Help Introducing my GF to my bondage fettish.

This is the place where you can share your thoughts on selfbondage with like minded people.
Post Reply
RedstoneRelic
*
Posts: 2
Joined: 26 May 2017, 20:28

Help Introducing my GF to my bondage fettish.

Post by RedstoneRelic »

So I have this super hot GF, and I don't want to lose her over my bondage fettish. How can I introduce it to her so that she might accept it?
User avatar
bound_jenny
Moderator
Posts: 10268
Joined: 09 Dec 2007, 12:37
Location: Montreal, Canada, Great Kinky North

Re: Help Introducing my GF to my bondage fetish.

Post by bound_jenny »

As it has been mentioned in countless other threads on this very subject (a smart use of the search tool would come up with a few...), Rule #1 is GO SLOW.

As a rule, we ladies don't like sudden changes to relationships. If you just blurt out "wanna get tied up?" she might just run as fast as she can and you'll never see her again (unless you're very persistent and like getting restraining orders slapped on you).

It will also depend on where you are in your interactions on a sexual level. Going from zero to kinky sex in nine seconds is NOT advised.

Try to gauge her reaction to indirect references (subtle ones, of course). If she seems open to the concept, start with a soft scarf as a light blindfold and gently run your fingers over her skin, in random places, so she doesn't know what's coming next. If she finds that enjoyable, you can go from there with soft scarves as simple wrist restraints that she can get out of at will. And so on.

Very important: if she says or otherwise indicates she wishes to stop, STOP.

Even more important: keep in mind that you're doing this for *her* first, you second (a very distant second). It is a top priority that she feels that she is the center of attention, the she is the one getting the most benefit out of it. In no way must she even have a glimmer of suspicion that you're doing this for selfish reasons.

That's a start.

You could rummage around the Bondage sub-forum for more threads on the subject of introducing a partner to bondage.

Jenny.
Helplessness is a doorway to the innermost reaches of the soul.
If my corset isn't tight, it just isn't right!
Kink is the spice of life!
Come to the Dark Side - we have cookies!
KinkInSpace
*****
Posts: 2141
Joined: 24 Dec 2015, 16:11
Location: Netherlands

Re: Help Introducing my GF to my bondage fettish.

Post by KinkInSpace »

I think another good thing is this. If you can talk to her about anything, consider a simple talk about the subject first without any intention to proceed to do anything kinky unless things turn that way.

You would want to find a good moment to ask her the following: May I ask you a silly question? Once she says: okay, you continue: What are your thoughts about kinky stuff? Gauge her reaction, and if she is shocked and asks for an explaination, keep it very simple and suggestive: such as: "you know, bondage, and stuff".

Build it up from there. If the bondage already gives a negative response, drop it there. If she seems interested, you can just talk about it to find out how big of a chance you have with her in this regards. She may ask you why, if so, be honest and say: I'm interested in it, and was wondering if its a shared interest or not.
Formally known as Slave_L.
I'm not yet very comfortable expressing my love for kink from my private life. I will therefor hide behind my username KinkInSpace and not allow any connections to who I really am. I'm sure you'll understand.
TdAdvtrs
***
Posts: 219
Joined: 29 Sep 2012, 02:11

Re: Help Introducing my GF to my bondage fettish.

Post by TdAdvtrs »

RedstoneRelic wrote:So I have this super hot GF, and I don't want to lose her over my bondage fettish. How can I introduce it to her so that she might accept it?
What is it you want her to do ?

Asking someone to tie you is take your freedom is a lot less to ask then to ask someone else to let you tie them.

Super hot GF is going to get old after a wile if she is not into what you are at all and you get a resentment that she won't go along.

I learned that when I was younger and had a kinky girlfriend then moved on to a super hot one. Dumb move.
"Tied Adventures" that was the idea behind this screen name.
TdAdvtrs
***
Posts: 219
Joined: 29 Sep 2012, 02:11

Re: Help Introducing my GF to my bondage fettish.

