Do play safe: BDSM death in Montreal area
Cardiac arrest? Sounds like there may have been electro-stim devices at work, nipple to nipple maybe. We know this is a big no-no.
There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons - for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons - for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
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bound_jenny
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- Joined: 09 Dec 2007, 12:37
- Location: Montreal, Canada, Great Kinky North
The autopsy report should clear up any doubts.
Other than playing safe, this tragedy should also remind us that health is important, too. Our bodies are intricate machines that are easily thrown out of whack. We have to watch what we eat, how much we eat, and any other substances that we get into ourselves that might screw up the works. Occasional indulgences are fine; it's the excesses that mess things up.
I decided to lose weight, at the same time I started tightlacing, over two years ago. I was easily tired, and had very little energy despite sleeping quite a bit. Now my health is much better, I feel better, look better, and I have a lot more get-up-and-go than I used to.
Self-bondage and BDSM are very demanding physical activities, and it would be a shame to shorten the enjoyment by keeling over too early, either in our out of bondage.
I will keep a close watch on this story.
Play safe and take care of yourselves!
Jenny.
Other than playing safe, this tragedy should also remind us that health is important, too. Our bodies are intricate machines that are easily thrown out of whack. We have to watch what we eat, how much we eat, and any other substances that we get into ourselves that might screw up the works. Occasional indulgences are fine; it's the excesses that mess things up.
I decided to lose weight, at the same time I started tightlacing, over two years ago. I was easily tired, and had very little energy despite sleeping quite a bit. Now my health is much better, I feel better, look better, and I have a lot more get-up-and-go than I used to.
Self-bondage and BDSM are very demanding physical activities, and it would be a shame to shorten the enjoyment by keeling over too early, either in our out of bondage.
I will keep a close watch on this story.
Play safe and take care of yourselves!
Jenny.
Helplessness is a doorway to the innermost reaches of the soul.
If my corset isn't tight, it just isn't right!
Kink is the spice of life!
Come to the Dark Side - we have cookies!
If my corset isn't tight, it just isn't right!
Kink is the spice of life!
Come to the Dark Side - we have cookies!
Thanks for sharing the news Jenny.
It's strange I didn't hear anything on the news in myhometown? Usually we would get this kind of news...
Anyway, keep us posted when you find out the autopsy results.
Assuming the worst (negligence), I still find it difficult to just blame the guy for the entire incident. Who knows if she wasn't always pushing (asking) for him to push harder, take more risks, etc. We all know how we like to "push the limits"... but as already said before if you're not perfectly sure what your limit is, your better off not trying to find out...
And lots of people have heart attacks. Maybe it was just (unfortunately) her time??
Still a sad story for sure.
It's strange I didn't hear anything on the news in myhometown? Usually we would get this kind of news...
Anyway, keep us posted when you find out the autopsy results.
Assuming the worst (negligence), I still find it difficult to just blame the guy for the entire incident. Who knows if she wasn't always pushing (asking) for him to push harder, take more risks, etc. We all know how we like to "push the limits"... but as already said before if you're not perfectly sure what your limit is, your better off not trying to find out...
And lots of people have heart attacks. Maybe it was just (unfortunately) her time??
Still a sad story for sure.
But thats what being a good dom is about - knowing the limits, be it physical or psychological limits. And to be honest, almost all possibly lethal situations in bdsm play are quite easy to spot if you keep a clear mind. With the exception of asphyxiation play maybe, and probably suspention, but I don`t have any experience with either of those.
I mean, suppose she is tied up - that means she can`t freaking move. How can she possibly hurt herself like that, if the restraints are done properly? So, if it was no accident, either the dominant must have messed up the restraints or he caused a possibly lethal situation, since she was probably unable to do anything about her situation at all.
No, I think with the exception of accidents (including some physical conditions, but excluding health issues the dom knows about), the dominant is responsible for anything that happens except for the most unusual cases. At least thats what bdsm play is about, the sub giving control to the dom, isn`t it? Now, I may be one of the most unreliable persons ever, but if I have a sub under my control, I always think twice before doing anything and rather skip something I am unsure about than trying it without being sure of the result.
I mean, suppose she is tied up - that means she can`t freaking move. How can she possibly hurt herself like that, if the restraints are done properly? So, if it was no accident, either the dominant must have messed up the restraints or he caused a possibly lethal situation, since she was probably unable to do anything about her situation at all.
