Wondering about the psycology behind

This is the place where you can share your thoughts on selfbondage with like minded people.
tigerX
*
Posts: 27
Joined: 23 Mar 2017, 00:28

Re: Wondering about the psycology behind

Post by tigerX »

I have a theory on it. For me, it started in childhood. I was probably watching a 70's police drama and saw someone be handcuffed behind the back. Once my mind fully comprehended the horror of the arrestee's predicament, and saw that it wasn't directly *painful* (of course, frustrating / humiliating and discomfort) I began to form a defense against that being done to me. The defense was to learn to enjoy it. To dwell on it a LOT. To build a curiosity that wouldn't be satisfied until high school age. Sure, I had tried rope but to me rope is BS. If I tied the knot, I can untie it. Or cut with a knife. Having a pair of metal cuffs locked on, not too tight, has a certain finality to it that is exhilarating,
Maid_Lauren
**
Posts: 135
Joined: 06 Feb 2012, 16:56

Re: Wandering about the psycology behind

Post by Maid_Lauren »

Slave_L wrote:Being kinky is a matter of taste.

Like some people enjoy the taste of chocolate, and others don't, some people enjoy anything kinky while others don't.

Keep in mind that bdsm and kink are very broad things. While most people are likely in for one form of kink, only a handful of those are in favor of the same type of kink.

As with taste, one can develop an interest for taste, but it can also be that no matter what, you simply don't like it.

You should compare BDSM feelings to that of food. When you taste something that you really like, it does the same to you as when you experience something BDSM related that you really like.
We all have tried different things and some were an instant turn on and others weren't. Some didn't start out that way but doing it a lot kindled the desire to keep doing it. I was never into collars but now I wear one each Morning when I am crossdressed. I wore adult diapers every once in a while. I found three bags of them I had bought on sale years ago and decided to use them up. Since mid January I have been wearing them 24/7. I got some bulky eight hour diapers which hold a lot of urine. It is really an odd feeling to fill them up and have the lump between my legs.

Think of kinkiest as a buffet. Take a taste of everything and go back for what you like. Just don't let it affect your relationship with other people or your job.
User avatar
Shannon SteelSlave
Moderator
Posts: 6530
Joined: 03 Feb 2019, 19:49
Location: New England, USA

Re: Wondering about the psycology behind

Post by Shannon SteelSlave »

I have heard that methods of aversion in this matter are ineffective. Odds of curing it are dismal.
I used to think of my "condition" as an obstacle to "normal" life. (No, sorry, need a new scapegoat for that one :lol: ) My instincts kept me from discussing it with a doctor. Yet, I feel the treatments I did seek a doctor's advice for, are not inhibited by this secret. If we could not control our baser needs, we would be receiving help, involuntarily. Still doubt those people will be "cured", just kept away from doing the harm they are feared to be capable of.
For me, kink is a sort of glitch in me. Not all glitches are bad, or not well understood. I choose not to look too deep into its construction because I feel that breaking it into pieces and sorting it out neatly would ruin it. Its whole is worth more than the sum of its parts.
Bondage is like a foreign film without subtitles. Only through sharing and practice can we hope to understand.
A Jedi uses bondage for knowledge and defense, never for attack.
I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T!....I, I mean S-M-A-R-T!
👠👠
User avatar
pavtron
**
Posts: 147
Joined: 19 Dec 2012, 22:38

Re: Wondering about the psycology behind

Post by pavtron »

jollywankee wrote: PTSD
I've had PTSD for a number of years. When I experience stress I use self bondage as a copping mechanism. Don't know if it's PTSD is related or not.
User avatar
Gregovic
****
Posts: 1118
Joined: 26 Mar 2016, 21:31
Location: Netherlands

Re: Wondering about the psycology behind

Post by Gregovic »

There's probably a lot of different reasons someone might become interested in BDSM activities. I don't think PTSD is necessarily one of them, though it could very well be. I AM very sure it'll vary wildly from person to person. I think some of my own kinks have something to do with events in my youth, but I also know that my interest predates said events.

