Bondage morality

[Cindy123]

I never had a problem with my sexuality and desires at all. I like to try everything at least once, The only thing I feel uneasy a bought is having sexual relations with an another woman with or without bondage in the mix. Its fun and a woman knows how to satisfy a another woman, but I always thought it was wrong to do.
My best girl friend is now interested in bondage and wants to do a session with me, I am really reluctant to get her involved with me and bondage, she has a wonderful husband and two great kids and is not a gay person. I remember when I first started doing bondage, and now I am obsessed with it, I really don’t want anything from her other than be my friend.
As for self-bondage I love it and never felt odd or out of place doing it.
Sin

[huve]

I have never though it was wrong, this is what makes me sexually excited, does that make it more wrong (and I hate the terms) than a 'blow-job' 'eating-out', it is just anoter form of fore-play, which can lead into intercourse. I don't feel wrong when carrying out, unless that is the role and I am to feel ashamed!!

I think that the majority of people who bind, both in pairs, groups or by them selfves do not feel guilty about it, in fact there are some who are proud of it, I know several people who wear bondage at work, chains, rope and chastity devices.

[Venom]

used to think i was perverted and sick, took me a few horrible years of judging myself to try and get to grips with it



now i have realised that being perverted and sick is AWEEESOMEEE, so awesome i added extra E's

[satoriquest]

I remember starting something that I would call 'pre self bondage' as a kid. I think I was very young, certainly under the age of 10, maybe even closer to 6, when I started playing scenarios, with myself or my toys, without of course any sexual understanding up until a certain age.

Because of an European education, I later was feeling that my interest was somewhat 'deviant', for sake of using any word here, by the standards of the society I lived in, and my family and the people I was immersed with in every day life, and not to be shared with others.

I never felt any wrongness about it, though. But I certainly kept it to myself.

I still would not want to get surprised by someone walking in my place today when I self-bond. Embarrasment would most likely prevail. Yet the older I become the less I care.

As Akira Kurosawa wrote: 'The characters in my films try to live honestly and make the most of the lives they have been given. I believe you muts live honestly and develop your abilities to the full. People who do this are the real heros'.

So let's all be heroes by developing our self bondage skills!
Now THAT is a cool prospect'

[TopBond]

I've had sexual feelings surrounding bondage since I was old enough to be interested in girls... and that started VERY early for me...

The problem is that I always equated bondage to rape, so I was always very conflicted about it, even to the point of being afraid of actually having sex for fear that I was carrying around a little demon inside me and I was afraid that it would be my worst fear.


I've since grown into the knowledge in my short life that bondage, rape fantasy and rape are two separate things.

The first two are consentual acts and are a way for two consenting adults to explore their darker interests in a safe way. The latter one is beyond any level of description that mere words can provide and is in no-way acceptable.

I was a bit slow on the uptake... plus this whole Catholic upbringing of guilt and what-not, well you can imagine I'm sure

[satoriquest]

(/...) and as a carry-forward about what you express. Congratulations, you express so much so well and so eloquentely. Thanks!

I remember, as a kid (6-14), finding it funny to re-play, on my own things, scenarios I did see, as an example, in movies (one sharp memory is a western/cowboys/indians movie, don't ask me the title / who/ what/ when, can't remember). I was replaying the scene of this cowboy being tied up and I was playing being a prisoner in my room, at night, and sometimes during the day, while playing my regular kid's games.

It was at the time just a kid's way to identify with a role model (the strong cowboy, the hero of the movie), I can understand that. Yet today (some 40 odd years later) I can connect the dots. Somewhat.

The dots are, in my sense, that this early age translation, into playtime, of an exposure to seeing someone restricted in their 'way of being', triggered a wish for me to live the same experience as the 'hero' I had seen the adventures of. That does not make much sense until you elaborate the meaning of this in an adult way. Here it is.

I once read, in a cartoon by one of my favorite Artists, Enki Bilal, the following statement: "there is no escape from this reality and this (sci-fi) world except death". If you can find the "Exterminateur 17" book or something on the web about it, please feel free to go and explore more.

As a kid I was terrorized by death. It started at 4 years old and lasted late into my 30's. Then I resolved the issue. We can talk about this more. This is not the current topic. Yet our common ground is not just about an 'on and off' button, is it? We are different people, and because we are here on this Forum, we are seeking for something beyond ourselves. Otherwise why would we be practicing self-bondage? Just because it is more fun than watching Monday Night Football? I don't think so. OK, it is. lol.

Back to my point. Sorry because of my French ascent I know I have Arabic blood in me (and Jewish too, and I have been Christened as a Catholic - Mr. Pizza -), so I am prone to conversational digression and intellectual digression too. See what I mean? lol. OK, so I made 1+1=2 at a point. What could be my escape from this TIMED reality, and that mortal body, I was stuck in? Well it was, in a kid's mind, that I found a way to escape my mortality issues via immersing myself in the scenarios I was able to re-play in my kid's world, and psyche and own persona, even undevelopped. And these were, sometimes, not all of them, associated with restraint and everything else we all know about. This is part of my analysis in retrospect, and at 46 years of age. Slow brain... lol.