No, I think with the exception of accidents (including some physical conditions, but excluding health issues the dom knows about), the dominant is responsible for anything that happens except for the most unusual cases. At least thats what bdsm play is about, the sub giving control to the dom, isn`t it? Now, I may be one of the most unreliable persons ever, but if I have a sub under my control, I always think twice before doing anything and rather skip something I am unsure about than trying it without being sure of the result.
There is a beast inside man that should be exercised, not exorcised.
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bound_jenny
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- Joined: 09 Dec 2007, 12:37
- Location: Montreal, Canada, Great Kinky North
There still hasn't been any news on the conclusions of the autopsy, or even any news of the autopsy having been performed yet.
Jenny.
Jenny.
Helplessness is a doorway to the innermost reaches of the soul.
If my corset isn't tight, it just isn't right!
Kink is the spice of life!
Come to the Dark Side - we have cookies!
If my corset isn't tight, it just isn't right!
Kink is the spice of life!
Come to the Dark Side - we have cookies!
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Amy_Tenchi
- ***
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- Location: Jersey, USA
- Contact:
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bound_jenny
- Moderator
- Posts: 10268
- Joined: 09 Dec 2007, 12:37
- Location: Montreal, Canada, Great Kinky North
No news yet. It must be unspectacular or the media would have made the most of it already. The autopsy probably concluded an unrelated cause of death.
Jenny.
Jenny.
Helplessness is a doorway to the innermost reaches of the soul.
If my corset isn't tight, it just isn't right!
Kink is the spice of life!
Come to the Dark Side - we have cookies!
If my corset isn't tight, it just isn't right!
Kink is the spice of life!
Come to the Dark Side - we have cookies!
Hi. The victim in this tragic incident was a close friend of mine.
Her family and other friends are trying to get her name removed from all the online articles and archives to protect her 9-year old son's dignity.
I hope it's not too much to ask, but could you please remove all instances of her name in this thread or on this board and at least for the time being, refrain from mentioning her name? (talking about the story and the reported details is fair game) Her name was not supposed to be released, and it is causing anguish to her family and friends.
I know it may seem trite considering that this is a message board and its purpose is to share experiences and understanding in the BSDM (sp? I always get this acronym wrong) but we are trying to make her name disappear in this context because of an ongoing criminal investigation, and also to protect the privacy of her family and her son.
Case in point, I was able to find it on this board fairly easily through a simple google search. (We're even trying to get Google to remove instances of her name as well)
I can't give you many details about her death since it wouldn't be first-hand knowledge, and it would also betray the trust of her other friends and her family, but I can tell you that what you've read in those articles does not reflect what actually happened.
She was a vibrant, generous, sexy, ribald, warm, very healthy person who discovered this side of her sexuality recently and felt a new sense of identity with it. The last time I saw her, she was floating on air with this self-discovery and was very much in love with the man who did this to her.
I know other people who are into bondage and S&M and role-playing games and so on, and from they have told me, this kind of incident is well out of the ordinary even for that scene.
There are sure to be other developments. It makes me uneasy to contemplate what may have actually happened that took my friend away from us. Her son is inconsolable (he's mama's little boy, so much like her), her sisters and mother are completely devastated, and her best friend, also a dear friend of mine, keeps getting weeping episodes and breaking down on occasion with very little provocation.
All this has made me very angry with the press, especially since a lot of them have taken liberties in inventing a scenario that is far from the truth and paints our friend in an unsavoury and prurient light, making her in some circles as some fucking joke. Even respectable news organizations like the Globe and Mail and the CBC have spun a little sleaze on this subject.
I know you folks have shown understanding and unlike some other message boards I've scoured, refrained from making off-colour humour at the expense of the victim. I appreciate that immensely. I think most, if not all of you know that she was someone's mother, someone's daughter, sister, niece, best friend, co-worker, and lover.
Her family and other friends are trying to get her name removed from all the online articles and archives to protect her 9-year old son's dignity.
I hope it's not too much to ask, but could you please remove all instances of her name in this thread or on this board and at least for the time being, refrain from mentioning her name? (talking about the story and the reported details is fair game) Her name was not supposed to be released, and it is causing anguish to her family and friends.
I know it may seem trite considering that this is a message board and its purpose is to share experiences and understanding in the BSDM (sp? I always get this acronym wrong) but we are trying to make her name disappear in this context because of an ongoing criminal investigation, and also to protect the privacy of her family and her son.
Case in point, I was able to find it on this board fairly easily through a simple google search. (We're even trying to get Google to remove instances of her name as well)
I can't give you many details about her death since it wouldn't be first-hand knowledge, and it would also betray the trust of her other friends and her family, but I can tell you that what you've read in those articles does not reflect what actually happened.
