To Purge or no to purge

Crossdressing as a part of or type of selfbondage.

To Purge or no to purge

Postby Hannahcutie » 27 Jun 2013, 17:18

Hey all,

I have recently decided to start dating again (age 27). The reason I stopped myself for the past few years was the last girl discovered my clothes and well, that was that. My problem is this, whats the best way to make sure no one discovers my clothes without having to throw them all away (and please dont say send them to you. I am looking for a serious resolution to this problem). Thanks.
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Re: To Purge or no to purge

Postby Blacky » 27 Jun 2013, 21:21

IMHO there is no other way than trying to find someone who will accept it. Given that CDing it is a part of you you won't be able to "just leave that behind / get rid of it".

Furthermore a partner should accept you fully if a long term relationship is the desired outcome. That too means that you should provide this information. Of yourse it may, or more probably, will hurt to not be accepted. But I am very confident that it will hurt way more if you build up a relationship, keep your fetish a secret, have her find out after months/years and then split.

So my advice is to be both faithful and honest.

Regards,

Blacky
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Re: To Purge or no to purge

Postby lj » 28 Jun 2013, 09:59

I strongly second Blacky's advice - been there, done that !

I am very fortunate My Lady accepted all but one of my kinks (as well as other aspects of finding out about them)

the one she will not accept is cross-dressing, so that's something I no longer do (the compensation is all the other things we do together :-) )

Some women are very accepting of cross-dressing - My Lady has no problem with other men cross-dressing, just not me. I know quite a few CDs with partners who either put up with it, or encourage it. Best option is to be honest, and hope your partner is one of the latter two, as you are sure to be found out one day.
be a switch, double the fun :-)
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Re: To Purge or no to purge

Postby eerie » 28 Jun 2013, 19:21

I think we are all doomed. The question is only how you are going to cope with that.

The thing is that females show lesser rate of deviations, that is genetic. The nature prefers to experiment on males because males spread genetic material much faster. And females are the measure of success of a certain mutation. If you are going to have an offspring that survives then you are successful from nature's point of view.

So, chances that you will find an accepting woman is much lesser than to just encounter a vanilla one that will dump you the first second you open up. Even bisexual women are not that accepting, they prefer to fuck either with woman or man but not something in between. Although that is just my experience. I don't say that it is never going to happen, but one should assess their chances... I think they are not high.

So, to sum up - if one's intention is to start start a family, have kids and die then it might be sensible to hide some details about yourself and enjoy them alone. Sad, but that is what I figured out after 28 years of living... still alone.
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Re: To Purge or no to purge

Postby bobbi » 28 Jun 2013, 22:14

i quit trying to hide my stuff and keep my secrets.

i do not go through as many girlfriends as i used to, but it feels a thousand times better being with people who already know the crazy shit and still like you than it does to be with people who only like what they only know of you.

this means i cannot just hit on random women at the bar, mind you, and that is fine. i have made some great friends via fetlife though. besides i am not the top so i do not really do the hitting, lol.
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Re: To Purge or no to purge

Postby bound_jenny » 29 Jun 2013, 00:04

eerie wrote:The thing is that females show lesser rate of deviations, that is genetic.


Oh really? :shock: I must be the exception, then, as are many other ladies of kinky bent. I must have some very, very naughty genes... :whip: :mrgreen: :rofl:

bobbi wrote:it feels a thousand times better being with people who already know the crazy shit and still like you than it does to be with people who only like what they only know of you


Words of wisdom. If there's one way to weed out real friends from fake ones (i.e. those who are just superficial) it's showing you're nuts. Fortunately, people are becoming more and more accepting of sexual diversity than they used to, though there are still many who shun anything that is not strictly orthodox vanilla - all else is evil and heresy.

There's no sense in denying your nature. It's what you are, period. Purging will get you nowhere except miserable. You're kinky and that's all.

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Re: To Purge or no to purge

Postby eerie » 29 Jun 2013, 09:11

bound_jenny wrote:Oh really? :shock: I must be the exception, then, as are many other ladies of kinky bent. I must have some very, very naughty genes... :whip: :mrgreen: :rofl:



Yep, but it is biology, you can never say for sure. Today they say that sugar is sweet, tomorrow it is bitter. All these sex studies are controversial. There is also some IQ test results, they show that males show higher variance, i.e. males can be exceptionally dumb or smart while females tend to stay in the middle. Sorry, can't find any links, that was in some book (no, not from 18th century :lol: ) and I don't have it any more.

I have no doubt in your naughty genes :wink: The question is in ratio male/female. And, I guess, all of us are also looking for some extra qualities in a partner, not only naughty mind. Even if you throw away all kink, I still think it is hard to find a good compatible partner... because I am not looking just for kink. I am not a dom or sub, I don't need slaves I don't want to be one, I just want a woman with unusual taste in sex... and life. And I don't want her to tolerate me... Unfortunately I consider myself to be a good mind reader, I always see what is on their mind. Too often I see that she is trying to accept me and just showing me her mercy. But no, I don't want to be that last resort variant: "Oh, ok if I'll not find someone better, this pervert can do as well"

So, although I don't hide myself any more, I still think it might make sense sometimes, depends on what you are trying to achieve.
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Re: To Purge or no to purge

Postby eerie » 29 Jun 2013, 09:19

Fortunately, people are becoming more and more accepting of sexual diversity than they used to, though there are still many who shun anything that is not strictly orthodox vanilla


Acceptance is some very ambiguous term... It does make difference on a large scale if deviations are accepted or not. For example, I accept gays but it doesn't mean that I'll find it arousing to have sex with a male. I just don't like man, but when I see a woman my eyes instantly stick to her butt :lol: So, what acceptance is good for when you start picking individuals? Not so much, it is not like the majority of population suddenly wants you, you are just a curiosity, luckily not an abomination any more. The quest of finding a partner is still there.
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Re: To Purge or no to purge

Postby bound_jenny » 29 Jun 2013, 09:44

eerie wrote:males can be exceptionally dumb or smart


ROFLMAO... :rofl:

Couldn't resist... it's funny because it's so true. Though the smart ones are those that tend to keep quiet about it. They don't show off, they don't unnecessarily talk loudly, they don't brag, and they don't perform stunts preceded by the fateful words, "Watch this...". Good indicators to my trained eye.

eerie wrote:while females tend to stay in the middle


Oh, there go my naughty genes again... :mrgreen:

eerie wrote:ome extra qualities in a partner, not only naughty mind


For me, a naughty mind is the extra quality! 8) You can find people with un-naughty minds for a dime a dozen.