Then, over the years, as I became and adult (well not really, thanks God), and having kept the practice, the 'game' most importantly, and having discovered a supplemental dimension to it (which is sexual but also totally non-sexual at the same time), I found myself enjoying bondage and self-bondage more and more.

The dots are now connected. What began as the intellectual response of a child, a human being in development with an immature and uneducated brain, and no sexuality (although this can be commented about) continued in a young adult's life as the expression of the sole possible response to the question "what is the escape? MY escape" (see above and please read the Bilal cartoon to grasp what I mean). I can scan it for you and forward it if you want (big job but I will do it for anyone interested). And it evolved into the practice of what it must be for some (all?) of us. I do not need to draw another picture for you. And anyway I am a terrible drawer (see my 'stick man' diagrams). And I do not have a Ph.D. in Psychology (yet, warning, I have a Bachelor in Philosophy and a Masters in Computer Science (Major Math and Quantum Mechanics). This explains it all, maybe...



So, to conclude, why should there be any Guilt/Good/Bad/Whatever about self-bondage, IN THE END? Please refer again to my quote from Kurosawa.

FEEL GOOD! BE PROUD AND STRONG! STAY A KID FOREVER!

Ciao, friends, it's 3:23 AM, I just finished a great night of partying (I organized a public movie projection of the 7 Samurai with Martial Arts demos intermission, then an outing at the Pub with friends and guests). Listening to Norah Jones right now. Tomorrow I have an appointment with a friend for a bondage session together, + a salsa dance class 'date' with a person I have never met before, so better get some sleep. Another guilt-free Sunday afternoon is just around the clock. I may post a topic about tomorrow, if it is worthwile, I don't know yet what is going to happen. Cheers.

[Anastasia]

The dots are now connected. What began as the intellectual response of a child, a human being in development with an immature and uneducated brain, and no sexuality (although this can be commented about) continued in a young adult's life as the expression of the sole possible response to the question "what is the escape? MY escape"...

Darling, this is such a lovely analysis. I think that my story is similar in many ways, about how the evolution goes from a non-sexual context to one that may connect with one. Perhaps also that may be why a lot of us really get into yummy self-bondage just before puberty, given that the mind instinctively knows that significant changes are ahead, and possibly SB may a means of retaining this part of soon-to-be lost childhood. At least, that's what I can glean.

Also...

Back to my point. Sorry because of my French ascent I know I have Arabic blood in me (and Jewish too, and I have been Christened as a Catholic - Mr. Pizza -), so I am prone to conversational digression and intellectual digression too.

Darling, I am fully aware of how conversation digresses. For me, it's usually a bout of ADHD at work, keeping me from staying on focus. I think also that we simply make connections with differing topics and segue between them.

[Succubus]

Was wrong with being a perverted ?. If you have control on you own sexuality demands and needs, there is nothing wrong. Come to think of it, never heard anybody talked about it being illegal. However Selfbondage, bondage, BDSM etc. is still outside the mainstream, at least for now. Its slowly gaining, but still.

[Logrus]

I've had "dark fantasies" since childhood, but until about 4 years ago I had a little problem with a moral side of it. I even thought about a therapy. But now that I've accepted those yearnings, BDSM gives me a lot of satisfaction.

And honestly, I'm glad it is still outside the mainstream. Somehow, I never cared to be ordinary. But I would be glad to see the day when it's at least accepted by all the rest.

[jake]

Light bondage is on its way in, but BDSM? I think not

I know many people who enjoy a blindfold or a pair of handcuffs during sex, but not dressing as a woman and being spanked with a bat

[satoriquest]

Darlings,

(to 'sleal' Anastasia's Line, sorry Anastasia, You Rock)

Listen to Norah Jones's "Dont Know Why" song.

Tell's it all, doesnt It?

[jake]

[url=http://theresa_oreilly.tripod.com/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderfiles/norahjonesdontknowwhy.mp3]Don't Know Why.mp3[/url]

[latexandheels]

THe question posed in this thread for me is that somehow, I seem to have some form of bad luck happen when I practice self-bondage (not the bondage itself, life issues and such) which has always lead me to believe what I am doing is wrong. Now, I just write it off as coincidence.

[bound_jenny]

Did in the past, but no longer.

As a kid, it was just doing like on TV. Innocent, cheap fun.

Later, I noticed there was more to it. It became the "naughty' kind of thing but more because of the opinions of others.

Now, I know what it means to me, and what it does for me, and it's not an issue anymore. Though I really don't care what anyone thinks of it anymore, I keep it private because it is a very deep and intimate personal experience, among other things. And because of the occasional REAL sicko who wouldn't hesitate a second to take advantage of a helpless damsel with little regard for her well-being.

Jenny

[moptop]

I voted: "Never have and don't now."
Bondage is something that I have craved ever since I was a really little kid. I never knew why but I always knew that it was something that I needed and was very good for me. The only thing that came close to me feeling that it might be wrong was simply that other people didn't understand and I couldn't necessarily explain it to them in a way that they WOULD understand. So I stopped trying and kept it secret.