She was a vibrant, generous, sexy, ribald, warm, very healthy person who discovered this side of her sexuality recently and felt a new sense of identity with it. The last time I saw her, she was floating on air with this self-discovery and was very much in love with the man who did this to her.
I know other people who are into bondage and S&M and role-playing games and so on, and from they have told me, this kind of incident is well out of the ordinary even for that scene.
There are sure to be other developments. It makes me uneasy to contemplate what may have actually happened that took my friend away from us. Her son is inconsolable (he's mama's little boy, so much like her), her sisters and mother are completely devastated, and her best friend, also a dear friend of mine, keeps getting weeping episodes and breaking down on occasion with very little provocation.
All this has made me very angry with the press, especially since a lot of them have taken liberties in inventing a scenario that is far from the truth and paints our friend in an unsavoury and prurient light, making her in some circles as some fucking joke. Even respectable news organizations like the Globe and Mail and the CBC have spun a little sleaze on this subject.
I know you folks have shown understanding and unlike some other message boards I've scoured, refrained from making off-colour humour at the expense of the victim. I appreciate that immensely. I think most, if not all of you know that she was someone's mother, someone's daughter, sister, niece, best friend, co-worker, and lover.
Last edited by The Dude on 22 Mar 2008, 01:17, edited 1 time in total.
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Dark_Lizerd
- *****
- Posts: 2418
- Joined: 22 Oct 2006, 11:30
- Location: New Mexico
I don't anyone here wants names, just details...
Could there be something someone is doing here that
will land themself in news the same way....
That, I believe, is all we want to know...
A sport or hobby without risks is not as much fun,
but you gota know the risks...
(Sorry for your loss, and I can see where you would want
the name out of the news...)
Could there be something someone is doing here that
will land themself in news the same way....
That, I believe, is all we want to know...
A sport or hobby without risks is not as much fun,
but you gota know the risks...
(Sorry for your loss, and I can see where you would want
the name out of the news...)
All advice is checked, re-checked and verified to be questionable...
Don't ask, we both wont understand the answer...
http://www.mediafire.com/download/09dtr ... e_V2_2.exe Not just for nubies any more...
Don't ask, we both wont understand the answer...
http://www.mediafire.com/download/09dtr ... e_V2_2.exe Not just for nubies any more...
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bound_jenny
- Moderator
- Posts: 10268
- Joined: 09 Dec 2007, 12:37
- Location: Montreal, Canada, Great Kinky North
(quote removed on request of bottleneck)
I have removed the single instance of her name from this thread. However, that name will not be erased from my heart.
You are right about us being understanding about the situation. We are a very close-knit community here and each and every one of us cares about the other. Your friend, though not a member of our board, benefits from that same kinship and caring. Something like that is felt as a tragic loss to all of us.
If there has been any grief inflicted because of us following the story here, I give my sincerest apologies.
I believe that I speak for all of us when I thank you for coming here and setting the record straight, and giving us a personal and direct insight into this terrible tragedy.
I can also presume to speak for all of us in offering our deepest condolences and sympathies to her family, her friends, and to you, in this time of loss.
Again, thank you.
Jenny.
I consider this thread as closed, unless any of you have messages of support. There will no longer be any information about this case posted here. I would appreciate it if all members respected this, considering the situation. Thank you.
I have removed the single instance of her name from this thread. However, that name will not be erased from my heart.
You are right about us being understanding about the situation. We are a very close-knit community here and each and every one of us cares about the other. Your friend, though not a member of our board, benefits from that same kinship and caring. Something like that is felt as a tragic loss to all of us.
If there has been any grief inflicted because of us following the story here, I give my sincerest apologies.
I believe that I speak for all of us when I thank you for coming here and setting the record straight, and giving us a personal and direct insight into this terrible tragedy.
I can also presume to speak for all of us in offering our deepest condolences and sympathies to her family, her friends, and to you, in this time of loss.
Again, thank you.
Jenny.
I consider this thread as closed, unless any of you have messages of support. There will no longer be any information about this case posted here. I would appreciate it if all members respected this, considering the situation. Thank you.
Last edited by bound_jenny on 22 Mar 2008, 01:49, edited 2 times in total.
Helplessness is a doorway to the innermost reaches of the soul.
If my corset isn't tight, it just isn't right!
Kink is the spice of life!
Come to the Dark Side - we have cookies!
If my corset isn't tight, it just isn't right!
Kink is the spice of life!
Come to the Dark Side - we have cookies!
