Introducing Chastity

Chastity is perhaps the ultimate in long term selfbondage.
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Zubba1
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Joined: 03 Jun 2014, 18:09

Introducing Chastity

Post by Zubba1 »

I have an interesting question for those into Chastity.
I guess mainly for men to their wives, how do you "broach the chastity subject"?

I am extremely curious....
rmcingle
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Joined: 13 Jul 2010, 17:28

Re: Introducing Chastity

Post by rmcingle »

I don't really recommend the way I did it, but...

BDSM had been an issue (read that as heated argument) between my wife and I for a long time. Long story short: I wasn't getting what I wanted so I looked elsewhere. Wrong thing to do.

During that phase of my life I had managed to arrange for an on-line Domme, who would give me assignments that I had to complete. It generally involved taking pictures to prove that I accomplished the tasks. In addition to the various tasks she also had control of my masturbation and orgasms. She was fairly generous with the orgasms, but I had to earn them by pleasing her with the tasks. This, of course, was all based on the honor system as I couldn't wear a chastity device.

My wife found out about my online mistress and was furious. Beyond furious. We were close to divorce anyway so I really didn't have much to lose so I put it all out on the table. When she calmed down and we started seriously working through our problems she was genuinely curious how I could be satisfied with an online relationship that didn’t involve any intercourse or in person contact. I suspect that she didn’t believe me that it was online only, at least not at first.

The masturbation control / orgasm denial aspect of the play I did with the mistress is what she found the most interesting. One of the biggest issues we had been having in our marriage was that sex had pretty much dried up, which was one of my main complaints. So if not having sex with my wife was a problem, why is not being allowed to masturbate a good thing?

I explained to her that being denied as part of a BDSM game was satisfying to me, while just being told “NO” was frustration.
So she decided to give chastity control a try. At first, it was all based on the honor system as I still didn’t have a chastity device. But after about a year she agreed to try a chastity device so I bought a “curve”. The curve didn’t work out so well for me so I replaced it with a CB-2000. She kept me locked up essentially 24/7 for a little over two years.

She would allow me to masturbate occasionally, typically every two weeks. We did have intercourse a fair amount, certainly a lot more frequently than we had been having it before. While she never cared for any of the other aspects of BDSM she was okay with the chastity control as she really didn’t have to do much and she got something out of it: I stopped pestering her for sex! Part of the agreement was that she was in control and I wouldn’t whine or beg or otherwise pressure her.

So, now to your situation:
Do you do any other forms of BDSM or kink with your wife?

If the request for chastity came entirely out of the blue then it might be quite a surprise to her. If you are already into submission games then it isn’t such a leap.

When you propose the chastity control I highly recommend that you include something that makes it worth her while. In my case it was the total surrender of sex that was to her liking. If your wife feels that she is getting something in return she might be much more likely to go along with it. And then you have to honor that commitment! Don’t beg and whine to be let out. Whatever her terms are, that’s it, and you don’t get a choice.

Ron
lj
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Re: Introducing Chastity

Post by lj »

Like rmcingle, I really don't recommend the way we went on this.

Those who have looked into my past postings will know that I started going to play-parties and the local munch without my wife having any idea of my kink life. After a year I got involved with a Domme, and without my intending it -I know this is hard to understand but I really didn't want a sexual relationship but ended up with what turned out to be a very brief one.

By chance, as a result of a couple of unfortunate texts that my wife discovered, my kink life was exposed, and I explained everything, and told her as much as I could about what had been happening. It was a seriously traumatic time for both of us, and I will never do anything like that again. I am incredibly fortunate that my lovely wife forgave me, and has, in fact, enthusiastically joined my kink world, as my Domme, as well as being my loving wife of over 40 years.

It happened that I was due to go on a course for a week, very shortly afterwards, and I needed a way to prove I was not going to betray her trust. I was able to borrow a CB3000 from a friend, and so I was locked in that for the time I was away.

Over the last four years, chastity has been a part of the D/s part of our relationship. I now have a JailBird from MatureMetals, and am locked in that according to My Lady's whim. It may be for a day, days or a couple of weeks. It may be a punishment, or as a way of concentrating my thoughts on her and not on my own satisfaction. Or she may just feel like doing it. Once locked, I never know for how long, but I am permitted a few minutes each day to thoroughly wash.

The psychology of chastity is complex, and probably unique to each person. For us it is a demonstration of control, an acknowledgement of submission and a way of channeling thoughts.
be a switch, double the fun :-)
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Fox-puppet
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Re: Introducing Chastity

Post by Fox-puppet »

Can't say I have a wife, but mine was more along the lines that my master (not at the time) kept bugging me to reveal my fetishes. After I finally caved, he said bdsm wasn't his fetish but he wasn't opposed to it as his previous lover was the same way.
A few months later, I bought a cage from amazon on a horny, lust driven whim. Once he found out, he immediately made me his locked pet. He still doesn't do the whole "master" thing unless I beg to be released, but for me the process of bringing up chastity was simple. Plus I found out that he only chooses not to be into it because he doesn't want to be sadistic, which I would be okay with if he was being a bit masochistic myself. :gag: :whip:
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