Introduction and maybe looking for an Internet playmate

[Imaginary_Girl]

Well at this point I'm quite concerned. At the very least it's not happening tomorrow. They were supposed to message me on Tuesday with a time for us to get together either Wednesday or today to set up some of the things that needed to be set up in advance. But I haven't heard from them, so that stuff can't get done in time for tomorrow. I've barely heard anything at all since Saturday. Still haven't even heard the full story of their scene.

I don't know what's going on but I will be very disappointed if it doesn't happen for some reason. Especially since two other people have messaged me since asking if I still was looking for someone and I said "No" because I thought I'd found someone. Maybe something just came up and they are very busy, I dunno, but I'd really appreciate at least knowing.

[Imaginary_Girl]

So they finally messaged me back, and it turns out they've just been really swamped with work this week. Also they said they didn't wanna tell me all about their scene until after mine because they thought it might scare me before mine. I know she had a bit of a freak out, I suppose it's related to that. I guess we will see! I am too hot now to freak out. I've purposefully denied myself sexual release since early Monday. Doesn't seem like long but that's an eternity for me. That plus the excitement from the scene itself has me so hot I feel like I might just randomly come for no reason rofl.

Either way it's on! 22 hours from now I will be bound on my back spread out and entirely under someone elses control. She will have the control over the two most powerful responses my body has. She'll have control of my pain response through a TENs set on max and attached to my thighs and stomach, and she'll have control of my sexual response through a magic wand attached to my sex. I hope she makes good use of it! She'll also have control of my release, though of course I have a backup.

I'm very excited. I'm working on transforming myself. It takes soooooooooooooooooooo much work to transform from a guy into a girl. At least, if you wanna do it well. And of course I wanna do it well! I just spent 1.5 hours shaving lol. Legs/arms/stomach/chest/back/hands/feet. Ironically not my face - that will get shaved tomorrow right before I start doing makeup(so it can be the closest shave possible). I'm actually really good with makeup. I laugh a lot because I will see a "real" girl somewhere out in the world and her makeup is just done so badly and it makes me laugh because I know how to do it waaaay better. When my niece was growing up she used to ask me to teach her to do makeup all the time lol!

I haven't gone the whole 9 yards like this in a while because it's soooooooo much work. But when I used to I used to be pretty good. A couple of times I'm 90% sure I could have passed. I even looked good enough that I turned myself on and I'm only attracted to girls lol. Totally masturbated to myself in the mirror! Hopefully it will turn out that well. I really want it to turn out well for both my sake and hers("she" is actually the same as me - physically a guy and attracted to girls). The fact that I have long, really pretty curly hair certainly helps things. It looks good no matter which gender I'm trying to be. But when I'm trying to be female I do it such that it frames my face in a specific way that softens my jawline. It definitely helps! Another thing that really helps is I have really nice skin. Very soft and healthy and with a little bit of a glow. IKR? I'm totally supposed to be a girl! Curse this stupid penis! XD

Lastly for the first time today another person heard my "pseudogirl voice" as I call it. I.E. the voice I speak in when I'm trying to be female. No one had ever heard it before, but today my best friend heard it as well as my playmate. They both thought it was very good! I'm pleased about that. I was worried. My partner is using a voice changer which doesn't work nearly as well. It gets the job done, she certainly didn't sound male, but it made her hard to understand. I'm happy my girl voice is good enough that I can just speak in it without using anything like that!

So anyway wish me luck! I think it's gonna be crazy amounts of fun. I literally cannot wait. I hope I can sleep! It would suck to be up all night tonight because we don't start til around midnight tomorrow ><

[Imaginary_Girl]

Ahh I'm gonna be super cute! It's gonna be great. I wish I could show you guys but I'm not comfortable with that ><

[Imaginary_Girl]

T - 5 hours or so! I don't think I've ever been this excited in my life. I also don't think I've ever been this hot in my life. My thoughts are racing so fast I can barely make sense of them lol. It's gonna be really excellent! I can't wait to tell you all about it. I can't wait to do it.

Excitement!

