Meeting people.

News and announcements will be posted here.
User avatar
curious_sb
Retired Moderator
Posts: 1147
Joined: 24 Mar 2006, 00:38
Location: United Kingdom

Meeting people.

Post by curious_sb »

Ok I know you dont want any more rules imposed on you, so I am not going to, this little nugget is more like friendly advice than a "rule", hence its in announcements.

I should have really thought about this sooner but being a "self" bondage site it never really crossed my mind until recently...

The fact is that although most of us (I guess?) prefer solo play, some people have expressed interest or fantasies of actually meeting up with people (from this forum or otherwise) for a bit of fun. Presumably to get tied up and played with.

Like I said before I am not imposing anything, all I will say is it is YOUR CALL ok?

I dont want to patronise anyone, ok? But you need to understand the risks and the protocols to minimise those risks, follow your HEAD and not your HEART....

Lets say you find someone, the man or woman of your dreams, they like the same things you do, and you get on (online we preume as youve never met) like a house on fire, fantastic. You decide to meet up.

Heres the protocol.....

. Try and find out their REAL NAME, if they wont give you at least that call it all off IMMEDIATELY.
. Get a telephone number - check it against the local phone book and that the name matches up with the number they gave you - if they were going to con you - they would have to be sharp to get past this one.
. Also if you are unsure, have the local law enforcement agencies run a background check on that name. (it may cost you but the last thing you want is a murderer, con-man, or rapist to tie you up - even if thats your fantasy, its not nice in real life)
. ALWAYS Talk first on the phone or in a live webchat for a while to get to know them, eg messenger or ICQ - do you detect any undertones eg violent tendencies or fantasies that sort of freak you out as not quite normal.
. ALWAYS Agree to meet in a public place, restaurant or bar for the first time.
. NEVER agree to any bondage activity on the first date.
. Get to know them over a period of time, and watch for odd mannerisms (do they look or act like they have just come out of prison or belong in a secure hospital??)
. ONLY when you are happy to proceed further and indulge with them in bondage play, then that will be YOUR call...BUT.....
. NEVER agree to take them back to yours or go back to theirs.
. ALWAYS meet on neutral ground, preferrably in a public place like a hotel, somewhere you will have privacy but where someone will hear your screams if you need to. If you take them back to yours you may get your house robbed once tied up, or if you go back to theirs you may end up under THEIR floorboards, forever....

Remember, I am not saying that everyone is a nasty peice of work, but as nice as someone seems to be in chatrooms, forums, or on the phone, there are a few evil people (take paedophiles for example) around and theres no telling what they will do (to you) once you are tied up and completely in their control.

Bondage is a very intimate thing, and where it invloves 2 person play it involves a LOT of trust. Remember that. This is a risk. As I said before in another thread, its bad enough just meeting up with someone off the internet, but to meet up with someone (off the internet or not) for bondage and sexual games, is a whole new level of risk.

Hopefully this should help you to understand and minimise those risks.

Hope you find this article interesting and not just another one of my rants. Please leave comments or add other advice that may be useful that I might have missed out.
Curious_SB
Retired Forum Moderator
User avatar
anna
Site Admin
Posts: 1842
Joined: 06 Mar 2006, 22:42
Location: European Union
Contact:

Post by anna »

Thank you Curious_sb, that is some very good and sound advice.
User avatar
LoRee
Retired Moderator
Posts: 893
Joined: 04 Apr 2006, 01:28
Location: Austin, Texas, USA
Contact:

A Cautionary Tale

Post by LoRee »

This is a piece of Fiction somebody sent me and I use it as a standard cautionary tale to all my "T-Girl" friends and acquaintances. Seems appropriate to post it here given the subject matter. But just to irk curious_sb I want to personally say "Don't Fear The Reaper". I don't.


As asked, I stopped the taxi a few houses short of my destination and climbed out with my bag and paid off the driver. The house was set off the road partially hidden by high hedges. I walked up to it and knocked quietly on the door. The door opened and I entered. Joanne was waiting for me inside in a dressing gown. She said "I thought we could get dressed together."
"I find it far more annoying when the universe makes me work for damnation. I prefer it just gave it to me and save me the effort"
User avatar
curious_sb
Retired Moderator
Posts: 1147
Joined: 24 Mar 2006, 00:38
Location: United Kingdom

Post by curious_sb »

Is it so wrong that I actually got an (very powerful) erection just from reading that story? And how it quickly dissapeared at the last 2 paragraphs!

Damn. and I was enjoying that so much. Anyone fancy a go at finishing off this adventure? What happens next!! I need to know!!!!

