Help with getting into chastity

Chastity is perhaps the ultimate in long term selfbondage.
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Lialuvit
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Joined: 14 Oct 2013, 03:46

Help with getting into chastity

Post by Lialuvit »

Wife is not into it but I am like the though of being controlled. Not for a cuck relationship just fantasy play between me and my wife. A few weeks ago I gave her 10 O's without cumming and it was so hot! But she still is not looking to hold a key because she does not like the look if the devises.

Any help with introducing her slowly.. And options for others to hold a key on line?

Lia
lj
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Re: Help with getting into chastity

Post by lj »

First, the appearance of the chastity device.

There are very many devices available, most commonly the "ball-trap" type - full belts are very expensive (the cheap ones seem to be made poorly and use inferior materials).

The ball-trap devices often do look unpleasant, mechanical and are often bulky - all of which can be off-putting. You will see lots of comments about the different makes, my own preference is for the MatureMetals devices as these are custom-made, so they fit very well, and being "minimal" stainless steel, they look better than most.

Now, introducing your partner/wife to chastity is something that may be possible, but it requires care, just as introducing any kink to someone who isn't "into it". The main lesson is that there should be something in it that they can enjoy, not simply doing something to please you.

Personally, I find giving My Lady a great orgasm, whilst I am locked in my JailBird, is a big deal, a very enjoyable experience, as it strongly reinforces my submission, whilst being able to give her pleasure. She seems to enjoy it too ! I'm not locked up all the time, far from it, but it does figure in our Dominant/submissive relationship.

The OP might be able to use this approach, but must avoid the "look what I have done for you, now you should do something for me" and I know only too well that it is all to easy to do just that. But it depends on the relationship - if the D/s is only present in the bedroom, the chastity device is simply an additional toy (no harm in that) and could be introduced on that basis. If the OP wants the device to be part of day-to-day life then it needs to be part of their relationship which then becomes at least partly D/s. In which case, improved behaviour whilst locked up, being more helpful, offering services (not sexual) simply to help make his wife's life more comfortable, less demanding, and so on, so there is a positive outcome for his wife.

Personally, I see no point in key-holding, remote computer-based locks etc as for me the enjoyment of chastity is for its part in a loving D/s relationship. Others will have to advise on that.
be a switch, double the fun :-)
Tenderfoot88
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Re: Help with getting into chastity

Post by Tenderfoot88 »

The only specific advantage I can see to one's SO holding the key instead of some externally controlled system (timer or more sophisticated computerized setup), is that it enables them to have full access to their partner whenever he's around, while still preventing him from pleasuring himself and giving him that constant confined feeling. A computerized system that isn't just functioning as a digital key for the SO to hold doesn't allow the Dom(me) in the arrangement to decide spontaneously to remove the CB (may allow time shortening or lengthening, but not just spur-of-the-moment in the middle of whatever's going on - I don't know about you, but if I'd had a partner who brought me off 10 times (and was still up for another; highly unlikely this would happen in an ongoing encounter due to male anatomical issues with multiple orgasms, so I'm just using my imagination), having to go to the computer, direct it to give me the passcode (and wait for the delay, if present) to unlock the device, then go get the key from where it's stored by the combo lock (better to use a combo lock on the CB itself, but it's hard to find a small enough combo lock to work that way) would really break the mood for me. Pulling the key off a necklace or something (I'd use a neck chain, since my keychain is generally not handy when things in the bedroom become heated), then just unlocking it, on the other hand, isn't that much more complex than removing an article of clothing (and, if it's one of a few pieces of women's lingerie, it's actually simpler.)

So it depends on what the OP's wife wants when things get heated up. If she likes to be able to have spontaneous sex and is otherwise convinced to do chastity play of some kind, then keybearing is probably the simplest solution.

If the relationship is relatively vanilla, I can see 2 ways for chastity play to be involved (since lj covered the main reasons for it in a D/s situation):
1: as a favor (long term) - If the OP really wants to do it, and can find a CB to use that she doesn't find offputting, and if she's willing to accept the slight inconvenience of keeping a key and having to unlock him, I could see a partner agreeing to do it as a favor. It doesn't necessarily have to do much for them, in an equal relationship (defined as not being based around dominance/submission), it's not unusual for one to do something extra because the other person likes it, as long as it doesn't cross the line into making the person doing the favor overly uncomfortable.
2: As a part of foreplay (short term) - Either introducing a bit of D/s (forcing foreplay to last until the keyholding partner is ready to move on), or just making sure the keyholding partner is fully warmed up (men tend to warm up faster than women, on average, and it's more enjoyable for both parties when everyone is fully into enjoying the moment). Or, in other situations where the CB wearer receives rather than dishing it out (pegging or homosexual male), but that's not really relevant to this thread.
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