moving on ?

[lj]

perhaps not the right title but couldn't think of anything better

I'm wondering if others have found this. I found this site a year or two ago, having played with SB and CD for many years, and it was great to find so many others doing the same thing, and everyone so friendly and helpful. Over the last 9 months, I have joined the "real-life" BDSM scene, have a regular sub play-partner and also switch to sub occasionally for sessions. For play, I cross-dress into leather skirt, heels etc, an outfit that developed initially from some of the clothes I had for solo dressing, and subsequently added to as I started the "real-life" role.

Both the CD and SB were always part of a (solo) sexual scene with the obvious purpose and result

Now I get to chain or tie up a nice lady and do lots of unkind things to her, whilst cross-dressed, but I find the sexual side of things is very much reduced, the clothes are simply my "kink" persona and I almost don't notice what I am wearing. Don't get me wrong, it is still a very erotic atmosphere and I have a great time. Also, I no longer have any interest in SB.

I know there are some on this site who play with others, so do you find the feelings have changed, or not ?

[CristyCream]

I have a few play partners, but SB or maybe its just my own private play time has a special place in my world. For me its an opportunity to explore new ideas and maybe kink at a speed different than my experiences with others.

[bound_jenny]

I think that Cristy has put her finger on the right way to explain SB - a private play time where one can explore different ideas and emotions. It's not just a question of moving on to bigger and better things.

I've been on both sides of the fence. I was into SB long before I did any non-solo BDSM. And I continued doing SB ever since.

Bondage/SM with a partner is an interesting experience. It's highly erotic, yes, but it fulfills another need than SB does. On the submissive side, it fills a need to relinquish control, to just let one's self go, to put one's trust entirely in someone else's hands. To just let things happen. The dominant role fulfills another need, to control, to grant or deny gratification to the submissive according to one's own whims, to tickle a little perverted part of me that likes to see people squirm. And if they squirm appropriately according to my expectations, then I reward them. Or punish them anyway, just for the heck of it.

But basically, partnered BDSM is about sharing the experience with another, and to explore new frontiers that are inaccessible when alone.

Self-bondage is a different thing. It's a private, internal need, quiet time for my soul, a time for introspection, a time to relax, a time when I can be both in control and helpless at the same time. I decide my predicament, and once I'm in it, I cannot decide to end it, I must submit to my own domination. I am in my own universe, in my own play, on my own stage. My scenario, my role, are in my mind, my imagination - which exercises my imagination (which is quite fertile) rather well. It sometimes helps me think of evil things to do to other people.

And sometimes it's just an excuse to get off a few to expend some energy. A way of balancing things, sexually and emotionally, a safety valve of sorts. This is not possible when other people are around.

Some people take a long, hot bath to relax. I tie myself up, squirm and struggle for a while, let off some steam, then I take a hot bath.

Jenny.

[onestrangeguy]

I can see that LJ has really grown and evolved over the past year or so, and for that reason I'm not surprised that he is finding that things have changed in his life. I think perhaps the difference between he and I is that my life is a little more governed, or locked in by the people around me (Friends and family) and as such I have less ability to change.
I think that perhaps i am enjoying a little more stability, but LJ is definitely enjoying more excitement.

[Kronopticon]

its essentially masturbation. only you know how you want it best, only you know what you love to be done to you, having someone else to play with is fun, but they wont always be there, and SB will. simple as that. its also easier to trust yourself for SB, as my play partner a few years back decided that she didnt trust me enough to let me tie her up. she'd let me put cuffs on her, and give her a spanking or two. but she simply couldnt fully submit.

[onestrangeguy]

I read a post sort of thing from a guy who was into similar sort of things (Self bondage) quite some time ago. He described how his interests in the subject varied greatly over time. For a while he would have great interest, and then it would fade for a while until it eventually returned. He also descrimed that when he would loose interest he would throw most of his equipment away, only to accumulate similar gear later on. He described this process as 'Purging'.
I find that in many ways, over the years I have done much the same thing. There are sometimes long periods when I just can't get enough of my 'Special interests', and then sometimes I go for long periods when I just don't have the urge to play. I guess I just always considered this a natural cycle, and didn't think about it all that much. Perhaps it is influanced by unrelated outside factors, but I'm not smart enough to see any real patern there.

[lj]

thanks for the interesting comments.

It may well be the excitement of what is happening to me at the moment, so much to try, to do. I made the decision to try BDSM play with others because of what I had read (books or virtual) and was excited by possibility of the fantasies I had developed becoming reality. For the moment, perhaps, SB is less exciting, less dynamic. But the almost meditative concept of SB is not something I have thought of before.

I, too, have limits on my activities and that does provide an element of stress that I could do without, and I do wonder if living the 24/7 BDSM life would actually become far less fun than it might appear.

I have found that my SB experience has given me a wide range of things to try with my sub, I know what the position/bondage/restraint/pain feels like and can set up scenes that non-SB people may never have thought of. Predicament bondage is a particular area, well-established in SB but much less well known in dual /multiple play.

Perhaps also, this is why I'm a Switch, as a SBer, you are both Dom and sub combined.

Incidentally, I don't regard SB as in any way inferior to dual/multiple play, just different. And if I do get back into it, I've got a load more useful kit

[ponylady]

well,

as others have mentioned before, SB of "private CD'ing" is a time to relax or just pause & reflex.
nothing expected of you or any need to perform.

for me it has been a way to relief workrelated stress for about 2 decades. come home, slip into something
"uncomfortable", put a ganja cake on the plate, and relax with your favorite kraftwerk CD, while trying
out some restraints.

[lj]

well,

and relax with your favorite kraftwerk CD, .

what about "Tangerine Dream" ?

[bound_jenny]

what about "Tangerine Dream" ?

Oooooooo!!!!! I've lost count on how many of their albums I have. I also went to two of their shows...

and relax with your favorite kraftwerk CD, .

That's more like workout music...

Jenny.

[ponylady]

and relax with your favorite kraftwerk CD, .

That's more like workout music...

depends. some peeps have some stuff from inside klingklang that never was released.

[ponylady]

what about "Tangerine Dream" ?

trance dance ?

try michael garrison's "in the region of sunreturn"

or eberhard schoener * he did live shows whith lasers way back in the mid 70's when these still required
30k liters of cooling water per minute*

and while we are talking german electronic music of the 60/70's there is klaus schulze, edgar froese (TD) and a classic
"metropolis" solo-piece by him.

boy, somehow this thread got derailed.

[lj]

quite a lot of my threads get de-railed, in fact on another site my weblog gets de-railed on a regular basis, usually by my (real-life) friends!