Aren't you afraid of being discovered ?

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Natale
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Re: Aren't you afraid of being discovered ?

Post by Natale »

One way to hide and keep it all a secret forever would be to only use 'innocent' pervertibles. Upon finding them, people might be a little suspicious, but there is nothing highly incriminating about rope, scarves, belts, etc.

Of course having nothing but pervertibles may not be as much fun as leather blindfolds, ball gags, latex, cd clothing, and countless other items. :wink:
Natale
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JIMDINI
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Re: Aren't you afraid of being discovered ?

Post by JIMDINI »

I have found over the years that if someone finds your toys (or even you tied up :oops: ), it is best to be open and honest with them. :)
Never confuse your ambitions with your abilities. If you can't free yourself, who will?
When your helpless, you have no choice but to wait.
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Tattianne
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Re: Aren't you afraid of being discovered ?

Post by Tattianne »

I am afraid of being discovered too, and I have problems to hide my bondaging toys too. Only one time I have been discovered. I was discovered by my best friend and I was very ashamed :oops: :oops: But her reaction was to laugh a lot and tell me if I was crazy to do those things. Later he was curious and perhaps now he practices it :rofl: , although he has never confessed it to me :D
dante33
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Re: Aren't you afraid of being discovered ?

Post by dante33 »

I've always been a bit nervous about it. I pretty much exclusively use metal restraints - they cant really be mistaken for anything else. So if anyone ever 'stumbled' across my box with 25 kilos worth of shackles, collars, ballgags and chains, it would be hard to explain.

My girlfriend knows of the box, and we've used it early on in the relationship for couple play, but it hasnt been in use for years. She doesnt know (to my knowledge) that I also use it for self-bondage. I'm very, very careful about when to dabble in it - the metal collars do leave marks for a few hours.

I will occasionally do a 'quick tie' when she's out for a few hours, but mostly its when she's away for several days that the box comes out and the chains come on.

I do always have 2-3 ways out of a tie, just in case...
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FatherOfFour
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Re: Aren't you afraid of being discovered ?

Post by FatherOfFour »

Oh, The marks!
I forgot about those...
(Think seaside when Your knees are skinned, or back-bone bruised... You surely "show" what was going on in that hotel room...or the bushes...)
I use synthetic braided rope, because the marks are less obvious, and also webbing - they are wide enough. The drawback is that I have to be careful with untying, or get burns...
As a trail runner, if I'm back home from a race, I could explain even whip-marks on my ass...
(...those branches, honey, sting like whips!...)
Also nettles (if You're into) are a legit way to be kinky...

Have fun, keep low...
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JIMDINI
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Re: Aren't you afraid of being discovered ?

Post by JIMDINI »

dante33 wrote:Oh, The marks!
I forgot about those...
(Think seaside when Your knees are skinned, or back-bone bruised... You surely "show" what was going on in that hotel room...or the bushes...)
I think we get a little paranoid at times. :roll: I have had to go out, and even to work when I have been concious that rope or cuff marks are still visible. :oops: But no one has ever seemed to notice. :? My friend says that if you are not into bondage it is unlikely you would connect them to kinky goings on. :?: If they do know what they signify it might be the beginning of a good relationship. :wink:
Never confuse your ambitions with your abilities. If you can't free yourself, who will?
When your helpless, you have no choice but to wait.
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Blacky
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Re: Aren't you afraid of being discovered ?

Post by Blacky »

JIMDINI wrote:
dante33 wrote:Oh, The marks!
I forgot about those...
(Think seaside when Your knees are skinned, or back-bone bruised... You surely "show" what was going on in that hotel room...or the bushes...)
I think we get a little paranoid at times. :roll: I have had to go out, and even to work when I have been concious that rope or cuff marks are still visible. :oops: But no one has ever seemed to notice. :? My friend says that if you are not into bondage it is unlikely you would connect them to kinky goings on. :?: If they do know what they signify it might be the beginning of a good relationship. :wink:

Furthermore: Even if someone notices them for what they are that someone would have to confess their understanding.
Thus that someone would instantly need to explain how he/she knew in the first place. :mrgreen: :facepalm:
If the doors of perception were cleansed everything would appear to man as it is, infinite. (W. Blake)
TdAdvtrs
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Re: Aren't you afraid of being discovered ?