The whole Nature vs. Nurture debate isn't settled in the slightest even for non-kink oriented people. I think most researchers would have a meltdown once kinks come rearing their fun and unpredictable face. Enjoy what you can, if it's between consenting adults or alone, it's your business and your business alone what you enjoy.
How may I serve you? *Curtsey*
User avatar
Shannon SteelSlave
Moderator
Posts: 6530
Joined: 03 Feb 2019, 19:49
Location: New England, USA

Re: Wondering about the psycology behind

Post by Shannon SteelSlave »

My experience with PTSD is that what always worked best was a distraction, to think about something, anything else. Otherwise, it keeps playing over and over and over over again never stops ruminating. If kink gets your mind off PTSD, then do it. You need no excuse. Just from my experience with mild PTSD, which has been non-existent for years.
Bondage is like a foreign film without subtitles. Only through sharing and practice can we hope to understand.
A Jedi uses bondage for knowledge and defense, never for attack.
I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T!....I, I mean S-M-A-R-T!
👠👠
TicleMeEndless
***
Posts: 204
Joined: 20 Nov 2018, 17:53

Re: Wondering about the psycology behind

Post by TicleMeEndless »

About relaxing therapy is a true. Evening good pretty session, get enough sleep and you feel yourself very good and want to love all world! For example, at last night i looked for keys being bounded and with blinefold, and i can't hide a smile next morning.
Not all dreams must come true. Choice with a cold mind. Be careful. Not crazy as me.
User avatar
Shannon SteelSlave
Moderator
Posts: 6530
Joined: 03 Feb 2019, 19:49
Location: New England, USA

Re: Wondering about the psycology behind

Post by Shannon SteelSlave »

TicleMeEndless wrote:About relaxing therapy is a true. Evening good pretty session, get enough sleep and you feel yourself very good and want to love all world!
I have observed this also. A good session the night before can give me a positive compass the next day.
Bondage is like a foreign film without subtitles. Only through sharing and practice can we hope to understand.
A Jedi uses bondage for knowledge and defense, never for attack.
I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T!....I, I mean S-M-A-R-T!
👠👠
User avatar
ArtificialAesthetics
*
Posts: 16
Joined: 02 Apr 2019, 03:51

Re: Wondering about the psycology behind

Post by ArtificialAesthetics »

Huh. The prevailing theories on this are kinda disturbing e-e. "Odds of curing it are dismal" Yeesh! If it rly was that bad, the Japanese wouldnt have elevated it to a supreme artform. (Yes its art. And also a sacred ritual.) If a culture infamous for repressing things developed THIS into an intricate artform, not only is it NOT sexual deviancy, it might be the closest thing to the truth!

I mean no offense but western bdsm gear looks uhhh... Shit how do I say this gently.. FUGLY. Where you guys have simple ball gags we have pastel pink wiffle gags. The ones with the breathing holes in them. The outfits... I could go on and on. Mean sure I can see why people on this side of the world see it as a kink or deviancy... *mumbles* annoying as hell when I cant just run out to the local stores and get things and have to wait for packages from China....

"What?!! Why china?!!"
Well I would buy from Japan but omg have you seen those prices

But no... The way I see it, what this boils down to is you see those girls in the H manga on tsumino or whatever, and disregarding the terrifying context sometimes, all you can think is "HEY WTH HOW COME THEY GET TO ENJOY SOMETHING MYSTERIOUS AND I DONT!!! I WANT IN!!! The problem being normal society teaches you that BDSM is mostly in a rape context and rape is a form of the worst torture. And thanks to most men in most societies twisting sex, which was supposed to be a sacred ritual, to such a vile purpose as status and domination in an endless ratrace for lord knows what purpose, the dirty secret of sex has been buried and long forgotten by most of the population.