-
bottleneck
- *
- Posts: 7
- Joined: 21 Mar 2008, 14:20
Hi,
I am a close friend of the victim and I want to thank Jenny for taking down her name down from her post. That being said, I wish The Dude did not reveal the cause of her death since it is not public knowledge.
I asked The Dude and Bound Jenny to edit their posts and I would appreciate it, if you guys did not discuss the manner of her death down thread.
Sorry for all the drama you guys.
Thanks,
Bottleneck
I am a close friend of the victim and I want to thank Jenny for taking down her name down from her post. That being said, I wish The Dude did not reveal the cause of her death since it is not public knowledge.
I asked The Dude and Bound Jenny to edit their posts and I would appreciate it, if you guys did not discuss the manner of her death down thread.
Sorry for all the drama you guys.
Thanks,
Bottleneck
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bottleneck
- *
- Posts: 7
- Joined: 21 Mar 2008, 14:20
I talked to the head detective yesterday and he is still waiting for the full autopsy result. There will be likely criminal accusations against her boyfriend and if I told you the circumstances of her death, you would understand why.Dark_Lizerd wrote:I don't anyone here wants names, just details...
Could there be something someone is doing here that
will land themself in news the same way....
That, I believe, is all we want to know...
A sport or hobby without risks is not as much fun,
but you gota know the risks...
(Sorry for your loss, and I can see where you would want
the name out of the news...)
There might be also a civil suit against him.
We will try to get a gag order from a judge to prevent further disclosure of her name in the media, but I am sure that more details will be released when the trial(s) begin.
This is a cautionary tale. Don't, and I mean don't trust anybody. Security precautions are there for a good reason.
bottleneck & the dude:
thanx for taking the time to explain a bit more about this, and for not
"barging in here" & threaten this board about her name removed.
seems this live was lost because her acquaintence didn't care about
safe, sane & consensual, which is how this "game" should allways be played.
i am sorry about your loss & all the grief the kid, relatives & friends are experiencing right now. it's sad to see any life go prematurely, but under these circumstances it hurts way more.
words just can't do this justice. if this really was negliciance or even worse
i hope it will be dealt with accordingly.
however, don't expect closure & relief from any legal verdict stemming
from this.
closure will only be achieved from within your hearts.
i hope my "ramblings" did make some sense.
PL
thanx for taking the time to explain a bit more about this, and for not
"barging in here" & threaten this board about her name removed.
seems this live was lost because her acquaintence didn't care about
safe, sane & consensual, which is how this "game" should allways be played.
i am sorry about your loss & all the grief the kid, relatives & friends are experiencing right now. it's sad to see any life go prematurely, but under these circumstances it hurts way more.
words just can't do this justice. if this really was negliciance or even worse
i hope it will be dealt with accordingly.
however, don't expect closure & relief from any legal verdict stemming
from this.
closure will only be achieved from within your hearts.
i hope my "ramblings" did make some sense.
PL
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bottleneck
- *
- Posts: 7
- Joined: 21 Mar 2008, 14:20
Ponylady -
I was about to write boundjenny a PM.
My friend was new to this world. She discovered it last August. I know the guy who introduced her to sub / dom play since he is my ex-fiancé. I had met him before he discovered this world in San Francisco and, even though we have been lovers for ten years, he did not fully take this role with me. He asked me if he could, actually, and I chickened out for reasons that had to do with our relationship and others that were more personal.
Anyway, my friend and him got along famously in bed and she tried to recreate this intensity with someone who was available romantically.
But that someone did not obey basic security measures in BDSM. He also had a history of belittling her pain and fears. He also brought her breakfast in bed and he was totally committed to her, wanted to live with her...
So you see her conundrum?
Someone so lively and so vibrant should not be dead. I can't believe what's left of her is in a mahogany urn.
Take care all and listen to the signal and cues.
And thanks for your sympathy.
I was about to write boundjenny a PM.
My friend was new to this world. She discovered it last August. I know the guy who introduced her to sub / dom play since he is my ex-fiancé. I had met him before he discovered this world in San Francisco and, even though we have been lovers for ten years, he did not fully take this role with me. He asked me if he could, actually, and I chickened out for reasons that had to do with our relationship and others that were more personal.
Anyway, my friend and him got along famously in bed and she tried to recreate this intensity with someone who was available romantically.
But that someone did not obey basic security measures in BDSM. He also had a history of belittling her pain and fears. He also brought her breakfast in bed and he was totally committed to her, wanted to live with her...
So you see her conundrum?
Someone so lively and so vibrant should not be dead. I can't believe what's left of her is in a mahogany urn.
Take care all and listen to the signal and cues.
And thanks for your sympathy.