Interestingly, I read somewhere, a couple of years back, that kinky people tend to be a bit above average in the IQ department. They seem to seek more variety and complexity in play of all types, not just sex.

eerie wrote:Acceptance is some very ambiguous term... It does make difference on a large scale if deviations are accepted or not.


I realize that. Maybe I didn't make a long enough dissertation to clearly explain all the dots on the i's and all the crosses on the t's. That's why I write "more and more". That means - in case it wasn't clear - that we've come some way along the path, but we still have some distance to go. To use your gay example, thirty years ago homosexuality was still considered an evil deviancy, but today, when there's the annual gay pride parade, or see a same-sex couple displaying their mutual love, we hardly bat an eyelash. Yes, I know, there are still some people who are firmly rooted in their intolerance of such things. If they had the liberty of doing so, they would still burn people at the stake for being different (Though I wouldn't mind being tied to a stake, just leave out the fire part. I can get pretty hot on my own... :wink: ).

The irony of it is that those throwbacks are slowly but surely becoming those that are "different". If they realized that one day, they would probably short out and self-destruct like a Star Trek computer being confused by Captain Kirk... :rofl:

Jenny.
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Re: To Purge or no to purge

Postby marylandsissy » 29 Jun 2013, 14:08

My wife can be a deviant little vixen when she wants to be. She was kinky before we ever met, I have been kinky since I can remember. I have dressed from the time I was 12. Now my dressing is a lot more refined, and complete. Purging will not help at all. I have done it several times, and it is expensive. The desire will rear its head again, you wll be back to square one.

Being honest with your partner will go a long way.
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Re: To Purge or no to purge

Postby Hannahcutie » 30 Jun 2013, 06:20

I want to thank all of you for your kind words. A lot of them i saw coming, but i wanted to make sure. I tend to find people to date via online sites (most recently POF.com, its like eHarmony, but its free) so would my best bet be to simply lay it all out there on my profile and let the chips fall where they may? that way there are no secrets. And to avoid sharing my identity with the world, i would simply only use my real name with people i am actually meeting with? Let me know your thoughts,

Hannah
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Re: To Purge or no to purge

Postby eerie » 30 Jun 2013, 09:20

bound_jenny wrote:Interestingly, I read somewhere, a couple of years back, that kinky people tend to be a bit above average in the IQ department.

I so don't like IQ tests and therefore can't prove it for myself :lol: What I know by watching myself is that I am more adaptable to changing [social] environment. Where my vanilla friends would bash their heads against a wall, just because they are men and they can do that, I'll just change my strategy and be done with it, with no harm to my pride whatsoever. 8)

bound_jenny wrote:I realize that. Maybe I didn't make a long enough dissertation to clearly explain all the dots

I am so sorry mistress. I promise, next time I'll be more attentive in my search for gems of wisdom you so carefully sprinkle over your messages. :gag: :whip:
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Re: To Purge or no to purge

Postby eerie » 30 Jun 2013, 09:30

Hannahcutie wrote: so would my best bet be to simply lay it all out there on my profile and let the chips fall where they may?


I do it in a slightly more subtle way. I put hints on my profile pages, I think people who know will get it. Mostly it is my movie list :lol: It contains "Ma vie en rose", "Hedwig and the Angry Inch", "A Soap" and so on. I have a photo in a bright neon wig :D
It is not HIV, I don't think it is that important... like, "Hey, my name is <X>, I am a professional pervert". Let people discover you, that way they will get more balanced image of you.
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Re: To Purge or no to purge

Postby bound_jenny » 30 Jun 2013, 09:31

eerie wrote:I am so sorry mistress. I promise, next time I'll be more attentive in my search for gems of wisdom you so carefully sprinkle over your messages. :gag: :whip:


A lesson well learned - never, ever irritate the Lady with the whip. :whip: :mrgreen: :P

Hannahcutie wrote:I want to thank all of you for your kind words. A lot of them i saw coming, but i wanted to make sure. I tend to find people to date via online sites (most recently POF.com, its like eHarmony, but its free) so would my best bet be to simply lay it all out there on my profile and let the chips fall where they may? that way there are no secrets. And to avoid sharing my identity with the world, i would simply only use my real name with people i am actually meeting with? Let me know your thoughts,

Hannah


Honesty is the best policy. Targeting your search among like-minded people might also help. You might try looking for someone in your local BDSM scene, though that might be a longer process. I agree that an online quest would be more effective because you're reaching out to a much wider base, raising the chances of finding someone who will accept and, of course, even participate in your kinky fun.

Good luck, Hannah!

Jenny.
Helplessness is a doorway to the innermost reaches of the soul.
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Kink is the spice of life!
Come to the Dark Side - we have cookies!
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Re: To Purge or no to purge

Postby restricted » 03 Jul 2013, 05:21

I wonder what the results would be if you posted your hobbies of cross dressing and bondage on a dating site.
We have ways of making you happily suffer. You WILL enjoy yourself. That's an order.
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