Secrets that women won't tell us guys...

[onestrangeguy]

One of our moderators, I won't name names (to protect the Canadians). likes to taunt us with all the secrets that women have, but won't tell us men. She loves to taunt us with responses like...
"One of the many exquisitely evil ways we possess to torment you poor, boobless sods...
And one more thing: Nyah-nyah!!!!"

I thought perhaps I would be a little more open and share at least one secret us men have...

Well, I was reading this woman's magazine the other day...
It was a slow day at work, and that's all that was there to read...
The article was "Twelve things guys wish you knew in bed".

I certainly won't list all twelve, but the one that caught my eye was...
#3. Actually, the caption didn't make much sense without the rest of the article, but the explanation was: "The only thing porn girls have over you is to a willingness to have their fun bits examined in good light..."
Actually, this wasn't the main point that caught my eye, but it was the first one. In reality, I came back to this one later on, because it made more sense later on.

The one that really grabbed my attention was #8. "Let him watch you masturbate". Now I don't think most guys would have a problem with this, and most would probably adamantly agree that this would be a real turn on. The answer that they printed however went a little deeper. I won't even quote the full response. Their first point was "Will markedly improve his oral sex skills". It goes on to tell about a guy who had a girlfriend who "Told me exactly how she wanted me to go down on her". He went on to say that it wasn't until she showed him what to do that he really understood what she liked and wanted.

I began to think about this a little, and quickly realized how true this really is. It seems obvious when you think about it, but us guys just don't have the same parts down there! We've heard the names of them, and we've probably seen some pictures, but a verbal description isn't always the best way to learn to do something. Since we don't have the parts to play with, we really don't know what feelings or responses they produce. Showing us first hand, up close and personal like would be much more effective.

While almost any guy would love to learn these secrets and 'Be better in bed', the real benefit is to be had by the woman. Of course, the price she pays is having to show us first.

Perhaps us guys could take a pointer from this as well. If it works for women, perhaps it would work for us guys as well!

[RADER]

onestrangeguy:
You make a valid point. Yes, I do believe that women should come with a "How To" video, or at lease an instruction book on how to use or
assemble it. I have mention before, men are the puppets of women,
we generally do what they want, just to get a little attention.
Most men never relay know just how the female body (or mind) works.
My wife has had a lot of medical problems lately, with over 200 days
in the Hospital last year and this year on 2 occasions.
Our Doctor said I should get a medical degree for everything I have
picked up over the past 2 years, But like I have said; Indoor pluming
is more costly to maintain than outdoor plumbing. Our Dr. has a LOL
over that one.
Yes, I do believe men in general would do anything to make a woman
relay happy, especially in bed, just for that 1 or 2 Min's of happiness.

Rader

[bound_jenny]

Resistance is futile...

Yes, I do believe that women should come with a "How To" video, or at lease an instruction book on how to use or assemble it.

Any instructions would become obsolete within minutes. We just change our minds about things.

Oh, and no assembly required. We have it all together already.

men are the puppets of women

You bet your sweet bippy. Flutter the eyelids, a tiny pout on the lips, swing the hips just a smidge, and you're all putty in our hands...

And don't forget the old doe-eyes routine.

All done wearing a nicely tailored (to fit a tightly corseted figure) pencil-skirt outfit, with five inch stiletto heels and black nylon stockings with the seam up the back.



You will never figure us out.

Jenny.

(dang, this is fun... )

[Kronopticon]

how very wrong you all are. i've cracked the fem-code, i've figured you out. but i aint tellin. besides, its hard to explain.... but in any case, girls have to do a lot better than a flutter of lashes and a pout of the lips to get my knees to even twitch.
gotta do a lot better to get me.

[onestrangeguy]

but in any case, girls have to do a lot better than a flutter of lashes and a pout of the lips to get my knees to even twitch.
gotta do a lot better to get me.

Maybe that's your problem

[1azzu1]

Any instructions would become obsolete within minutes. We just change our minds about things.

Oh, and no assembly required. We have it all together already.


You will never figure us out.

Jenny.

(dang, this is fun... )

SO true...

[RADER]

but in any case, girls have to do a lot better than a flutter of lashes and a pout of the lips to get my knees to even twitch.
gotta do a lot better to get me.

Maybe that's your problem

I think this person(Kronopticon) is a want-a-be, or a wish-It-Were
And Jenny, well I don't have to tell you, you have men pegged pretty
good; but women can't stop the poor men from wishing.
All we need is a little direction on how or where we are going. Rader

[Kronopticon]

but in any case, girls have to do a lot better than a flutter of lashes and a pout of the lips to get my knees to even twitch.
gotta do a lot better to get me.

Maybe that's your problem

hey, i never said i had a problem and for the record. im just good at reading people and girding my loins.

EDIT: and yes, i am indeed, my own worst enemy. i will now hide for a while

[ponylady]

ah, the real problem is:

give a girl what she wants "orally", and she will be in bliss, but it won't matter 3 minutes later in case you badmouth
the dragon *mother-in-law*

that is the short story, but it can be done, and it requires a lot of patience. don't forget they build CERN to discover
the last secrets of the universe. they won't find it, because the universe is a female. and females change their mind quickly.
*hey, don't dare to quote that one, as i'm copyrighting it right now*

[onestrangeguy]

That sounds sort of like, who was it? skinner? who put a cat in a box and decided it was both dead and alive until he opened the box to find out.

[cdinbonds]

Schrödinger's cat

[onestrangeguy]

Schrödinger's cat

Thanks.
I knew skinner had a box too.

[bound_jenny]

Schrödinger's cat

Correct! A bit of quantum mechanics - which can mess up your brain even faster than trying to understand women.

It's a thought experiment cooked up by Erwin Schrödinger way back in 1935 (even before onestrangeguy's time...), in which is presented a cat that might be alive or dead, depending on an earlier random event, such as the decay of a radioactive atom, which triggers a release of poison that kills the cat. Basically it means that until you actually observe the cat, it is in all possible states at once (geek-speak "quantum entanglement"), i.e both alive and dead. Or as Einstein once put it, an unstable keg of gunpowder contains both exploded and unexploded components until you know it has either exploded or not (sounds like a Mythbusters experiment to me). It serves to show that quantum mechanics is bizarre.

Skinner's box, or "operant conditioning chamber", is for studying behavior patterns in animals.

Disclaimer: no cats have been harmed in the course of this thought experiment.

@ponylady: you're right about the universe being female - all those male astronomers just can't stop looking at her.

Edit: the reason why the CERN's LHC didn't work right at first - there was a cat in it.

Jenny.

[onestrangeguy]

It's a thought experiment cooked up by Erwin Schrödinger way back in 1935 (even before onestrangeguy's time...)

Not much before my time...

It serves to show that quantum mechanics is bizarre.
Jenny.

Shouldn't that have been 'is as bizare as some women...'?

[RADER]

Jenny wrote about quantum mechanics;
That brings up the theory of Relativity.
Let say you are driving along at 60 MPH, and a car passes you at 65 MPH,
Now they appear to be going at 5 MPH. Now stand by the road, that same
car passing you by appears to be going 65 MPH.
So, are women just going at 5 MPH compared to men, or are they
going 65 MPH. As a man, I can not run that fast anymore, I might have
years ago, But not anymore; It is hard on the knees. Rader