Nice work LoRee. Very Nice Work. Well worth the read.
Curious_SB
Retired Forum Moderator
User avatar
LoRee
Retired Moderator
Posts: 893
Joined: 04 Apr 2006, 01:28
Location: Austin, Texas, USA
Contact:

Post by LoRee »

So sorry curious_sb, as I said in the preamble I did not write this story. It was sent to me through one of the Tranny groups I belong to to share with ohters as a cautionary tale of what not to do when meeting new people. :wink:
Although I must confess that this could easily have been me a time or two, as I have been known to let people I met for the firt time tie me up. However they did little more than fuck me, when I had much higher expectations at the time. :?
"I find it far more annoying when the universe makes me work for damnation. I prefer it just gave it to me and save me the effort"
User avatar
curious_sb
Retired Moderator
Posts: 1147
Joined: 24 Mar 2006, 00:38
Location: United Kingdom

Post by curious_sb »

No need to be sorry at all LoRee, it was a very good story with a powerful message. :P

My point was that the only major disappointment was the cliffhanger at the end (and the morals of the last 2 maybe three paragraphs) that killed off my erection very quickly... :oops:

Just asking of anyone fancied a go at completing the story it would go great in Adventures, even if it is a work of fiction because I for one really enjoyed it. :D
Curious_SB
Retired Forum Moderator
User avatar
LoRee
Retired Moderator
Posts: 893
Joined: 04 Apr 2006, 01:28
Location: Austin, Texas, USA
Contact:

Post by LoRee »

Well I more than likely could put an ending or continuation to this story, HOWEVER, it would be inconsistent with the subject matter of this forum which is self bondage. It's only relevance here is as a cautionary reply to the Post subject: Meeting people.
"I find it far more annoying when the universe makes me work for damnation. I prefer it just gave it to me and save me the effort"
User avatar
curious_sb
Retired Moderator
Posts: 1147
Joined: 24 Mar 2006, 00:38
Location: United Kingdom

Post by curious_sb »

Yah true, but you could add it to Adventures??
Curious_SB
Retired Forum Moderator
User avatar
LoRee
Retired Moderator
Posts: 893
Joined: 04 Apr 2006, 01:28
Location: Austin, Texas, USA
Contact:

Post by LoRee »

Well curious_sb I write all kinds of fetish fiction, Iwill see what I can produce in the way of a self bondage story that will arouse you all like this one obviously has. :twisted:
"I find it far more annoying when the universe makes me work for damnation. I prefer it just gave it to me and save me the effort"
User avatar
Cindy123
****
Posts: 556
Joined: 11 Oct 2006, 00:43
Location: Bakersfield, CA

Post by Cindy123 »

Your so right. I met a lot of people on the internet and have had meetings with a few of the better ones, but I find most lie abought ther ages, experence, looks, body shape,and two were down right creepy.
Out of ten I met on the internet only two were ok and even they really did not know a lot abought bondage even though they indicated they were experts. Most of these guys are only looking to hook up and thats it. You need to look a long time to find that right guy or gal who knows how to give you a wonderfull experence, and for me its 80% mind game.
My advice is if you meet someone on the internet and you find he lied to you abought anything, drop them like a hot rock.
and I recomend you have a freind with you when you meet, and never let them put you in bondage on the first meeting.
Cindy ;-)
If your not playing on the edge, your taking up to much space...............................
Play safe and have fun...Now Where did I put that damn Key!!!!! ;-)
CINDY123@BAK.RR.COM
adam_astronut
*
Posts: 6
Joined: 29 Oct 2006, 20:18
Location: Bakersfield, Ca

Post by adam_astronut »

Hi (new member here).... Just wanted to add that the story poster prefaced the message by stating it was a fictional story. It may have been originally but when I was living in LA a couple years ago I had a TS friend who also happened to be deaf. Wonderful person. One morning I get a phone call from her, which awakens me, and as usual I can't understand a word she's saying. The reason I couldn't this time wasn't because of her deafness; she had met some "nice guy" off the net who had tied her down, injected her with God knows what, untied her and was getting ready to do some awful things. As he was in the bathroom or wherever I guess she gets her cell phone and calls the first person on her list (I'm first on pretty much everyone's due to my name). I didn't find out until the next day the details, which I won't go into here, and nobody deserves that. She's ok, the guy went pretty loopy on his drugs before he really hurt her physically. No comment on her psyche though. Anyways, that stuff DOES happen. Back to your lives now.
User avatar
curious_sb
Retired Moderator
Posts: 1147
Joined: 24 Mar 2006, 00:38
Location: United Kingdom

Post by curious_sb »

Thanks for the input Adam_Astronut. I hope your friend is Ok. I think the story was just a way of illustrating the dangers, shame it actually happened to someone we know.
Curious_SB
Retired Forum Moderator
tyerrup
*
Posts: 44
Joined: 17 Nov 2006, 05:15

Meeting People

Post by tyerrup »

I have lots of experience meeting women after talking to them on the internet, and only three times did I meet women that I wasn't at all attracted to.

