys, but developing the role of Domme is difficult if the tutor is the "submissive" - it is the dominant mindset that is needed. For example, I have, taught some ladies how to use a flogger and cane - that is technique, but they didn't become Dommes as a result.

Whilst I wouldn't kill off the friend's idea of becoming a Domme, I would be encouraging her to take other routes to developing a stronger personality, and perhaps trying to help her understand why she is weak-willed and how she can change.

[Gregovic]

Help required.

I know a girl who really is weak willed. People walk all over her. She agrees she needs to toughen up. While I have suggested exercise, it is in her attitude she need toughening, not her physical one. The other day she sent me a link to Dommes and Subs and wanted to join the group to see what they think of the idea.

I said she would be a sub as she is so laid back she can't put herself forward. However, she has said she would like to become a Domme if that is where the money is. (She is in serious financial trouble). I have tried to talk her out of it, but she is insistent. She has a boyfriend but she doesn't want to show herself up in front of him. What does she do now, and what can I do to either talk her out of it or help? What would you do? Dump her as friend (she has no family) or volunteer as guinea pig so she can learn what it is all about?

exercise can also give mental attitude improvements too, especially if it's something like self-defence or martial arts related. Your friend should keep in mind that before any Domme became a pro/paid Domme, they were a dominant just because they enjoyed doing it for a LONG time. That is what gives them the experience to get paid for it. It's not like they one day just decided to put up an ad and become a Domme. There is more to it than just tying someone up or hitting them with a whip. And if she would be in it just for the money, nobody will want to do any sessions with her, because everyone can tell.