Your own duality ("Normal Person" vs. Kinkster)

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Shannon SteelSlave
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Your own duality ("Normal Person" vs. Kinkster)

Post by Shannon SteelSlave »

I am sure many of us here lead 2 lives. The one we share with family, co-workers, and people in our "normal" routine, in addition to our lesser known selves. Has anyone been able to use knowledge from one life to help the other, directly or indirectly?
I have used my self bondage to treat a bad habit of mine. I used to ruminate about problems at work unable to leave it there and enjoy home life. Then, I started threatening myself with bondage punishments and extra kink chores if I continued to worry. I saw an immediate improvement. I took this a step further to keep anyone else at work from getting to me. Any insult I refused to let go could result in punishment later. I would never punish for any mistakes themselves, only for internalizing them.
By hearing from the community, I hope to expand this thinking into other areas to self improve. Let me hear from you.
Last edited by Shannon SteelSlave on 17 Feb 2019, 08:02, edited 2 times in total.
Bondage is like a foreign film without subtitles. Only through sharing and practice can we hope to understand.
A Jedi uses bondage for knowledge and defense, never for attack.
I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T!....I, I mean S-M-A-R-T!
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lj
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Re: Your own duality ("Normal Person" vs. Kinkster)

Post by lj »

I don't see it as having two lives. I've always been kinky, but only in the last ten years actually been open about it to other people, at least to my wife and other kinky people. I started going to munches and play parties when I hit 60, a "now or never" move that I don't regret.

I have many friends in the kink scene, though for a variety of reasons, including health, these interactions have declined. I have worked with a couple of kink friends for several years, so conversation with them was far more open than I would normally have, though I am much amused as the guy working for me at the moment is gay, and he can't quite work out why I have quite such a wide experience of alternative sexual orientation and activity ( I haven't told him of my kink life) for example we got talking about "trans" people, he was somewhat surprised that I have a trans friend (I didn't mention the other five...)

The only problem I have is holding back in conversation, to avoid revealing a depth of knowledge of the kink world when talking to "vanilla" people. It's probably a good thing that "50 Shades of Grey" is off the spotlight as that often stimulated a vanilla conversation often opening the way to a "It's not like that" response!

I suspect this is not quite what the OP was after. I don't bring kink into my work, unless it is to acquire some new toys :shock:
be a switch, double the fun :-)
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Shannon SteelSlave
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Re: Your own duality ("Normal Person" vs. Kinkster)

Post by Shannon SteelSlave »

Thanks LJ. Actually, that is a good addition to the thread. Increased tolerance for those of different orientations sounds like a great benefit to your "normal" life that was experienced through your "secret" life.
It's good to see you again, LJ, and thanks for posting to my thread.
Last edited by Shannon SteelSlave on 17 Feb 2019, 08:08, edited 2 times in total.
Bondage is like a foreign film without subtitles. Only through sharing and practice can we hope to understand.
A Jedi uses bondage for knowledge and defense, never for attack.
I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T!....I, I mean S-M-A-R-T!
๐Ÿ‘ ๐Ÿ‘ 
KinkInSpace
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Re: Your own duality ("Normal Person" vs. Kinkster)

Post by KinkInSpace »

No one but me knows about my kink life, and I definitely have moments where I am not into kink. But that said, I do wear a chastity cage often, and the cage is worn to work.

I also do sessions outdoors which means I can be around other people while being in a session. I have done the easy stuff like big butt plugs, but also the more advanced stuff, like wearing a corset and tape tacks on the inside where my nipples are so they apply pressure to my nipples, and if that's not enough, wear that under clothes while going groceryshopping. It was very interesting, and had a hard time to focus on anything due to the pain.

When I do a session, I always have multiple voices inside me. One is my mistress and one is my slave side. But if my kinky side wants to do something dangarous, my slave side will protest if its too dangarous. I then get a conversation between my dominant and slave halves, and if the slave side has a point, the dominant part will agree, but otherwise, the dominant side can increase punishment for arguing... xD
Formally known as Slave_L.
I'm not yet very comfortable expressing my love for kink from my private life. I will therefor hide behind my username KinkInSpace and not allow any connections to who I really am. I'm sure you'll understand.
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Shannon SteelSlave
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Re: Your own duality ("Normal Person" vs. Kinkster)

Post by Shannon SteelSlave »

Another great answer. I understand that not all of us have drawn such a line, so the word crossover never seems to apply. It also demonstrates good communication with in our minds. Also, good communication can lead to enhanced safety, since in this case, we never take logic off the table.
Bondage is like a foreign film without subtitles. Only through sharing and practice can we hope to understand.
A Jedi uses bondage for knowledge and defense, never for attack.
I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T!....I, I mean S-M-A-R-T!
๐Ÿ‘ ๐Ÿ‘ 
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Shannon SteelSlave
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Re: Your own duality ("Normal Person" vs. Kinkster)

Post by Shannon SteelSlave »

:idea: An update to this idea, I hope everyone will be happy to hear. More benefits I have garnered from my kink life, specifically participation at Boundanna, is that I am becoming more "Extrovertedly Aware" of the feelings of others, and that I am remembering that I was once a decent writer.
I wonder if my skills as a former community service captain can benefit the forum? We were all about helping others, once upon a time
Bondage is like a foreign film without subtitles. Only through sharing and practice can we hope to understand.
A Jedi uses bondage for knowledge and defense, never for attack.
I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T!....I, I mean S-M-A-R-T!
๐Ÿ‘ ๐Ÿ‘ 
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Re: Your own duality ("Normal Person" vs. Kinkster)

Post by ncait »

For me, it's not so much a dual life as much as I water down my kink for a safe for work public face. When I first started playing around with bondage, I noticed a sense of peace that came over me while I was restrained. Over the years, it became more of a coping mechanism than anything sexual for me. With that in mind, things like leather cuffs and collars became a sort of comfort object for me. I am never without one of my collars on my neck.

