Trust

[catherinex]

I'm interested in the idea of moving from self-bondage to bondage. Clearly the bondage can be more secure and complete, and release is easier. But how do you find someone you can trust enough to look after your body and let go at the end of it? How far can you trust the other members of this site? What does it take to generate trust? It can so easily go wrong and there are many examples of that. I don't think boundanna.com is a dating site for finding bondage partners.

[brent]

Gee, sounds like the kind of problem I've had from time to time.
The person you may be dating at the time may not share the same interest you do and in any case, the trust thing is huge.

Also, I find people I get involved with tend to like being tied up, but not doing the tying themselves. But hey, IMO, it's always more fun for the person being tied, since the one doing the tying is making the effort to tease/please/keep-things-interesting, so I understand.

I would also be interested in discussion on the topic of trust, since that's the biggest issue. It takes a lot of trust to give someone that kind of control -- hopefully they know how to use it, are familiar with your limits, and are smart enough not to try anything dangerous to your health (ie: if rope is involved, make sure nothing goes numb, etc.).

I live in America and it's too bad we're such a prudish, closed society, or there might be more "freedom" in the "bondage scene", hahaha.

[bound_jenny]

I don't think boundanna.com is a dating site for finding bondage partners.

You're pretty much right about that. When you go online, you don't really know what you're getting into until you meet face to face. Then the pressure is on to please the other and before you know it, you may be in a "bind" that is less than pleasurable. Being in a hurry doesn't help at all.

I would suggest contacting your local BDSM club, where you can meet everyone face to face first - especially at a Munch - and then get to judge them by your gut. Still, it's not good to be in a hurry. Trust is gained with time, and if you really want to trust someone, set limits and score them a point every time they respect them. If they seem too much in a hurry, that's a bad sign - one that signals that they're more in it for their own gains and not necessarily to share the fun with their partner. A club setting is also useful to get feedback and comments about your prospective partner from other people in the club. That could make or break the deal, and honestly, I would rather err on the side of caution than let myself be helpless at the hands of a nutbar.

Patience is well rewarded, though.

Jenny.

[rmcingle]

+1 on the "Munch" suggestion.

I live in the San Francisco area and there are several regular meetings (referred to as "munches") where people gather for the purpose of meeting like minded individuals.

A Munch is typically held in a public place, like a semi-private room of a restuarant. There usually is no playing at the munch and clothing must be kept to mostly vanilla street style. You can arrive, take a look in the room and realize that all those people look pretty much just like you do, which makes the introduction a little easier.

When you do find a partner and start to play, my recommendation is to start slow and build up. You can always be spanked again if you really wanted more, but you can't take back a spanking that was too much.

Safe Word! Make sure you have one.

Limits List: Write it down, make sure it is agreed to.

If you find a partner you are comfortable with you can decide at a later time to eliminate the limits list and/or safeword, but do NOT start off with out them.

Good Luck

Ron

[lj]

I started partnered play at play-parties run some distance from home - these are run by an experienced couple at a venue that has become one of the best-equipped play spaces in the UK. Most play takes place in a "public" setting, ie there are people around you, but they only join in if specifically asked. On the other hand, that means there is always supervision, so anyone abusing their sub would soon get warned off. Also, the organisers have a small team of Monitors who also keep an eye open for careless or dangerous play, and again, they would intervene if things got out of hand.

This sort of environment, or the Munches, are probably the safest way to get started. As others have said, it is all down to establishing a relationship before you even think about play on a private basis. It is also worth asking people on the local scene if such and such a person is safe - just because they are "experienced" doesn't mean they are necessarily safe!

I would avoid assuming anyone on an internet site is safe - it is so easy to project a personality that is totally different from your real one. On the UK site www.informedconsent.co.uk people have a network listing, unlike FetLife the network is split into "real-life" and "on-line" which makes separating the keyboard jockeys from the real people a bit easier. You can always memo people on a network and ask their opinion on the person you are interested in.

I have only met one person in real life who is a member of BoundAnna (as far as I know) although one or two have been to play-parties that I have attended, but at different times. You can get an idea of someone's personality and type from reading their posts over a long period of time, as this provides a bit of a filter, but always use common sense, not hormones, to determine when and where you meet and what you do.

Good luck. Partenered play is a lot of fun

[CaptainJoe]

I would avoid assuming anyone on an internet site is safe - it is so easy to project a personality that is totally different from your real one.

I can just emphasize this point. Although I am honest in sharing my opinions and experience, there are so many more facets to my personality than that small part that is my BDSM-life.

in another board I pretended to be female and just over twenty. Funny to see how the males react when you take 20cm off your gender and 20 years off your age

Joe.

[davisev5225]

when you take 20cm off your gender

You're not taking it off, you're moving it upwards.

[bound_jenny]

you're moving it upwards.

I thought it was inwards...

Jenny.

[davisev5225]

you're moving it upwards.

I thought it was inwards...

Jenny.

I was thinking boobies, but that works too.

[bound_jenny]

You want to take what's down there and put it up here? EEEeeewww!!!



Jenny.

[davisev5225]

You want to take what's down there and put it up here? EEEeeewww!!!



Jenny.

We're talking about general size, not content.

[bound_jenny]

We're talking about general size, not content.

You want balls as big as my boobs?

That would create a whole new clothing industry - bras for balls...

And mind when you sit down.

Jenny.

[Deimir]

South Park already came up with the solution.

http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/34 ... s.png/sr=1