Post by TdAdvtrs »

I never bought any official gear, no one would think anything of a few mini padlocks in one drawer and a some lengths of chain in another or a bike lock or any junk like that.

I had this kink since before the internet and thought it was super weird better hide that at all costs. Now I know its common but I don't advertise.

Search = bdsm About 3,000,000,000 results (0.41 seconds)

Quite common.
"Tied Adventures" that was the idea behind this screen name.
mymy42
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Re: Aren't you afraid of being discovered ?

Post by mymy42 »

I am afraid of being discovered.

Having a vanilla spouse ( I just ... can't tell her! i'm ready for that ), I have to keep it secret.

A few days ago I had never been close that my kink is discovered. I ordered a few things (that looks really for bondage) on internet and you know with these things coming from China, you never really know when it's going to be delivered. Usually it's never a problem, because I go back home before my wife and grab the packets before she can see anything.

But that day, we were both on holiday at home when the bell ring : "You have packet sir!".
Wife: "You ordered something?"
Me : "uhhh.. yes, I will look".

But I knew I had to come back with a packet or this would be suspicious (Although now I think I could have escaped like pretending it's secret, like a present for her but she shall not now... but, anyway). Hopefully, along with 2 packets full of kinky toys, I got also another total unsuspicious packet that thankfully arrived the same day. So while going back in our flat, I quickly hide in a place and coming back with only one packet.

So this made me think a lot. I could escape "one more time", but was never so close... When she was off, I could retrieve my gear and as usually, test it. After some play concluded by an orgasm, I felt very guilty to hide all this to her. I thought first that I had to throw everything away and just let this behind as an old fantasy. But I remember I already did that and ended up started again a few months later... So I put everything in a package and stored it away, for the moment.

Every time I did self-bondage, I found it to be strange. I want to fulfill my desire, and when done, I have to carefully clean everything trace of it. I compared myself to killer that meticulously clean the crime scene. I don't have murder wishes, but the concept is the same. Clean every toy and hide it, clean every suspicious thing (water drops on the floor that she would notice). And when she comes back, I'm afraid that I may have left something even after 3 checks.

Right now and since a few day, I'm not AT ALL in a mood of self-bondage or anything related. I never felt that and don't know how it will evolve. I wish I could have some nice time in the future, but probably less frequently. This will require even more planning and secured time alone.

I'm sure I'm not the first the say that and I know I can live some time without thinking about self-bondage, but for how long?
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FatherOfFour
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Re: Aren't you afraid of being discovered ?

Post by FatherOfFour »

mymy42 wrote:...I felt very guilty to hide all this to her...
I know that feeling, I'm (almost) in the same position. What have I done to mitigate the guilt and still embrace this (dark) side of mine:
- My bondage is almost sexual yet no orgasm in session
(it's more like a prelude to making love with wifey...)
- I went with my wife at public kink events, showing interest towards the movement...
- I use on a daily basis a lot of kink elements/gear: ropes/cords, zipties/chains, padlocks and winches... and so on
- I talk about it, use metaphors and discover hidden meanings, all geared toward kink
- still, after a couple decades together, never tied her hand(s), inflict any pain (more than occasional bite...) or tried anything related to kink...
plenty of time ahead...

Have fun, hide in plain light
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Vanilla
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Re: Aren't you afraid of being discovered ?

Post by Vanilla »

What if...she found you and...it turns out...

*she smirks* Oh this is how you like it?

*she picks up a strap*

Bad bad BAD.
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Shannon SteelSlave
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Re: Aren't you afraid of being discovered ?

Post by Shannon SteelSlave »

The outcome of discovery is unpredictable. You never really can tell how anyone, even someone you think you know, will react. Having said that, if unpredictable is what you want, then let yourself be discovered, and reap the benefits or suffer the consequences. (I am not sure what I would want in that scenario, and not sure I know what I am talking about here)
Bondage is like a foreign film without subtitles. Only through sharing and practice can we hope to understand.
A Jedi uses bondage for knowledge and defense, never for attack.
I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T!....I, I mean S-M-A-R-T!
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Shannon SteelSlave
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Re: Aren't you afraid of being discovered ?

