www.BoundAnna.com

Greetings, Oh Oracles of BoundAnna.
(Flattery gets you a long way. )

Anyway, I'm about to (finally) embark onto a real-life adventure with someone I've met through a personal ad.
However, the 'net being what it is I have some safety concerns.

I highly doubt that I'll be stuffed into suit-case, and whisked away for a lifetime of slavery, but you know.....
Real-life does have a tendency to spring nasty surprises on you.
So the ideal thing would be to leave someone I trust with where and when I'll be meeting the guy in question, and when I should be back.
Thus if something happens, he/she can contact the authorities or something along those lines.

Unfortunately, I don't have anyone I trust.
Well, I do, but I'm certainly not going to tell them what I'm about to do.
There are some serious privacy issues as well.

So anyone have any bright ideas on how to do this as safe as possible?

Cheerfully.

Well...depending on how you and the stranger talk to each other upon meeting...
you could always tell the trusted person that it's just a casual date and nothing more.

Make the first meeting in a very public place - a cafe, restaurant, bar.

Any decent person will respect your caution. If they have a problem with this, don't meet but tell them why.

Next, tell them you have arranged a safe-call. Again, this should be respected. It doesn't mean you actually have one, but make a point of phoning a number after a period of time you have explained. Then repeat after a similar interval if you are still together. By then you should have either assessed the person as OK or not. After that, the risk is yours to take.

lj wrote:Make the first meeting in a very public place - a cafe, restaurant, bar.

Any decent person will respect your caution. If they have a problem with this, don't meet but tell them why.

Next, tell them you have arranged a safe-call. Again, this should be respected. It doesn't mean you actually have one, but make a point of phoning a number after a period of time you have explained. Then repeat after a similar interval if you are still together. By then you should have either assessed the person as OK or not. After that, the risk is yours to take.

My suggestions too. And just in case your safe-call is... ummm... coerced - have a certain phrase that you can say (and sounds innocuous) that will immediately sound alarm bells with your safety person. Remember Captain Kirk in Star Trek, when he was forced to call the ship to say that everything was all right? What did he say? "Condition Green. All's well. Kirk out." It just so happens that "Condition Green" in Star Fleet means "I'm in trouble".

Jenny.

TheJettSet27 wrote:Well...depending on how you and the stranger talk to each other upon meeting...
you could always tell the trusted person that it's just a casual date and nothing more.

Nice idea, but....
Given that I haven't dated (casual or otherwise) in god knows how long, suddenly embarking on a 'casual date' that entails safety persons is a bit of a give-away.

lj wrote:Make the first meeting in a very public place - a cafe, restaurant, bar.

Any decent person will respect your caution. If they have a problem with this, don't meet but tell them why.

Next, tell them you have arranged a safe-call. Again, this should be respected. It doesn't mean you actually have one, but make a point of phoning a number after a period of time you have explained. Then repeat after a similar interval if you are still together. By then you should have either assessed the person as OK or not. After that, the risk is yours to take.

My thoughts too. Initial meet is in a café.
Hadn't thought of simply 'inventing' a safety-call. Nice.

bound_jenny wrote: My suggestions too. And just in case your safe-call is... ummm... coerced - have a certain phrase that you can say (and sounds innocuous) that will immediately sound alarm bells with your safety person. Remember Captain Kirk in Star Trek, when he was forced to call the ship to say that everything was all right? What did he say? "Condition Green. All's well. Kirk out." It just so happens that "Condition Green" in Star Fleet means "I'm in trouble".

Jenny.

Safety tips originating in obscure Trekkie knowledge....
Who'da thunk it?
But not a bad idea, though I doubt it'll come to that.

Anyway, I've found a rather elegant solution. A timed re-mailer.
Simply put, it's a count-down on my home laptop that, if it isn't stopped or the battery runs low due to power-failure, sends pre-defined mails to pertinent parties with as much information as I can supply.
Granted, if things work out, and I simply forget to reset it, it'll be embarrassing as hell...
But you have to be alive to be embarrassed.
Aside from that, if the guy turns out to be an utter creep, I'll be carrying two things and two things only.
A pre-paid phone, and enough cash for the trip using public transport.
No license-plates to track, no sort of ID of any kind, nor any phone-numbers stored anywhere else but in my head.
Not to mention that I'm a pretty good runner, if I have to be.

