Bondage with clothes on, ideas?

[KinkInSpace]

I've met a girl, but we're not in a relationship. We're close friends though and I have a feeling she's into bondage.

I'd like to play with her, but I don't think she'll be comfortable being naked around me, so I was wondering, what can I do in terms of tying her up to have a couple hours of good fun without losing interest?

I mean, tying her up is maybe 20 minutes, and she'll be tied up. But what can I do to her to make both of us enjoy the session, that is not untying and tie her in a different position?

I'm not sure if she's into pain or anything, but I'd like to avoid touching her pussy and boobs for now. At least for the first session, unless during the session I feel confident and ask her if I can tie rope between her legs and around her breasts.

EDIT:
Also, forgot to mention, we'll remain in my appartment, given that I won't undress her to apply bondage below her clothes. We're not going out with her being in bondage, not even if she'd be wearing a jacket over her clothes. Thats just not handy for a first time.

[Gregovic]

You don't really need to go "full bondage" in the first 20 minutes of course. If she likes being bound you can stretch things out. Go in stages. Start of by just tying her wrists or her ankles without any further restraint and let her enjoy that for a while. Have some tea or something and discuss whats going to happen next. Then add the next layer and let her struggle for a bit. So on and so forth. When doing SB we tend to go to full bondage straight away to make sure we get to the fully restrained and no way out part ASAP. When doing bondage with a partner that rush isn't needed. I suspect (though I have no first hand experience unfortunately) that it would even be more enjoyable to have time to experience the different stages and the slow decent into being restrained.

[tinatiedup]

If you only "have a feeling" but are not sure that she is into bondage, I would make sure of that first. Just ask her. If you didn't meet on the kink scene, there's a good chance that she won't be into it, and even if she was, she may only be willing to do it with romantic partners.

That's true in general as well. Don't ask strangers on the internet. Ask her!

It's easy to imagine everyone (or even every kinky person) has similar tastes as ourselves, but that's far from the truth.

I have played with a few people who I am not in relationships with. Some of them don't mind getting naked at all. Some like to be touched as little as possible. Some like very sensual sessions and want to be touched as much as possible. Some like a lot of pain. Some like pain but have very low tolerance. Some can tolerate pain but aren't turned on by it. Some love crotch ropes. Some absolutely hate them. Some like to be fingered. Some don't like to be touched on the back of their knees. Some don't like to be touched on the back of their necks. Some love it. It really is different for everyone.

That said, if she doesn't even want you to touch her breasts at all (even non-sexually), that would really limit your options (especially with rope), but there are still things you can do assuming you are relatively skilled with rope. Hogtie, futomomo, rope corsets, etc, can all be tied without touching boobs.

Good luck, have fun, and talk to her lots!

[KinkInSpace]

Let me explain a bit more here.

I've met her through a dating site. On the site I've expressed that I am quite kinky, so I'm pretty sure she has seen that. That site uses questions with standard answers. One of the questions were: Would you rather be tied or do the tying. She answered with be tied. Now the fun part is, if she was not in bondage whatsoever, she would've skipped that question altogether.

I've met her once, and we have a deep connection. It is an indescribable feeling that tells me we're made for each other. A lot of things confirm me this. The only problem is that she has lots of traumas from her childhood and possible previous lives that she has to deal with. Because of this, she is not letting me come close. Her private parts would be something that comes close which I want to prevent, but I know I can talk to her about everything, and the same is true in reverse. She is a closed person, to many people, but on that first date, she opened up to me. She even started crying due to a past trauma and allowed me to hug her, which she said was a big step for her.

My biggest fear, is that if I bring up bondage, it is going to be something that brings us closer. If I then also go too far into the game, I may push her away far enough to cause her to panic into going into the wrong state of mind where she does not want to have anything to do with me. So I want to be able to build this up. Gregovic gives very good advise here, and take things slow. Puting her hands in bondage on the front side, and then allowing her to drink, tying her legs together too, talk a bit, and at some point tie her hands behind her back and I make her drink might be really good ways to start here.

At some point I could evaluate what she thinks and if she's positive, I could gently ask her if she was okay if I added rope around her chest, and once I've done that, complain that proper bondage should also be between the legs.

Once done, I would compliment her on looking really good in bondage.

Of course, I will start everything with asking her how she feels about bondage because I am into it. And depending on her reaction, I would ask her: how she would feel about if I tied her up while being in her clothes.