[Imaginary_Girl]

Well, life intervened and it's not happening. At least not tonight. Her friend got into an accident while drunk and got arrested. I'm very disappointed but I just can't be selfish in a case like that. I was suspicious at first honestly. I told her don't cancel on me after 5pm and don't leave me hanging and she did both by writing me at 7pm and saying she may or may not be able to do the scene. So yeah I was suspicious. But I'm naturally a trusting person and also a caring one. If she wanted to fuck with me she could do much better than cancel after all. If she wanted to she could have pushed me in to hell(not the good kind) for about 3 hours until my backup fell. So I'm inclined to believe her. She wrote me just a few minutes ago to say it's definitely off and that he got arrested(originally she only said her friend was in an accident and she guessed he was likely drunk).

I'm upset at myself though for letting myself get so excited. It never works out well when I do. I dunno why but yeah I just have really bad luck if I let myself get super excited over something. I mean, I know the problem she is having just outclasses mine by lots. But that doesn't mean I don't have my own feelings and I'm not upset about it. It kinda fucks with my head in a way, really. I want to be upset about not getting to fulfill what is a HUGE fantasy for me but I can't be as upset as I like because it's just not about me.

Anyway that's the situation and I'm going to bed. Having that level of excitement drained out of you in an instant just leaves you very very exhausted. I don't know if we will try again or not.

Edit: Oh and I never finished my transformation either which sucks. It was gonna be really good. I'd done everything but makeup and I was really pleased with how it turned out. I was literally just sitting down to paint my nails when I found out it wasn't happening. I kinda want to go ahead and finish honestly, I've not gone all the way in a while and I know I would be super cute. But I've just had all the energy and enthusiasm drained out of me ><

[Imaginary_Girl]

So I decided that unfortunately I just can't trust her anymore Even if I believe everything she told me, my excitement and my trust is gone and I can't help that. It's not only that she had to cancel on me. Three times before that she broke communication with me with no explanation. Once during her own scene which caused me to worry a bit. Maybe I'm needy in this way but the worst thing you can do in any kind of relationship with me is leave me to guess what's going on. I just don't do well with that and my mind goes crazy trying to imagine what's going on. I even told her that and she still left me with a maybe last night for 2 hours. I'll grant her that last night was kind of a super extenuating circumstance and she probably couldn't help it. But the three times before she could have. It doesn't take but a couple of minutes to write me a few sentences to let me know what's going on. Especially considering I am supposed to seriously put myself out there for you and give you control over the two most powerful responses my body has. And my freedom. And let you watch me. And let you be the first person to see me as a girl. I don't think a couple of sentences is too much to ask considering that. Not at all.

Unfortunately we just aren't a match in this way it seems. I feel bad because if she is being honest then it's not entirely her fault and it's not only me with something to lose here. We both stood to gain a lot from this. But I also know that though I could force myself into a scene with her I wouldn't enjoy it. It would only be to test her. And that is NOT what I want my first kinky experience with another person to be. Not at all. So I wrote her an email explaining this and apologizing. I really do feel bad. For both of us. It just wasn't in the cards, I guess.

It really really fucking sucks >< I mean I'll be okay and I'll get over it. But even if I find someone else I'm gonna be a LOT more wary now because of this.

[Imaginary_Girl]

So I took this picture of my legs to show my friend what my skin was like. It's been about a day since I shaved them so it's starting to grow back, but you can at least get a good idea of what my skin is like.

http://i.imgur.com/mQ02gIU.jpg

So yeah I have nice skin as I said. I don't do anything to make it that nice either, it just is. Definitely happy about that though!

[Imaginary_Girl]

Oh so yeah, in case I didn't make it clear I am again looking for someone >_< Two other people aside from the one I was talking to had written me since but I told them no because... well I already had someone to play with.

[Imaginary_Girl]

Well here is good news. I sorted the problem that was causing my controller program to disconnect after just over an hour. It was really a simple mistake. Anyway so that's working now.... for as long as you wanna play with me XD.

Meanwhile I'm in the process of implementing a webcam stream and voice stream in to it. One problem we found when we tried to set it up before is she needed to have a browser open for the webcam, mumble open for audio, and the controller program open for controlling. That's quite cluttered and not user friendly, so I want to implement it all back in to one program. Making good progress, the problem is bandwidth. I can't figure out a good way to compress the webcam frames and I can't interface with anything useful like a codec in the language I use. Hmm.