Can a submissive/vanilla relationship survive?

"Normal bondage" with a partner. Post here if your post do not fit the selfbondage threads.
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bound_jenny
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Re: Can a submissive/vanilla relationship survive?

Post by bound_jenny »

With the extra information presented here, I think there may be a possibility of greatly enhancing her self-confidence and self-esteem by giving her a gradual introduction to domination. It would be of much benefit to reinforcing her self-image (your being with her has already helped her, since you have demonstrated that you value her person enough to be her companion).

There's no need for bondage, to start with. Just be subservient to her. Worship her as if she were a goddess. Let her gradually taste the power she has over you. Only when she is comfortable with that power, that she has gained confidence and self-esteem, and that she feels ready for it, would any form of bondage enter the scene.

By no means rush it. Proceed slowly and surely, one small step at a time. Patience will be rewarded.

Jenny.
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KinkInSpace
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Re: Can a submissive/vanilla relationship survive?

Post by KinkInSpace »

@Jenny: This will be a problem when she wants them to be equals. In that case, she first has to get over being insecure, and then he can explain why he likes it.

I've also thought about something you could do. Given that you like chastity, you should make it a habbit of sleeping naked and wear a chastity device. This means, she'll be seeing you in it a lot. If she asks why, tell her that you like it so much.

After a while she'll get used to this. And if there comes the conversation where she asks you what you want, for example a birthday present, you could say: I'd love it if you would hold the key to my chastity device and take control of when I can get out or not.
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bound_jenny
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Re: Can a submissive/vanilla relationship survive?

Post by bound_jenny »

I guess I should have explicitly specified that this introduction be subtle. It would sort of spoil the gradual nature of it if one would just go to her and say "dominate me". :roll:

Just being subservient to her, but not dependent on her for all things, would gradually get her to have more confidence in herself. Slow and subtle. Not pedal-to-the-metal. It has to be way more subtle than a Jerry Lewis character. :lol:

Make sure she's the center of attention in everything that's done. She feels appreciated, so self-esteem goes up. When she does show some confidence, some dominating traits, she should be rewarded with some warm, romantic cuddling.

That's positive reinforcement. It works.

Jenny.
Helplessness is a doorway to the innermost reaches of the soul.
If my corset isn't tight, it just isn't right!
Kink is the spice of life!
Come to the Dark Side - we have cookies!
tiemeupalso
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Re: Can a submissive/vanilla relationship survive?

Post by tiemeupalso »

in answer to your question it will all depend on which you value more,the relationship or the kink.
trepxe
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Re: Can a submissive/vanilla relationship survive?

Post by trepxe »

I have had my fantasy rock'd. She use to demand me to be tied up by the time she was home, and if I wasnt shed punish me. It was everything I wanted. Shed tease me, make me swell in my chastity. Shed even agree to not let me come for days on end, yet would still tie me up and whip me and edge me over and over again. I was her sex slave, and she was my dominant mistress. I loved it.

But she wasnt date-able. Same with the next fuck buddy I had. She also rock'd my world, except she was more into causing me pain and punishment than teasing me. Which I also loved. I craved it. She also was undatable.

Now I am in a relationship with a vanilla girl, and she knows about all of my kinks. She knows i tie myself up while shes at work, and she really has no opinion on it. My point is, you found someone who accepts you and your kinks. My gf doesnt enjoy tying me up, but if I keep her really happy, sometimes she will agree to tie me up. She has a hard limit of spanking me or whipping me or causing any real pain, but she is getting better at teasing me and scratching my chest and back. She also has no opinion on chastity, but if I ask her to take my keys for the day, she will. Ive only been dating her 3 months. This question has rattled my head for a while too.
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Re: Can a submissive/vanilla relationship survive?

Post by whomadeangus »

I think that it's hard to find someone to be with that makes you happy, with as hard as this world is we all need to hold on to whatever happiness we can find.

I think that there are ways to satisfy your kinks and remain together, but you have to talk about it. Maybe she's your release mechanism or your back up? Obviously she's not saying omg you like what?

As submissives we crave serving and bringing pleasure to our women. I don't know if your looking for inside and outside the bedroom if so maybe it can be in less obvious ways like making sure dinners started and you do this important erronds and make sure the house is clean before she gets home I hope you get what I'm saying.

If it's in the bedroom then giving her what she wants how she wants it is serving her even if that means taking charge. Besides that in my case if you're giving her what she wants then she may reciprocate. That's how my wife and I are easing into a bedroom D/s relationship.

I know I didn't want a service top and I wanted my wife to derive pleasure from controlling me, because when you enjoy it you want to do it and it's not a chore, so I've been supportive and she's setting the pace
chainmale1
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Re: Can a submissive/vanilla relationship survive?

Post by chainmale1 »

It depends if your love is stronger than your desire to do bondage, I would take the love every time.
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Re: Can a submissive/vanilla relationship survive?

Post by dante33 »

chainmale1 wrote:It depends if your love is stronger than your desire to do bondage, I would take the love every time.
chainmale1
I'm with chainmale - we tried using bondage in the first year of our relationship, and while my girlfriend actually likes it, we just never managed to find the balance in it somehow. Our sexlife improved when we stopped trying to shoehorn the fetish in there. We've been together 5 years now, 4 years without bondage, and it just seems to work better. Maybe it'll come back at some point (we're expecting, so probably not for a good long while), but for now, its fine. Yes, I do yearn for it at times, but I do quite a bit of selfbondage when she's not home to keep it at bay (I'm a switch, so I get my kicks tying up myself instead of her)
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