www.BoundAnna.com

A couple of days ago I came home from work early and to my horror found my 14yo daughter in the basement with two friends. She was blindfolded and her arms and feet were bound to a shelving unit. Her two friends were making good use of her constraints. Shocked I tip toed back up the stairs, opened, then slammed the back door shut and turned the radio on rather loud. A couple of minutes later three rather sheepish looking girls came up from the basement. My problem is I don't know how to handle this. Do I say nothing or do I tell her what I saw and try to explain about " Safe Practice" The problem for me is I don't know what is safe practice. Can some one out there offer advice

I would say something to her.i would want to know where she got the idea to d it .not in a scolding way but a curious way.
ask her if she enjoyed it.then yall could talk about her having to not keep secrets from you.

thank you I hope I can carry this off without to much embarrassment

I need to start by putting on my Moderator's hat. This forum does not allow the discussion of sexual activity between persons under the age of 21, because of the possible legal issues concerning under-age sex. However in my view the OP is not looking to discuss the actual activity, which anyway is only questionably sexual.

I would suggest the OP did the right thing in not confronting her daughter and friends, but I think the matter does need pursuing.
Diving in and expressing shock, disapproval and outrage would simply make the activity more attractive, but reinforce a feeling of guilt, perhaps shame, and a view that she is abnormal. Those of us who are kinky know what this is like.

I would want to know if this was a one-off activity, or one of a series, and who thought of doing it, not to pass blame, but to see if it was the daughter who instigated it. I would also want to know that everyone consented. If it is clear it was an enjoyable experience that will be repeated, then the OP needs to explain things further.

I can only speak for the UK legal position, and I am not an authority, but sexual intercourse between people under the age of 16 is illegal - obviously not applicable in this case, but a guide to how the law would view an activity with sexual connotations. Any activity that causes temporary or permanent damage is also illegal at any age, despite kink being widespread. Restraint could be viewed as depriving the victim of liberty, and the daughter's age could make it difficult for her to give consent. Of course all this is wildly "over the top" but could be involved.

What is much more likely is the damage to the daughter's reputation if this hit the social media. Society in general is unforgiving with respect to any activity, particularly anything remotely sexual, that deviates from "normal" and unfortunately kink is outside the definition of normal.

Hopefully this information will make it clear that kink activity at her age could have serious consequences. However, she needs to be advised on safety.

From the description, it is clear that the activity was not seriously sexual - the OP is unclear on what was going on and details are NOT required here - so some advice on bondage safety would be appropriate. There is plenty of such advice, including on this site, but a summary is :

bondage can cause injury such as nerve damage and circulation loss, so the means of instant release is required (for rope, use A&E/ER shears, readily and cheaply available, don't even think about chains)

a safe word to halt the scene must be agreed, and acted upon without hesitation

do not put any restraint round the neck, or put anything in the mouth that might restrict breathing or result in drowning in vomit!

consent to the activity is essential, otherwise it is potentially assault

(more experienced players may disagree with some of this, please don't do so here, this is for beginners !)

If this was my daughter, I would explain that I did not disapprove of what she was doing, but that she is very young to be doing what is usually an adult activity, with sexual overtones. I would also say that she was very welcome to discuss it or ask questions. Obviously as I am into BDSM, I could also put her in touch with trusted female kinksters of nearer her own age own age, though whether I would reveal my own kink status is a difficult issue and would depend a lot on her current involvement. Taking off my Moderator's hat I would point her to the safety section on this site (but not join the site !)

If Godess wishes to ask any further questions, she is very welcome to do so.

Good luck!

I agree with what was said before. I'd talk to her, but be sure not to be judgemental. Making her ashamed of such activities now is not going to help later. Maybe just keep it basic. Let her know what you saw, tell her you just want her to be safe and to come to you if she ever has questions. If you haven't done so yet, it might be time for "the talk". If you did then maybe extend it a little bit to include the basics of fetishes/kink if she is open to it.

Well,
each one's experience is certainly different, and it should be so...

I, decade(s) ago, had managed to "survive" my teenage daughters (both at the same time...) thru listening and less talking...
And we had our ups and downs...

Please talk but try mostly to be there for her!
They are so tough and so fragile at the same time...

Be Well,
f4

A lot has already been well covered by lj.

One further point to keep in mind:
After your talks, when you are clear what is happening
And why and you get the feeling this activity will continue
Anyways, make sure you do know if this is "cool" with you
If acted out in your home, where you can at least apply a bit
Of oversight & control.

Furthermore, depending on your country there may be a webcommunity
For juvenile Bdsm. Most don't approve of adult members, but it maybe
A place for your daughter to get some education about safety rules and
Discuss her feelings with her own agegroup.

And great job on the "2nd entrance".
That way you kept all options open. Not everyone would have reacted this way.

Laws are different around the world.

In Denmark the age of consent is 15, but it varies from 13 to 18 across Europe.
(Where in the world are you?)

Since the age of criminal responsibility is also 15 in Denmark, no 14 years old would be punished for consensual activities.
But due to forum rules, I too will presume that it was just a tie-up game.


I agree that you have done well so far, now your role as an adult will be to teach her the meaning of "safe, sane and consensual".

lj Thank you for all of your advice.

With a quiet time and a large Single Malt I sat with my daughter and explained what I had seen. Once past the embarrassment we are able to chat and get answers to most of your questions.

It would seem that this is not a one off and has in fact been going on for 6 months. The time and place of the event being determined by circumstances and location. No one has a set roll with the participants swapping and changing. They have had no safety rules as such, but your suggestion of a stop and desist word has been accepted.

I have tried to emphasise the need to keep this as an all girl activity for some time to come. So all I can do now is hope and prey. Thank you all again for your sound advise

an excellent result

That seems to be about as good an outcome as you could hope for. Compliments on the way you handled it

Good to hear that you had a good talk!

godess wrote: .... So all I can do now is hope and prey.....

"Hope and pray" would probably be a better strategy.

Taking off my Moderator's hat I would point her to the safety section on this site (but not join the site !)

I would second this advice... But, print out the info... (no website access)
(But I bet the girls have already explored the internet and got come ideas from there.)
Being an "all girls" activity, I would think would be a good idea...
I don't know how many of the people here, have ever been in that situation...
(single, male, no kids... so I never have... from either side...)
No one knows how they will react until it happens... then, and only then will they find out.
I will agree, you handled it very well...
I'm not sure I would know what to say or do if my parents found out about my "private" side... even now!

Gregovic wrote:Compliments on the way you handled it.

I'm going to have to second that. I was discovered by an adult doing something along those lines. After the yelling stopped I was informed I would be going to counseling the next day.

It just made the before mentioned activity even more appealing. Counseling was a great idea... and I wish I could have moved past my anger of being forced to go and took it seriously.

Again great job on handling that the way you did.

Try to be close and explain it.