That really ought to take care of the safety-issues.
Now all I have to do is remember to have fun.
Thanks again for the advice.

Cheerfully

CheerfullyInsane wrote:Nice idea, but....
Given that I haven't dated (casual or otherwise) in god knows how long, suddenly embarking on a 'casual date' that entails safety persons is a bit of a give-away.

just tell your safety-person that you've met the guy through the internet. Everyone knows that The Internet is full of jerks and crazy people, so you need not go into detail. Having a safety call is perfectly normal routine.

Edit: as an afterthought: I don't think that an email will work. If anybody sent me a mail "Help, I've been captured by a stranger. I didn't trust you beforehand but now my life depends on your actions!" I'd just think, "don't drink and mail. Write again when you're sober..."

jm2c,
Joe.

CaptainJoe wrote:Edit: as an afterthought: I don't think that an email will work. If anybody sent me a mail "Help, I've been captured by a stranger. I didn't trust you beforehand but now my life depends on your actions!" I'd just think, "don't drink and mail. Write again when you're sober..."

We should also note that said e-mail would be transmitted through:

CaptainJoe wrote:The Internet

Your voice is always better than anything else. E-mails can be falsified. Your voice saying you're OK (or a special phrase that says you're not) is much more convincing. Who can prove your fingers typed the e-mail? A timed re-mailer might seem to be an elegant solution, but I think it's a bit over-engineered and too easy to fake.

CheerfullyInsane wrote:Safety tips originating in obscure Trekkie knowledge....

You did ask for an Oracle, no?

Jenny.

Well, Denmark is after all one of the safest countries in the world (but with a high proportion of jolly perverts).

I would ask to see some ID, write down the details in an old fashioned letter with my name on it, but with the address of my brother. Mr. X should not see the address, but know that is a safety routine I have with a friend.

If nothing happened, I'll get the letter the next time I meet him, but Mr. X will know that there is a third party involved as backup.

the reaction time is slower, the value is in the knowledge, that he is not incognito.

CaptainJoe wrote: Edit: as an afterthought: I don't think that an email will work. If anybody sent me a mail "Help, I've been captured by a stranger. I didn't trust you beforehand but now my life depends on your actions!" I'd just think, "don't drink and mail. Write again when you're sober..."

jm2c,
Joe.

*LOL* Thanks for that mental image.
I quite agree that a mail saying: "Help, help, I'm being repressed!" wouldn't really serve the purpose.
But the E-mail simply states who, where and when I'll be meeting and asking them to call me, him and the place of meet in that order.

bound_jenny wrote: You did ask for an Oracle, no?

I did at that.
You know any?

However, the whole thing has become rather moot, since the guy in question has now disappeared.
Maybe he got kidnapped?
All that worrying and planning, and ending up in nothing......
Well, that was rather anti-climactic.
In every sense of the word.

Cheerfully

CheerfullyInsane wrote:However, the whole thing has become rather moot, since the guy in question has now disappeared.
Maybe he got kidnapped?

Maybe he thought you would bring me along. That's scary enough...

Jenny.

bound_jenny wrote: Maybe he thought you would bring me along. That's scary enough...

Now, now. I wouldn't dream of calling you scary.

Well.....
At least not while I was within whipping-range.

CheerfullyInsane wrote:

bound_jenny wrote: Maybe he thought you would bring me along. That's scary enough...

Now, now. I wouldn't dream of calling you scary.

Well.....
At least not while I was within whipping-range.

That's very wise! But I wouldn't blame you for being scared...

Jenny.

Old bump, but having a lot of conservative friends/family, there's not all that many others I can tell.
Anyway, after a fucking YEAR of attempting this, it finally all clicked last night.
(Different guy though, obviously)

No need for details since none of it was in any way D/s or bondage-related.
Suffice it to say that I can now honestly change my status from bi-curious to just bi.
Holy crap, that was FUN!

And we're happy to be here to share this with you!

And after a year, I can still be scary.

Jenny.