Post by Shannon SteelSlave »

Ok, I'll start by explaining that my last post was based on responding only to Vanilla, and seeing the word "Discovery", I thought it was about getting cold busted in the act to the point where lying would be futile.
I was lead here today by a reference from a recent post from a dear friend of mine. I thought I might try to help everyone find the fine line between living in fear of someone finding out about your secret life, and just living a satisfied life without intrusive security measures. As far as after one's death, credit Gregovic for mentioning the options of confiding in someone who can delete your kink items, and attaching a note to the kink box explaining your last wishes. For vanilla clothing items that belong to the opposite sex, consider this idea : Buy a suitcase that does not match any of your luggage. Attach a tag to it with a made up name, in other words, make it appear to be a lost bag that you intended to return. Fill it with the clothes you wish to claim do not belong to you. Of course, this only works if you live alone.
My biggest fear though, is that I could one day be paralyzed and unable to purge my kink items. In that case, I would probably confide in someone to dispose of them.
I used to live in constant fear, and thus, became great at hiding items, most out in the open. It's a matter of the power of suggestion. The observer will make judgments on what is found, where it is found, and how they went about getting to it. For my leather cuffs and heavy chains, they are stored as exercise equipment in my gym. My TENS unit is stored with health care items. My stocks are stored in a box with other Halloween props. I even have a fake skeleton being detained in the stocks on top of the box marked "Halloween". Ropes are in the basement with ratchet straps, nets, and other gear for fastening loads to vehicles. My small chains and padlocks are in a cookie jar with a bunch of now useless keys, like a 1982 Volkswagen Scirocco key. Clamps and other small devices are in a box of legitimate sewing and clothing repair items. Handcuffs are in a drawer with other personal defense items. You see, the key here is to avoid pooling suspect items together. That way, even if someone has suspicions, that is all they are, no proof, can't say anything for sure, to themselves, or anyone they could threaten to tell to blackmail you.
My videos and photos are on an external hard drive, and protected with a password program called "USB Secure". You need to enter a password to access the stuff I want locked. I keep a bunch of other dummy files and programs to clutter up the accessible part. I click on the USB secure icon, enter my password, and good to go, there are my STEG files. (Sick, Twisted, Eerie, Godless). Close the USB Secure program and everything is locked again.
For browsing, always use "private window", "in-private browsing", what have you, every browser service I have seen has it. You can close the window on a moment's notice, and nothing will be saved in history. I keep a regular window open with normal tabs under it, like weather and email open, so if anyone at work walks by, they don't see a panicked look on me, followed by a blank screen that I just couldn't clear fast enough.
For the rest of my items that are clearly for no other purpose, I use Gregovic's box idea, complete with note explaining that I never hurt anyone else, my life my choice, blah blah blah. I also include a decent sum of money and a contractor sized trash bag with instructions to keep the $$, and dispose of the items, preferably off site, to buy their sincerity and silence. Make the first person to find it feel like the winner of the golden ticket in the candy bar.
If none of these ideas make you feel safe, you can do what Peter Griffin does : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCgvIPnVBdo
To the point made by my dear friend who lead me here today made about job site and hiring discrimination, I say this : Let them try to prove it. They can't get a search warrant for your home to obtain the burden of proof that is on them, and if they try to spread rumors to keep you from being hired or promoted, you can call slander. After all, what defines what we are? Ultimately, they are probably as embarrassed to know what they know, as you are in suspecting that they know. And everyone has something to hide, I am truly convinced of this. So there's that, conscience.
Thanks for the information about the law. I hope everyone uses it to sharpen their edge against harmful forces, rather than taking it as bad news and a reason to fear.
Bondage is like a foreign film without subtitles. Only through sharing and practice can we hope to understand.
A Jedi uses bondage for knowledge and defense, never for attack.
I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T!....I, I mean S-M-A-R-T!
👠👠
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cerenaselfbound
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Re: Aren't you afraid of being discovered ?

Post by cerenaselfbound »

Absolutely not & have never been. I'd say it's totally different for a woman & far easier to explain that someone has tied you up, especially if you've made it look that way as I do. I don't think I'd be embarrassed but not ever been discovered so who knows.
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