Backup person

[Notsfofun]

Good day to all of you! We all know how important it is to have a good release mechanism worked out. 100%. Bulletproof. Like a rock climbing anchor - your life depends on it. Nothing beats a friend who will check up on you and help if things go not as you planned. So, i am starting a thread to help folks find a partner in the area. Please post here your approximate location and how one can contact you if interested in partnering. It is up to you how to proceed from here but i am positive this will work to make our self bondage experiences safer. Please write with any Ideas as well.
I am in Stamford, CT and willing to meet people and discuss.
Cheers and have a safe time tied up!

[Tenderfoot88]

Hmm...I have a feeling this will be a bit of a dead end. We've got a userbase that spans most of the English speaking world, (and more - I've met some Germans, at least), with a grand total of 6740 members (or so). Something like half of them have either never contributed, or have just asked one question, had it answered, and have never been seen again. The whole geography aspect has been discussed several times before (though admittedly, you're the first that I've seen to suggest a self-bondage related reason for meeting up, rather than something couple-oriented), and, effectively, the odds of having another board member within 100 km of you are slim at best (aside from a few outliers like Seattle).

There's also the whole safety issue with having some random netizen (the Internet makes lying very easy, any half decent predator could convince you he or she was totally safe and willing to look out for you) come to your place while you are tied up and vulnerable to whatever that person wants to do. (And, really, if you set things up so they show up an hour or so after things are supposed to be over, they can just show up an hour and a half early while you're still stuck, circumvent your standard release method, and move on from there.)

So you really have to consider the balance between how likely it is that all of your mechanical safety releases will fail compared to how much some random person who may or may not be as trustworthy as they seem online. Personally, I'd say if you want to use a backup person, either use someone you actually know, or figure out a way to get an ambulance to drop in on you. (I'd say cops, since there's usually more of them, but cops have a much higher tendency toward aggressive behavior than paramedics do.) Or you could figure out a decent set of failsafes that will not fail. Integrating an ice lock into the restraints themselves, for instance, works this way - the ice is not going to just stay there (well, unless you live in an igloo, but Connecticut isn't that cold), and since it's part of the restraint itself, you can tug any snags through by struggling. Keys are fine for primary releases, but a direct ice release, properly done, will not fail on you. (Just make sure you can pull it a little off from directly in line and still have it slide off.

[bound_jenny]

A lesson in statistics,

Bound Anna forum:
- population: 6740
- Percentage of world population: about 0.0001%

Connecticut:
- population: 3.6 million (2012 estimate)
- 0.0001% of 3.6 million = 3.6 people.

Let's round that off to three, since 0.6 of a person would be a bit yucky, regardless of which end you get. I'm not even going to get into the other 0.4 lying around.

You might have a chance at about a half dozen if you include Massachusetts and Rhode Island. If someone is willing to drive from over in NYC, maybe a dozen. If you're limiting your search to the immediate area, you are limiting your choices to the three or maybe less (or the yucky prospect of the 0.6).

This has been raised before, especially for those coming here looking for a Dom or Domme to flog the tar out of them. Most people here like to stay more or less private and won't attempt face to face contact with other board members.

I seriously suggest you use your favorite web search engine and look for BDSM communities in your area and in the surrounding vicinities, so you can get involved in those communities and be able to meet some like-minded people face to face before getting into anything. In any case, there will be more than 3.6 people, and definitely no messy fractional people.

Jenny.

[Notsfofun]

Point well taken. I still think there is a potential in my idea. Yes, there is a chance of a bad guy looking to do bad things to you, but there are ways to minimize this chance to the point that the chances of things going wrong with your complicated session and "very reliable" release methods are greater. Also, note: this is a SELF bondage forum, so not exactly a hangout place for the bad guys but rather self bondage entusiasts loke me genuenly trying to make the best of their experiences and dreams of being pleasantly bound. Thank you for coming in.

[Notsfofun]

Thanks Jenny. I know chances are slim to none... but hey, "as my mom used to say - life is like a box of chocolate..."
Cheers

[lj]

Whilst I entirely agree with the statistics, in fact I was one person to point this out on my "stickie" regarding finding a Domme, it can happen. I know one member on this site, in person, having realised we lived fairly close, and he is now a regular at our local Munch, as well as popping up at play-parties and events.

I also know, but never met, another regular poster from here who used to go to a Munch I visited when on holiday, as well as a play party in the same area.

But that is the UK, we have a much higher population density than the US and Canada (and a fair few other countries) so there is much more liklihood of being within reasonable range of another BoundAnna member.

The warnings regarding safety still apply, and I feel that if you think you need a two-legged back-up, then perhaps you are doing something too risky or haven't taken the advice about primary and secondary releases?

[bound_jenny]

But that is the UK, we have a much higher population density

And a higher pervert density.

than the US and Canada

I more than make up for the shortfall....

And we have a town called Dildo. How kinky is that?

Jenny.

[Notsfofun]

I should move to Motreal
So I guess widening the support area to, say, 1hr drive could up the chances of finding an emergency backup. After all, the idea is that one would not need to come to the rescue.

[derpstick118]

The idea is interesting. I live in Norwalk, CT. I would just be worried and skeptical as well.

[Notsfofun]

That's a start. Anyone else? How about three-person triangular interaction? Safer or potentially disasterous? Any thoughts anyone? Thanks!

[gemt]

I guess when it comes to the absolute disaster fall-back, anybody is better than becoming that 0.6 of a person (or worse still, the not existing 0.4)
But probably better than your sister...
For security, you wouldn't want to tell them every time you are playing, as TF mentioned.
But then you call that number at the moment of failure and find out they are "tied up right now", or drunk, or 6000 miles away on a business trip.

Maybe we need a 5th emergency service, who then rings round the other local members to find someone to come rescue you.

On the other hand, the local BDSM social effectively provides this already.

[Notsfofun]

"For security, you wouldn't want to tell them every time you are playing, as TF mentioned.
But then you call that number at the moment of failure and find out they are "tied up right now", or drunk, or 6000 miles away on a business trip."

...or, you agree on a day you would be playing but not the exact time. If they dont hear from you by the end of the day/night - they come and free you. But you only put the key to your home in a predetermined location during actual few hours you are playing. This way, they don't know when exactly you will be vulnerable/tied up, and you know you will be saved. Makes sense?

[Tenderfoot88]

I can see this working. I'd still prefer it to be someone I knew in person (as in, beyond the face-to-face meeting you mentioned back in the original post to set things up). But then, I probably fit the clinical criteria for paranoia, so I tend to assume either malice or incompetence on everyone's behalf (ironically, the continuous stream of pleasant surprises is somewhat uplifting, and I don't get that crushing sense of betrayal when something goes wrong).

But yeah, that idea does make a fair bit of sense. The only way a corrupt "rescuer" could get around it would be to stake out the key drop point, see when you drop it off, and go from there. So, it doesn't protect you from the dedicated sociopath types...which are, fortunately, a very small minority.

[bound_jenny]

I agree with the concerns on trust - I would rather know someone for some time (at least six months) before entrusting them with my safety (and other things while I'm tied up, if you get my drift).

That's why it's much better to get out and meet other kinksters in a community setting, i.e. a BDSM club. You'll also have a much larger group of people to choose from, and thus more likely to find someone trustworthy - and whose trustworthiness can be backed up by other club members' recommendations.

Jenny.

[Notsfofun]

Okey then! Who is up for going to a south Connecticut munch any time soon? I just don't feel like going there all by myself