I met a wonderful young lady once who was 3-4 years younger than me and incredibly hot! We played and dated for 2 months until she had to go back to college. She actually broke-up with me and I am still not sure exactly why unless there was someone else. I was devastated.

Anyway, after that I turned into a bit of a man-whore for a while and met at least a dozen women, of which I had sex/bondage games with 8-9 of them. Sorry to be vague but it's been between 10-15 years since I was with them.

Not to brag, but I had no trouble getting them into bed/bondage very quickly after the initial meeting and sometimes on that same day, and also of course they got me into bed/bondage depending. Most of them were switches, only one was truly Dom and one truly submissive.

And none of them did anything terrible to me and I didn't do anything terrible to them. But with the exception of three, they were all either one or two night stands or the "fun" lasted less than a week.

The most recent one was 9 years ago and we were together for 7+ years until just two months ago when we broke up. We had been living together for 4 years.

She knew that I loved bondage/self-bondage and that I spent lots of time downloading bondage pics, and sometimes corresponding with people online.

Anyway, once we moved in together, she expected all that activity(which I had been engaging in for about 18 years by that point) to just stop, including us tying each other up. Well, I did my best to stop, but eventually I started to "cheat"(her word) on her by going online and downloading new pics and pleasuring myself when she wasn't home.

I did draw the line at communicating with anyone online though. But, she still thought I was talking to people and to her I was cheating on her.

First, I KNEW I wasn't talking to others, just downloading pics and second, she was whole-heartedly into bondage to the point of dressing up in sexy lingerie and heels and letting me take hundreds of pics of her in bondage when we WEREN'T living together.

So to me it felt kind of like she had teased me by changing her mind about bondage only after we had moved in together. Or like she thought "Ok, we are in a serious relationship now and there's no room for weird stuff in a serious relationship."

So in retrospect I should have moved out soon after we moved in together but I was kind of stuck financially at the time. Plus I loved her and wanted it to work out. But, we really stopped communicating and it went downhill slowly from there.

My biggest mistake was in being dishonest to myself and to her by not breaking it off with her when it became clear that she wasn't into it anymore. But part of me thinks "If you were really in love with her you would have done anything to make her happy, including giving up bondage."

Anyone else have a similar story? You know, you meet someone who seems like your "soulmate" because they feed your kinky desires and then you find out that the person you really want is the kinky half of that person and not the whole person?

But by then it is 3-4 years into the relationship and she and your sister are friends and even co-workers at one point and your family all love her and you think "I'm in too deep to quit now!"

Anyway, so now I find myself starting over in my own place and wondering where to go from here.
User avatar
curious_sb
Retired Moderator
Posts: 1147
Joined: 24 Mar 2006, 00:38
Location: United Kingdom

Post by curious_sb »

That is a really sad story. :cry:

I really felt for you there, what a tease.
Curious_SB
Retired Forum Moderator
User avatar
LoRee
Retired Moderator
Posts: 893
Joined: 04 Apr 2006, 01:28
Location: Austin, Texas, USA
Contact:

Post by LoRee »

I have to disagree with the term "Tease" since she did at one time regularly follow through with your B&D indulgence. A tease would have said she was into and/or that she wanted to, but never would actually engage it the act.
I have had three relationships (Two of whom I married) who knew full well that I was into the BDSM life style. They all claimed interest in living either a poly or monogamous BDSM lifestyle with me, but were in fact lying. I don't know if LOVE is blind, but I can attest to the fact that it CAN BE blinding. I even once tried giving up my lifestyle for LOVE, ignoring some very sound advice I once gave a female friend about relationships. She had said that if she were to ever get serious with a guy that he would have to give up (referring to drinking and smoking left handed cigarettes etc . . .) just as much as she was. I said that if you or he actually felt that you were "having to give up" something you genuinely enjoyed, then you were probably not right for each other in the first place and would ultimately not make it together as a couple.
I am reminded of the scene from the movie "Sleepless in Seattle" in which Tom Hank's character describes what made him & his late wife's relationship so wonderful, " it was no one thing, but a million little things". B&D for example is NOT just one thing but a hundred or more little pleasurable things even without sexual interaction between play partners. If some one ask you to "give up" anything you are into, saying stuff like "if you love me you'll stop" or " which do you love more, it or me?" that is a clear warning sign the the track is out some where ahead and that it is a matter of when the train will wreck, not if it will. So the minute she got stupid and said "OK that is enough of that", the proper response was, "OK then, see ya later alligator" and get to steppen. Then again, as I am painfully aware of myself, it is oh so very difficult to see reason after Love has kicked you in the face. :( :?
"I find it far more annoying when the universe makes me work for damnation. I prefer it just gave it to me and save me the effort"
Post Reply