help me

[selfbound king]

Hi all, I love to be tied up and helpless but I got a problem my partner always says she will tie me up but when it comes round to it, she never does anything... Don't no if this is in the right place but what can I do

[lj]

My regular answer to this sort of question is "What does she get out of it ?"

I enjoy serious bondage, gags, hoods, chain etc and occasionally My Lady obliges by providing this. She has no interest in being restricted, herself, in this way, and gets no direct pleasure out of putting me in it, but does so because she knows I enjoy it, and from that gets her "reward".

Expecting it on a regular basis would put the onus on her to provide a "service", and you really can't expect your Domme to provide her submissive with a service! In any case, play is, in our D/s relationship, separate from the D/s, it is for our mutual pleasure and fun, it happens when she wishes it to happen.

If what you and your girlfriend have is a "play" relationship, and I mean absolutely no criticism ! just that the two aspects can be separate, then you need to find things you can do for her that she enjoys, and then she might occasionally feel up to indulging your kink. Again, you mustn't expect it to happen, just be grateful when it does. You don't say if your girlfriend is kinky herself, if not, then you have to be extra gentle in introducing kink into your love-life.

The vital thing here is to communicate. Ask what she likes or wants to try, take note and include it in whatever scenes/play you do, explain what you like about the bondage and see how it could fit in.

Bear in mind that once you are restrained, your girlfriend has done her part - what does she do then? She has to be aware of your safety, so she can't go out, leave you in the room alone. I know one couple who use an infra-red camera, so the partner can go elesewhere, watch TV or whatever, but still be able to see and hear the victim

[TdAdvtrs]

One trick I had was to ask women If I could tie them and if I got a no I would say "I will let you tie me first" or you can try it on me... Or make a $20 bet on your ability to escape and make a fun game out of it ? Thats how I got past girlfriends into playing bdsm with me but part of the reason I did that was also that I was shy about asking to be the tied one.

[Keyless]

My regular answer to this sort of question is "What does she get out of it ?"

I hope it's OK to resurrect an old thread. I think this is an important topic, so here are a few of my observations and suggestions. I'd be interested in what others think. I wish I'd learnt some of these lessons earlier.

Firstly, I think Ij's point about making sure there is something in it for her is the key to the whole thing but it need not necessarily be sexual. Perhaps she would like you restrained to complete a chore or being attached to the bed before giving her a massage so you can't leave before she wants you to. You can do it as self bondage to start with. With any luck she will see the advantage of having you secured and demand the key.

I am restrained overnight so that she can do or not do whatever she wants without feeling that she needs to say sorry if it doesn't suit me. Mistress K has a whip too. One night I was being a bit of a nuisance. She said “behave or you will get the whip. I will make you cry.” I don't know whether she would have done that or not, but that I knew I had a Mistress.

She did once tell me that providing her with a whip then securing myself helpless showed how much I trusted her and that meant a lot to her.

A chastity device might prove useful. I found that it really does make me more attentive and less grumpy. I haven't had much luck finding a satisfactory device but I have enough experience to know that it works and she likes it.

A remote electrostim has gone down well. I respond immediately when summoned and do whatever I'm told. She likes to see me jump when I'm shocked as well.

Whatever you do, it must be simple for her. It took me a while to discover that scenarios that require a lot of detailed instructions are seen as topping from the bottom. I can both get into and get out of all our present kit. All she has to do is check that I am secure if she wants to and hand over the key when she wants to let me out.

To make this effective I think you have to be prepared for sessions lasting weeks or months. She won't see any advantage in having a chore done only once or having you restrained one night only to find you can cause even more trouble the next night. That's for me at least.

Of course, you will spoil everything if there is any hint that you are trying to take back control. It is almost certainly not practical for you to be under lock and key all the times so you will be on your honour. It is important to get into bondage however and whenever instructed, without question, unless you have a very good and genuine reason not to. Simply not feeling like it is not a good reason to stay free, indeed it is a reason to get locked up quickly before you succumb to temptation. I try to keep everything ready for use. Batteries charged, keys in the right place etc.

I think it is a good idea to make sure the bondage is secure. There have been times when I really wanted out, but it would have spoilt things badly if I had been able to do so.

In our case, sessions usually have to stop for some reason like illness, visitors or some other bit of real life. The interesting thing is that the effect does not disappear immediately. She remains more confident and me more compliant.

Of course safety is important. I can always release myself, but not without her being alerted and being able to take charge. If she is not present, she will have her phone and a lock combination so she can release me. I have a destructive emergency release as well.

A final thought – I would hate to think that I had encouraged someone to make themselves vulnerable to a partner only to discover that she was not as trustworthy or responsible as expected, so give that a thought before you commit yourself.