Now that I am researching in psychology, my kink is coming in super handy for research topics. Many of my topics so far are based on my own experience, such as the euphoria many of us feel or how bdsm can be a self regulation technique among other kinky topics. My personal experience in the kink allows me to ask the right questions and know where the research should go
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Re: Your own duality ("Normal Person" vs. Kinkster)

Post by pavtron »

ncait wrote:Over the years, it became more of a coping mechanism than anything sexual for me.
That hits home for me. However Kink + Sex = :D
Shannon SteelSlave wrote:I am sure many of us here lead 2 lives. The one we share with family, co-workers, and people in our "normal" routine, in addition to our lesser known selves.
Absolutely. Tricky part is caring (or not caring) about what other people think.
Shannon SteelSlave wrote:Has anyone been able to use knowledge from one life to help the other, directly or indirectly?
I'm a lot more cynical when I see things in movies. For example gags. (there is no way that would stay in :gag: without tape ) Or seeing someone bound, my first thought is... they could get out of that so easy. :rofl:

Everyone needs an outlet for stress. Playing predicament session helps a TON. :whip:

Overall I'd love to me more open about my 2nd life.
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Re: Your own duality ("Normal Person" vs. Kinkster)

Post by Shannon SteelSlave »

Thanks for responding to my thread. Yeah, gags. Holly wood goes only for what looks good. Make no mistakes, they do look good, but I look at them and say, "Hey you, just flex your jaw, or bend your chin down and up a few times and you'll be free." Those guys in "Pulp Fiction" with their ball gags. I haven't met a ball gag I could push out with my tongue. You nearly have to cut off air flow to truly gag someone. I think there are a few other ways to do it that are not so drastic. Some people a re better at escaping gags than others. But yeah, Hollywood is a joke on this subject.
Bondage is like a foreign film without subtitles. Only through sharing and practice can we hope to understand.
A Jedi uses bondage for knowledge and defense, never for attack.
I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T!....I, I mean S-M-A-R-T!
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Re: Your own duality ("Normal Person" vs. Kinkster)

Post by bound_jenny »

pavtron wrote: However Kink + Sex =
I love your math! 8)

On my own duality - it's a tad blurred since I've been wearing my corset 23/7. That tight waist is hard to miss. That experience has made me less self-conscious about kink. I even make it a perverse little pleasure to show off my waist, with sky-high stiletto heels, and a sharp outfit to add that touch of class. Great entertainment, watching people's reactions to my appearance. Most people are confused, they don't really know what to think (or might avoid thinking because it hurts... :mrgreen: ). There is the occasional knowing glint in an eye, especially among older gentlemen and even some older ladies.

I do have to remind myself that I am inexorably drifting into that "older" crowd... :lol:

On entertainment, well, Hollywood is entertainment, pure and simple. They're not necessarily out to make super authentic recreations of actual, effective bondage (including gags). It just has to look nice. To look sexy.

Dangnabbit, it worked for me! :rofl:

Jenny.
Helplessness is a doorway to the innermost reaches of the soul.
If my corset isn't tight, it just isn't right!
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Re: Your own duality ("Normal Person" vs. Kinkster)

Post by JIMDINI »

bound_jenny wrote:On entertainment, well, Hollywood is entertainment, pure and simple. They're not necessarily out to make super authentic recreations of actual, effective bondage (including gags). It just has to look nice. To look sexy. Dangnabbit, it worked for me! Jenny.
What is 'Normal Person'? I have 'normal' friends who know I am into bondage point out things like pillories and handcuffs to me when we are out. I think a lot of 'Vanilla' people secretly enjoy the bondage scenes as well, why else would film makers put them in.

To be fair to the TV/Film industries often when they are going for realism 'properly gagged' captives do gag talk or make noises.

But I do enjoy comedy bondage like in 'Naked Gun','Amateur night' and 'Weeds' etc. :D
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Re: Your own duality ("Normal Person" vs. Kinkster)

Post by Shannon SteelSlave »

I didn't say it doesn't look good, it actually looks better than a functioning gag. Check out "The hot chick" (2002). That was a funny gag.
Bondage is like a foreign film without subtitles. Only through sharing and practice can we hope to understand.
A Jedi uses bondage for knowledge and defense, never for attack.
I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T!....I, I mean S-M-A-R-T!
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Re: Your own duality ("Normal Person" vs. Kinkster)

Post by pavtron »

Getting back to the topic.... I wish I could be more open with the people in my life. It would be awesome if I didn't have to keep my 2nd self hidden, especially around my wife. Sometimes she will play but more often than not she gives me the stink eye and things devolve quickly.

Once I presented her with a BDSM activities quiz and explained we could both take it let it help us shape a encounter or two. Oh man! You would have thought I brought home the plague. She was so offended by the quiz I got the silent treatment for a week! So most of the time I end up playing by myself. :/
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