So yes, I will be talking about bondage with her first, but if I am going to be the dominant, I do not want to ask her how she likes to be tied, especially not if it is the first time (which I am not sure of). I have a feeling she has been in a relationship before where she played the dom part, and never got to experience the submissive part. And these kind of feelings that I have are usually right. But I will of course ask her to make sure.

Any more suggestions? It helps if I have a fall-back plan in case things don't go as planned or she tells me something is off-limits etc...

[Gregovic]

So yes, I will be talking about bondage with her first, but if I am going to be the dominant, I do not want to ask her how she likes to be tied, especially not if it is the first time

Let me just jump in again here. As a dom it might not "feel right" to ask her how she wants to be tied. But if you are going to do a first scene especially with someone who seems to be having some psychological traumas to deal with it seems like a monumentally stupid idea NOT to talk about what she would like to begin with. This should be enjoyable for the both of you and in this case imho that would mean talking to her about what she would want, what she can accept, what she absolutely doesn't want and what might be acceptable. Set the boundaries BEFORE you start play. Talking as someone who has his own set of "mental demons" to deal with it can be very important to set the rules beforehand, because it'll allow her to not worry so much about you crossing the line. You both know where the hard boundry is, so you as the dom can avoid crossing it in the first place. You can always try to push the boundries a little ofcourse, but communication during the scene is key. Also, just because you have discussed what she likes doesn't have to mean that is what you do Avoiding exactly something a person likes can be all the more "rewarding"


TLDR: IMHO, you SHOULD ask her how she likes to be tied, ESPECIALLY if its the first time.

[tinatiedup]

I totally agree with Gregovic. Communication is the key in all BDSM relationships, no matter what kind of roles you are in.

You don't have to talk about every little detail of what you are going to do, but I would still talk about things in general. This is my standard set of questions that I ask before playing with anyone new -
* do you like pain?
* is there any part of your body that you don't want me to touch? sexually or non-sexually?
* can you be marked? (rope marks)
* are you more into sensual stuff or more aesthetic or more technical stuff?
* is there any health condition I should be aware of? diabetes? have you fainted before? have you had any nerve injury? (very common and very important to know for rope bondage)
* do you have any known trigger? (eg. if a family member of hers committed suicide by hanging, any rope around her neck may be very upsetting)

Being able to mind-read all those things would be great, but I don't think anyone can.

Talking may not be the sexiest thing, but it's absolutely essential, and it helps the bottom/sub relax as well, knowing that you really care about her. This may be especially important because of her past trauma. This is also especially important if you want to get into dom/sub dynamics (which I don't really recommend - I would start with just top/bottom first).

[KinkInSpace]

Thanks for the feedback. Its really helpful.

So I'll talk with her and ask her what she likes and dislikes. I'm pretty sure it'll leave a grey area where she'll be like: try out and we'll see what happens. I will be using safewords too and communicate with her during the session to find out how she's doing, although I'm pretty sure I can read that from her without asking.

We both have a sense that we've known each other for our entire lives, and that already was the first day we met. We seem to have many similar interests as well.

Any ideas I can have to spice things up are welcome, even if I can use them to make a suggestion while I still am in the talking phase.

I normally do the tying to myself, haven't actually tied anyone else. I do have the skills to tie, but the things I normally do after the tying is just not suitable for a first session.

[tinatiedup]

So I'll talk with her and ask her what she likes and dislikes. I'm pretty sure it'll leave a grey area where she'll be like: try out and we'll see what happens. I will be using safewords too and communicate with her during the session to find out how she's doing, although I'm pretty sure I can read that from her without asking.

Asking is not necessarily for gathering information. It's also for showing the bottom/sub that you care about her. It may help them relax especially if it's the first time. I know my bottom will tell me if anything is wrong, but I still ask mostly just to reassure her. I really enjoy asking both as a top and as a bottom (I am a switch).

Any ideas I can have to spice things up are welcome, even if I can use them to make a suggestion while I still am in the talking phase.

My personal favourite at the moment is asymmetric bondage. Human minds are used to our bodies having symmetric mobility, and changing that can really make the feeling of restriction more intense. For example, you have keep one leg straight (or free), and tie the other ankle to the thigh (on the same leg) with a double column tie.

If you know how to tie a box tie, it's a nice and restrictive tie that is also pretty comfortable. Make sure you know about nerves in upper arm and symptoms of nerve injury, though. It happens very frequently with rope on upper arm (especially if you are not very experienced in tensioning), and is very sucky.

If you know how to tie a hair tie and she has long hair, that's also a lot of fun. You can use it to force her head up (and even back), by tying the other end to a chest harness for example.