Post by TdAdvtrs »

I don't know, once I got to the point where we were best friends getting naked and having sex I really had no problem with suggesting a game of tie up.

My 'super hot' GF would play along she just was not that into it was like doing me a favor or something. Long time ago.
"Tied Adventures" that was the idea behind this screen name.
TdAdvtrs
***
Posts: 219
Joined: 29 Sep 2012, 02:11

Re: Help Introducing my GF to my bondage fettish.

Post by TdAdvtrs »

Make it like a sales pitch,

Tonight you are getting tied to the bed and are going to get endless pleasure when I ...

or

What would you do to me if I let you tie me to bed and all I could do was lie there ?

Something like that, sell the idea. Sell it as fun not as fetish and kink. My fetish is getting tied myself but even if its not the fantasy its still fun to have your partner in that tied position. If your goal is your girl tying you then sell it as a fun time for her.
"Tied Adventures" that was the idea behind this screen name.
TdAdvtrs
***
Posts: 219
Joined: 29 Sep 2012, 02:11

Re: Help Introducing my GF to my .

Post by TdAdvtrs »

"Tied Adventures" that was the idea behind this screen name.
User avatar
FatherOfFour
***
Posts: 247
Joined: 15 Nov 2015, 17:58
Location: E.Eu: is it Europe?

Re: Help Introducing my GF to my bondage fettish.

Post by FatherOfFour »

Although OP haven't logged in again yet...
My wife is pure vanilla, more than ice-cream... I took her to public kink events to test her (under various circumstances) and she was amused.
I have to work my way, and risk waking the sleeping dogs, but You're the man, do what Men do...
(whatever means to You)
Have fun, be true,
f4
RedstoneRelic
*
Posts: 2
Joined: 26 May 2017, 20:28

Re: Help Introducing my GF to my bondage fettish.

Post by RedstoneRelic »

Thanks For the advice ppl!
CD Tammy
**
Posts: 141
Joined: 22 Sep 2010, 23:42

Re: Help Introducing my GF to my bondage fettish.

Post by CD Tammy »

Don’t say she did something poorly, no matter what. Even if she asks. My girlfriend and I started dating in November. We’ve done nine bondage sessions. Each time she’s went farther. Tighter restraints, longer times. Added a gag. Went from a ping pong paddle to a riding crop/
User avatar
ponylady
Moderator
Posts: 3822
Joined: 26 Dec 2007, 20:52
Location: germany
Contact:

Re: Help Introducing my GF to my bondage fettish.

Post by ponylady »

[quote="CD Tammy"]We’ve done nine bondage sessions./quote]

Don't let her know you're keeping count.
:mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
[
User avatar
vm1971
**
Posts: 103
Joined: 09 Mar 2017, 10:04

Re: Help Introducing my GF to my bondage fettish.

Post by vm1971 »

I recently read a BDSM comic called Sunstone. It's a webcomic (on DeviantArt) but is also published in graphic novel form by Image (same as Walking Dead).

The early volumes are mostly about lesbian BDSM but as it goes on, you see it's really about relationships with BDSM-flavouring. It's a very good read and is something that could be shared with your GF as a gauge on what she thinks.
Giles English
*
Posts: 39
Joined: 31 Jul 2017, 21:01

Re: Help Introducing my GF to my bondage fettish.

Post by Giles English »

RedstoneRelic wrote:So I have this super hot GF, and I don't want to lose her over my bondage fettish. How can I introduce it to her so that she might accept it?
In my experience, first work out what's in it for her - best of all if it's an extension of something she already likes.

Second, focus on the particular game. Make sure it has clear objective and an established end point.

Third, ask in a way that doesn't make a big thing about it.

Finally, if she says yes, then follow through as quickly as possible. Don't be like some subs always seeking permission, never then producing the ropes and saying "let's do it tonight."
Post Reply