i took my decision

[focussb]

I will tell my girlfriend tonight, i will go strait to the point and what will happen will happen. I can't stand it longer.

[Kronopticon]

GOOD LUCK FOCUS! *sprinkles magic jenny dust on his girlfriend* i sure hope this works

[bound_jenny]

Best of luck, focussb, and hopefully she'll find deliciously evil ways to take advantage of that.

Jenny.

[BondageGames]

I hope you at least lead into the subject nicely... It's not fun or easy for someone to hear some "taboo" type secret if it just explodes on them without any type of warning whatsoever.

[sophiestacey]

I hope you at least lead into the subject nicely... It's not fun or easy for someone to hear some "taboo" type secret if it just explodes on them without any type of warning whatsoever.

Agreed. As I've suggested to others, make it as a passing suggestion, almost like a fun game. You could make a passing comment when your both in the bedroom like ohh that dress looks nice, I've always wondered what it's like to dress like a girl. Then just look at her and give a kinda cheeky smile, she should catch your drift.. see if she responds. If she doesn't it doesn't nessasarily mean she's not into it, could be that she just didn't catch on and prefers things in more black and white so you can "step up a notch"

Another good option is to ask HER if she has any fantasies, no matter how strange they might seem. Show that your open minded and would like to forfill her fantasies. It's a good ground for her to then be more accepting of your own "secrets"

Good luck!

[nitro]

Hi, Can't add too much to what has been said. Good luck and hope all goes well.

[focussb]

i finally did it. It didn't turn out as well as i tought i think my relationship is on the edge. she took it very hard and she is very unhappy and i think i can't even get one or the other i think i will probably lose her. wich makes me really sad

[cdinbonds]

So sorry focussb. Maybe after she has time to think about it a little she will at least be willing to discuss her feelings (and yours). Good Luck.

[focussb]

that's what we concluded today and she talked about it with some of our girl friends so tonight i will talk about it with one of them and she wants me to find the real reasons why i do this and i agree with it.so i keep the updates coming

[cdinbonds]

Being able to find a "real" reason for what we do may be hard. Most of us can't explain the "why", except to know that it is a deep part of who we are. We can try to suppress it, but it will always resurface. Somewhere deep inside, it is hardwired into us.

Good luck, and keep the lines of communication open between you.

[bound_jenny]

Crossdressing, or for that matter, kink in general is hard to explain rationally.

Take my case, for instance. I can tell you how long I've been kinky, what the milestones and turning points in my kink have been and when they occurred, but I cannot for the life of me explain why I'm kinky. It's just there, deep down, a basic part of who I am. I have stopped asking myself why - simply because I have stopped doubting myself and trying to blame myself for it, and just plain accepted it as a part of me. I didn't make it happen, I didn't cause myself to be kinky. At one point in my life, I just accepted it and started exploring it. And surprised myself at exactly how horrendously kinky I am. And was surprised at how many other people concocted exactly the same kinky ideas.

Don't sweat it. All your girlfriend has to understand is that you're not a deviant, just a harmless pervert.

Jenny.

[marylandsissy]

Very well said Jenny.

I have no clue as to why I am kinky either. I just know that I am and that I enjoy it.

My wife has no idea why she is kinky, but can tell you the stuff she loves, likes and does not like.

[BondageGames]

Focus, i wish you and your relationship the best! When I told my couple friends about my crossdressing activities, I as terrified of how they would react. I don't think anything in my life has made me more anxious. 2/3 were very interested, and we talked about it for hours on end explaining how I got my clothes, what exactly I had and when I did it, etc.

But one person was kind of put off by it. Like a lot. We still talk, and are friends for sure, but nothing whatsoever like we used to be. She was the first person I told, and for all I know I went about it the wrong way with her. That could be the reason why it effected us so much.

Bottom line (after getting a little off track) is that I know what your going through to a lesser extent. It's almost a taboo, what you told your girlfriend, and she has every right to respond the way she did coming from a sociological perspective. I know you feel like you're being wronged here, but think about what you threw at her too. This isn't a "normal" thing that "normal" people do. You're far outside the norms of our society and she's having trouble accepting it. What would be best is to either work it out, and say that you'll never bring it up to her again (and follow-through with that), or give her some space, and nudge at it just enough to either convince her of how un-wrong it is, or let her make a definitive decision on the matter on her own terms.

Just don't be too forceful. That's the worst thing you can do right now, and it'll only show her that seeing it as a taboo is the right way to view it.

[lj]

"Coming out" can indeed be difficult, and with unexpected results.

I'm not going to go into details, suffice to say my wife found out about my kink life unexpectedly. Cross-dressing and SB have been a part of it for many years, more recently active participation in the UK BDSM scene including having a regular play partner.

My wife cannot cope with me cross-dressing. She has no problems with other men cross-dressing, just wants "her man" to always look like one. In my case, CD started as a private sexual thrill, but once I started real-life BDSM it slowly became simply that I wore a particular outfit for play. So hangng up the leather skirt etc is no big deal for me, particularly as my wife has joined me in the BDSM scene, playing both at home and at parties.

I don't know whether this shift would apply to others, perhaps my CD interests are not that deep-seated ? or that the alternative I now have is so much more satisfying? Incidentally, the same applies to SB which has been entirely replaced by play with my wife. And yes, I know I am very, very lucky!

[focussb]

"Coming out" can indeed be difficult, and with unexpected results.

I'm not going to go into details, suffice to say my wife found out about my kink life unexpectedly. Cross-dressing and SB have been a part of it for many years, more recently active participation in the UK BDSM scene including having a regular play partner.

My wife cannot cope with me cross-dressing. She has no problems with other men cross-dressing, just wants "her man" to always look like one. In my case, CD started as a private sexual thrill, but once I started real-life BDSM it slowly became simply that I wore a particular outfit for play. So hangng up the leather skirt etc is no big deal for me, particularly as my wife has joined me in the BDSM scene, playing both at home and at parties.

I don't know whether this shift would apply to others, perhaps my CD interests are not that deep-seated ? or that the alternative I now have is so much more satisfying? Incidentally, the same applies to SB which has been entirely replaced by play with my wife. And yes, I know I am very, very lucky!

we talked about it and that's exactly what came out of the discussion. we are still a couple (which makes me very happy) and i agreed that i will stop crossdressing, i will definitly keep coming to this forum to talk with you guys.