If you have a high attachment point, you can tie hands together and bring them up to the attachment point. It makes the bottom feel vulnerable and exposed. If you do not have an attachment point, "bunny ear" tie is also very easy and a lot of fun to play with (especially if she is into tickling). You do also need a chest harness to tie it to, though, and it needs to be a fairly sturdy one since the arms will be trying to pull it up.

If she is into pain, you can tie a single column tie on an ankle, and go up around the lower leg, then back down. With enough tension, every crossing will cause pain. The best thing about creating pain like this is that you have very good control of the intensity, and it can be a very dynamic scene.

There are tons more really fun stuff you can do with rope to create almost any kind of sensation you want, but most of them are not easy to describe in words. I would recommend going to a local rope workshop (or BDSM events where experienced rope tops go to) to learn more.

[TNTBound]

Im having a hard time picturing how that single column tie on the ankle works. Does the rope coil around the lower leg till the knee then coil back down and tie back to the same ankle? Im really curious about how to do it, since it sounds like it could be fun.

[tinatiedup]

Im having a hard time picturing how that single column tie on the ankle works. Does the rope coil around the lower leg till the knee then coil back down and tie back to the same ankle? Im really curious about how to do it, since it sounds like it could be fun.

SCT is just the start . The rest is just coiling with the ends of the rope.

[KinkInSpace]

Any tips for doing things while the bondage is complete to make the session longer, or possibly something that requires bondage?

[ponylady]

Any tips for doing things while the bondage is complete to make the session longer, or possibly something that requires bondage?

are you really this far down the road already, that you worry about that ?

but let me give you an idea: spent some money on here.
i am assuming you don't surprise her with bondage, but it's a predetermined session.
so, throw a "curveball"; meet where the session is planned, but take her shopping instead.

what you want to is pick some some silk/silken scarves for her to use as cuffs/collar.

this scenario has some benefits:
# you get to spent some quality time together.
# it puts her at ease. every woman likes shopping.
# it's a non- threatening scenario, opposed to ropes, cuffs & handcuffs.

[you should make sure you have practiced in advance how to tie a cuff with "eyelet" out of a scarf. option is to 'fess up and say you don't know if this works, but you wanna try.]

now you got some colorfull silken scarves she picked, because she liked the color, pattern & texture. (remember, she knows why she picked them)

return home, apply the scarve cuffs & collar and go from there, depending on her reaction.

if you are good you'll be able to tie a scarf with eyelet that it looks a fashion statement.......

i think i've provided enuff for you to connect the dots to make this work. you might also take her out for dinner or coffee wearing your creations.

have fun & good luck

[KinkInSpace]

Thanks for your suggestion Ponylady, but unfortunately, I don't see how I can work this out.

Basically, I'm not far with her about doing bondage. Its a hunch I have that I wish to explore with her, and I'm not even 100% sure she will open up to me. So I want to start things really slow to get her into it and gauge her reactions along the way. If things are going promising and we're both enjoying it, I'm fearing that after 20 minutes of me applying bondage to her, she'll be like: I'm ready for more, but I can't think of anything more. But maybe this is all just a bad idea and I should forget about it for now, and just wait until we've seen each other some more, before I bring up bondage and stuff.

[Gregovic]

Thanks for your suggestion Ponylady, but unfortunately, I don't see how I can work this out.

Basically, I'm not far with her about doing bondage. Its a hunch I have that I wish to explore with her, and I'm not even 100% sure she will open up to me. So I want to start things really slow to get her into it and gauge her reactions along the way. If things are going promising and we're both enjoying it, I'm fearing that after 20 minutes of me applying bondage to her, she'll be like: I'm ready for more, but I can't think of anything more. But maybe this is all just a bad idea and I should forget about it for now, and just wait until we've seen each other some more, before I bring up bondage and stuff.

I think you are REALLY overthinking this to be honest. Just get around to talking about the subject first. Then maybe at some point you can start discussing actually doing something. At THAT point you start of light and yeah, it might be over in 20 minutes. I'm not so sure that would be a bad thing for a first time. Then after that talk some more about what you want and what she wants and things will develop from there. There is no reason to worry about not knowing what to do after 20 minutes because from where I'm standing it looks very uncertain whether anything will happen.

Stop freaking about the details right and start at step 1. Bring up the subject and have a talk about it. If she has any sense there won't be anything more happening beyond that before a lot of talking has happened!

[KinkInSpace]

I guess you're right.

Thanks for the advice.