Should I give away my darkest secret?

[newbieguy]

Ok guys, I need your help, I have a girlfriend, but she dislikes the idea of bondage so I can't tell her about my self bondage sessions, I have one friend, who I'm 98% sure I can trust, and she's very sexually open, or so I believe. So should I tell her? Anybody got any bad expirienced from telling people that may put me off!? If so please share!

[bound_jenny]

I would worry more about what your current girlfriend would think when she finds out you're relating in some fashion with this other girl (assuming your plan with this other girl works).

I suspect that she won't be your current girlfriend for very long.

Jenny.

[BornThisWay]

Completely agree with Jenny on confiding in another girl while in a relationship with your girlfriend.
That is a recipe for disaster.
Should you tell your girlfriend? I suppose it would depend on how close you are with your girlfriend. In a close relationship I would expect each of you to accept the other and neither one of you should have to change who you are or be forced to live a lie.

This is from my experience only:
If you keep this secret from her, she's probably going to sense you are holding back or not satisfied with her. She may even start to suspect you are seeing someone else with the unexplained absences
while you take care of your bondage needs. In the long run, you risk making both you and her miserable.
My advice, (depending on how intimate you are), strategically reveal the man behind the mask or end the relationship. Otherwise, she may eventually find out and your world goes ka-boom.
There is no telling what a pissed off woman who knows your secret is going to do.

But again, I want to stress, this is from my experience only. You have to own whatever you decide to do.

[CaptainJoe]

Hi,

as the others said: bad idea. I've told my then girlfriend (now wife) right from the beginning that I'm into SB, she's still vanilla.
It's your choice if your relationship is one of love or of sexual activity - I chose love

Joe.

[lj]

Why the desire to tell the friend in the first place?

Most people, kink or vanilla, keep their sex life private. It isn't anyone else's business whether you like dressing up in rompers and bursting balloons, encasing yourself in latex, filling the bath with custard and diving in or having rampant sex with ten eager women. Or just having a kiss and a cuddle, with or without handcuffs. And most people would be a bit embarrassed if you suddenly told them about your sex life, even if it was "missionary position with the lights turned off"

So unless the friend is being viewed as a potential play-partner, she really doesn't have to know.

Now, the girl-friend. She doesn't like bondage. How do you know ? Might there be other areas of kink she would like? If she is absolutely against kink (how can you be sure?) then you need to make a decision, at least in this early stage of the relationship - kink as part of your life, or no kink.

I come at this from the direction of being lifelong kinky but suppressing it, except as a secret practice when alone, then getting involved in "real-world" kink with others but still keeping it secret from my wife of 40 years. Until she discovered my kink world. I am incredibly lucky that she not only accepted my kink life but has joined it. Not all my kinks, but most. And to her surprise, found she enjoyed quite a few things she didn't know existed, or would certainly have said she'd never do before being gently introduced to them!

So, back to the OP.

Don't tell the friend. Do tell your girl-friend. Far better she knows and can make a decision before committing her life to you, and vice versa. I was very lucky, you may not be. Remember that kink is a two-way thing, just as love is. Both must enjoy it and get something from it.

[TdAdvtrs]

Ok guys, I need your help, I have a girlfriend, but she dislikes the idea of bondage so I can't tell her about my self bondage sessions, I have one friend, who I'm 98% sure I can trust, and she's very sexually open, or so I believe. So should I tell her? Anybody got any bad expirienced from telling people that may put me off!? If so please share!

If you say she dislikes the idea of bondage there must have been some discussion already.

Today I was thinking about how do I go about coming out of the closet with my bondage fetish in my next relationship because it's also my secret.

I guess what drives me to keep it a secret is fear of rejection but its stupid because unless I am just lucky that every girlfriend I ever had was cool with it. I had 4 long term relation ships.

My kink was easy for them, my favorite thing is being bound spread eagle with chain and padlocks to the bed and being messed with and sex like that.

I would think that even a vanilla person would find having a bound helpless partner to play sex with would find it fun even if its not an extra turn on because I never fantasize about having others in bondage but when it was my partners turn to be the tied one it was still a fun activity.

I had more to say but the very best advice I think I can give you is that when you do find a girl who will play bondage with you you need to work extra hard to make the relationship work because I think I was lucky finding playmates in the past . Its not that easy to find someone period.

This forum helps, no place else can talk about how being chained up is fun to me or what a pain in the ass it is to have these fetishes fantasies and struggle with getting them for filled.

[newbieguy]

Thanks to everyone who replied! You guys have been a humongous help! I'll tell her tomorrow , gradually, not the full ka - pow, she can take me or leave me I guess, 8 Months down the gutter? But I can't hide it any longer so ill just tell her. I'll keep you guys in the loop because i know there are people like you guys who are here for me

[Zubba1]

Thanks to everyone who replied! You guys have been a humongous help! I'll tell her tomorrow , gradually, not the full ka - pow, she can take me or leave me I guess, 8 Months down the gutter? But I can't hide it any longer so ill just tell her. I'll keep you guys in the loop because i know there are people like you guys who are here for me

I missed out on this one...I hope it "works out to your advantage".
I will leave it at that

[TdAdvtrs]

Thanks to everyone who replied! You guys have been a humongous help! I'll tell her tomorrow , gradually, not the full ka - pow, she can take me or leave me I guess, 8 Months down the gutter? But I can't hide it any longer so ill just tell her. I'll keep you guys in the loop because i know there are people like you guys who are here for me

I think you are having lots of fun right now, and so is she. I guess you have been too tied up to update this post. Maybe even tied to a post.

[newbieguy]

so i assume at least some of you would like to know the outcome of what happened, i told my girlfriend after a very nice day out, so we were both in high spirits. all i told her was that i loved bondage and that i used to and occasionally still do, self bondage. she seemed a little shocked and surprised, asked me why i liked it, but hasn't really brought it up again. she doesn't like the idea of it, but hasn't told anyone so i dont really mind. my advice is, tell the person as long as you know you can trust them whole heartily, and that a wrong argument wont go and set them off.

[Sir Cumference]

Look at the bright sides:

- now she knows, and she has not bolted.
- now she knows, and should she find your toys, she probably will not bolt

- if bondage is your darkest secret, you have the possibility of being a very happy and uncomplicated person!

[lj]

Now follow it up, ask her what she would like to try. Most people have something that doesn't fit convention. Then supply it.

[bound_jenny]

Keep in mind that her needs are to be satisfied first. She needs to get some enjoyment out of it too. Let her tie you up and have her (evil) way with you. She will get a big boost in self-confidence, you'll get some good naughty fun, and probably an evil Mistress as a bonus.

Remember, your girlfriend must feel like she's getting as much out of it as you are. Or more.

Jenny.

[Fred Canty]

I suggest you to ask her if she mind allowing you to seek for a professional with her (or without her).