Complete beginner: Some advice on the basics?

[Sbelgravia123]

Hi guys, me and my partner have recently invested in some basic bondage gear (gag&rope). We really love the idea of making an already good sex life more kinky but don't really know where to start Some advice on the basics?
Thankuou!!!!

[qwerty212]

Hey, welcome to the forum!!

The basic rule is that everything you both do should be always safe and consensuated.

You should have a save word, so when one pf you says it the session should be stopped.

Greets from Barcelona

[Sbelgravia123]

Have you any advice on things to try? We're really looking for inspiration!

[Sir Cumference]

Have you any advice on things to try? We're really looking for inspiration!

The most important advice:
If you are both beginners, start out slowly!

Talk about it, adjust your expectations, outline what you are going to do.

Having your partner tie you up is really about trusting him/her!
You surrender the initiative and the responsibility for keeping you safe to your partner!
And your partner can actually do something to you, that you have agreed upon beforehand, but may not want now.*
(That is a good part of what makes it so fun too!)
Another great part of surrendering the initiative, is that you can truly lean back and enjoy! And if your partner is normally passive, he/she is forced to be more creative.

Start out with some classics:
Just tie the wrists. Not to anything, just tie them together. Then have some fun. It is about learning the ropes.
Tied in front, is less restrictive than tied on the back.

You have to find out what you like.

Or tie the ankles to the wrists. (great for oral sex on her!)

"Spread eagle" on the bed?




*After a couple of O's, Lady C considers it to be time for penetration. If she is tied up good, I'll sometimes roll a dice, and not get what she wants before she has had the number of O's the dice requested.
(She actually fears the nice little 10-sided sterling silver dice in the toy box )

[Sbelgravia123]

Thankyou it's great learning these new things. And can't wait to get started. Keep the ideas coming!

[lj]

I'd avoid using a gag to start with - you really need good communication when using bondage.

Have a "safe-word" in place - a lot of people use "traffic lights", with "amber" meaning "Please slow down/less severe/give me a break" and "RED" meaning "STOP" = end of scene. It is essential that the "STOP" word is only used seriously, not like "no,no,no" meaning "yes please, I'm just pretending I want you to stop" and it MUST be taken seriously if used and the scene stops immediately (with no recriminations on either side, though a good chat about what went wrong/too severe etc is a good idea) The safe-word can be anything, but choose a word that is unlikely to be used in normal conversation.

If you do use a gag, have a second "safe-word" - I usually give the sub/bottom a short piece of chain to hold - it rattles if they drop it, you then ask if it was a "STOP" or they accidentally dropped it.

[Sir Cumference]

I'd avoid using a gag to start with - you really need good communication when using bondage.

Have a "safe-word" in place - a lot of people use "traffic lights", with "amber" meaning "Please slow down/less severe/give me a break" and "RED" meaning "STOP" = end of scene. It is essential that the "STOP" word is only used seriously, not like "no,no,no" meaning "yes please, I'm just pretending I want you to stop" and it MUST be taken seriously if used and the scene stops immediately (with no recriminations on either side, though a good chat about what went wrong/too severe etc is a good idea) The safe-word can be anything, but choose a word that is unlikely to be used in normal conversation.

If you do use a gag, have a second "safe-word" - I usually give the sub/bottom a short piece of chain to hold - it rattles if they drop it, you then ask if it was a "STOP" or they accidentally dropped it.

Wise words indeed!


COMMUNICATE!
Remember that you are partners and that you do it for fun!
It is not a competition (unless that is the game for today....... ) and you do not have to prove anything.

Safewords are good, because they are taken seriously, and are not easily confused with all the other funny sounds emitted during fornication.
Safewords are on the other hand NOT an excuse for not being very attentive with regards to the state of the partner. If they faint, go into trance or panic, it is not impossible, that they will "forget" to use even the simplest and most logical safeword.

[freddylocks]

Hi

I echo others advice regarding safe words.

As many here know, Me and my Wife have played lots and lots, been to many events, however only the other day she used her safe word, communication is always key.

While having a lovely playtime, she was tied up and I started to insert a butt plug, this is nothing unusual, however she was making some distinctly unhappy noises about it, we are in the process of building more trust in our play and when it was evident that she wasn't comfortable about it I asked her very clearly for a colour (we use the traffic light system), she thought carefully for a moment and then said "red to the plug". I instantly excluded the plug from our play and we continued having a nice time. We talked about it the following day, she has not ruled it out in future however at that moment it was hurting in a not nice way.

Suffice to say, it doesn't matter how well you know each other, sometimes a simple safe word and being able to communicate can save not only the play session but avoid any bad feelings or emotions in the days, weeks or months to follow.

Thoughts as to what to do, as an ice breaker... fav has to be blindfold, then tell her to strip while you watch, then tie wrists behind back, apply a collar, leave her stood wondering what you are doing, collect ice and a hot drink, and as you drink you can use your hot lips on her neck and back, alternating with the ice.
Cheers
Freddy

[dsteve]

I found the book The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl's Guide to Female Dominance by Mistress Lorelei to be a good guide for a beginning domme.
My advice from experience that it is all about the drama. If whipping or spanking is involved, it is more about the anticipation, the threats, the teasing, than the actual smack on the butt. Make it last a long time and have fun acting your role.

[Sbelgravia123]

I have had a look through this book and it's great! Thank you very much!

[TdAdvtrs]

Hi guys, me and my partner have recently invested in some basic bondage gear (gag&rope). We really love the idea of making an already good sex life more kinky but don't really know where to start Some advice on the basics?
Thankuou!!!!

This is just an image I grabbed off the net real fast but I found light chain and those little locks is cool because it doesn't have to be real tight to work or get too tight like rope can and no knots that are hard to get out.

Thats how I started with me and my partner, just stuff from around the house, never saw bdsm on the internet or even knew what playing tie up was called when it started.

[dsteve]

Me too. I didn't know what it was called when I first had the urge and it was a relief to find that there are enough of us for us to have an official name. And you are right. Learning by doing is the best.