What is the dirty secret behind sex? Why it has everything to do with BDSM... Well more BD less SM actually. But anyways. The dirty secret is this: It is infinitely more fun to be on the receiving end and girls hypothetically get the most enjoyment out of it. *mike drop
copperfox
*
Posts: 12
Joined: 17 Sep 2019, 22:36

Re: Wondering about the psycology behind

Post by copperfox »

Shannon SteelSlave wrote:For me, kink is a sort of glitch in me. Not all glitches are bad, or not well understood. I choose not to look too deep into its construction because I feel that breaking it into pieces and sorting it out neatly would ruin it. Its whole is worth more than the sum of its parts.
It’s very interesting to me that you describe your kink as a “glitch”—I like that term a lot, actually. I’ve usually said something to the effect that, genetically-speaking, some wires got crossed somewhere along the way. “Glitch” seems to sum that some nicely and succinctly. :D

As an engineer, however, I can’t help help but continue to wonder about the psychology behind kink (and specifically, bondage). From a strictly objective and practical perspective, it really makes zero sense that being tied up would ever be an enjoyable experience for someone, let alone the fact that many of us have a love and passion for bondage which we identify as a fundamental part of who we are.

I used to try to describe why I like being tied up to friends (good friends, who were genuinely curious), but quickly found out that if someone wasn’t at all kink-inclined, there was just no way of convincing them that being in bondage can be a fun and relaxing way to spend a few hours. It was always interesting to see the gears turning in someone’s head as they tried to process that idea, but inevitably would come to the conclusion that, for them, being tied up would be a painful, uncomfortable, and anything but relaxing experience.
User avatar
pavtron
**
Posts: 147
Joined: 19 Dec 2012, 22:38

Re: Wondering about the psycology behind

Post by pavtron »

copperfox wrote:I used to try to describe why I like being tied up to friends (good friends, who were genuinely curious), but quickly found out that if someone wasn’t at all kink-inclined, there was just no way of convincing them that being in bondage can be a fun and relaxing way to spend a few hours. It was always interesting to see the gears turning in someone’s head as they tried to process that idea, but inevitably would come to the conclusion that, for them, being tied up would be a painful, uncomfortable, and anything but relaxing experience.
This has also been my experience.

I've discovered I really get board if I tied my self up statically. However if someone else does it... totally different. The relaxing part for me is allowing my executive function to rest (once I've given in to the fact there is no way out).

Predicaments work very well solo. They force me to focus on the current situation. Everything else is muted for a few hours. It's a nice break.
User avatar
TNTBound
****
Posts: 1010
Joined: 09 May 2014, 18:24
Location: johnstown

Re: Wondering about the psycology behind

Post by TNTBound »

copperfox wrote: I used to try to describe why I like being tied up to friends (good friends, who were genuinely curious), but quickly found out that if someone wasn’t at all kink-inclined, there was just no way of convincing them that being in bondage can be a fun and relaxing way to spend a few hours. It was always interesting to see the gears turning in someone’s head as they tried to process that idea, but inevitably would come to the conclusion that, for them, being tied up would be a painful, uncomfortable, and anything but relaxing experience.
this right here is why i dont try to explain it to anyone, and also why i have the first part of my signature. it cant be explained to someone that doesnt understand, and its just understood by those that get it.

dont get me wrong, there are PLENTY of ways that you can be tied up that would be pretty painful, but a nice spread eagle on the bed with some wide leather cuffs, or being in a sleepsack, or a latex vacbed can be pure bliss!

i know for me anyways, what gets me off is usually the "i cant get out no matter what i try" thought when im squirming in my restraints, and then sometimes, its simply feeling the restraints on me that does it.

other times, i can fall asleep tied up because i know that i cant get out for a while anyways.

i find that once i cum and get over the "i cant get out" part, i can kind of zone out and relax.
For those that get it, no explanation is needed. For those that don't, no explanation is possible.
"Some men just want to watch the world burn" - i can relate to this more and more the older i get!
User avatar
Shannon SteelSlave
Moderator
Posts: 6530
Joined: 03 Feb 2019, 19:49
Location: New England, USA

Re: Wondering about the psycology behind

Post by Shannon SteelSlave »

TNTBound wrote:
this right here is why i dont try to explain it to anyone, and also why i have the first part of my signature. it cant be explained to someone that doesnt understand, and its just understood by those that get it.
I have always felt that your signature said it all. That is why you don't have to take an exam before joining here, you just know why you are here and how you got here.
Bondage is like a foreign film without subtitles. Only through sharing and practice can we hope to understand.
A Jedi uses bondage for knowledge and defense, never for attack.
I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T!....I, I mean S-M-A-R-T!
👠👠
Post Reply