My first walk around the block

[Marissa]

So tonight was my first walk around the block.

This is me below. I posted these in another thread. They are just here for quick viewing. So I got dressed up because my wife said that she wants me to more often to try to relax. So tonight I did. I went all out with makeup and getting dressed up, I even shaved completely. I picked out a cute pink bra and panty set, then new nude hose with black polka dots (same ones I just bought my wife), tan mini skirt, white blouse, 4inch heeled boots, white coat and hat and scarf.

I had to wait until one of my neighbors stopped camping at his window, then I was off. I am pretty sure a neighbor saw me come from my house, but I already have a story about what he may have seen. Anyway, my walk was only 1/4 mile. While I was walking a neighbor I know was walking his dog. He just looked at me then whistled when I walked past him. He didn't really bat an eye because I can pass. And I am cute, so it makes it easy. I also had mace, my cell just in case. And I was set up with a safe call to my play partner.

I felt like my heart was going to explode in my chest the entire time. It was exhilarating, and terrifying at the same time. The cold on my shaved and hose covered legs felt amazing. I felt really truly alive. I felt sexy, and beautiful.

But now for the let down. I feel weird, unsure, guilty, confused. I know my wife wants me to do this kind of stuff. She was emphatic about it. But I don't know if I can. Being able to pass in front of someone that knows you is a huge thing for any crossdresser. I look at the mirror and see a woman now when I go all out. I don't look like a guy in a dress. And I wrote my wife and told her that passing is all I ever wanted to be able to do. Now that I have accomplished that, I don't know what is next.

When I got undressed, I decided to put everything away for a while. My Mistress is a great friend before she is my Mistress. So she said she will wait, because I need to get my head around things.

But, that walk was amazing. In November I arrived at the hotel dressed, and had to walk through the lobby to get to the room. Then Mistress had me search for the ice machine which meant I had to talk to someone. And I passed then too.

I have put a lot of effort to emulate women, or specifically to show Marissa is a female. I don't feel I portray myself as a woman in a bad light. In fact I highly respect women. Especially walking a quarter mile in high heels. My legs HURT! Ladies you have my respect.

[bound_jenny]

Great! You had a good time and you had your eyes opened to our world.

Take your time to digest your experience. Talk about it with your wife, which you're lucky to have as she is so understanding and supportive. But don't feel bad or weird about what you accomplished.

Jenny.

[Marissa]

Jenny, My wife is my world. Our marriage seems to be becoming an open relationship, which is fine because we both have needs but only share some of them. So we allow for the fulfillment of those needs, no questions asked, but there are rules.

I may have been noticed last night but my "cousin was having a fight with her boyfriend, and dropped her off and made her walk around the street to get her purse from the car because he is an asshole". Pretty vague, reasonable, and subjective to what people may have seen.

The experience was a mind blower. I have noticed that men will look at legs and boobs not at the face, and women tend to do the same thing, and by the time you pass them, they don't even try to look at your face. That is why I wear mini skirts and stuff my bra. I do need breast forms, and they will get bought some time.

But I need a break to evaluate myself. I will be talking to my wife tonight when she gets home.

[steelcollar]

You are correct for this guy, noticing legs and boobs first. I spotted a woman coming my way in a big-city train station waiting room; she was wearing a nice pair of black tights, which I find really erotic. It was only when she got within ten feet that I noticed she was wearing a wide collar, with a ring in front. She was walking rapidly the other way, and since I could not follow her for fear of missing my train, I will never know the story on the collar.

[Marissa]

Unfortunately my wife, well I caught her cheating on me. That is why she wanted me to play more often. To get rid of her guilt. So everyone, sorry for the drama. I am putting my stuff away for a while because now I feel cheap. I feel that urge to purge, but I am just boxing stuff up, even the newest stuff I just friggin bought.

[bound_jenny]

Hang in there, Marissa. What you need most in times like this are friends, and you have a whole forum full of them here.

We're all pulling for you, and will give you a big hug if we could.

Jenny.

[bounddosster]

Likewise, hugs and sloppy stuff.

What ever you do, don't purge, you'll only regret it later. Marissa is a fine looking lady hope to see more of her.

[Marissa]

I hate to admit it, but with as many times as I have had my heart ripped out by women, I may change sides. This is just too much. I decided to not purge, I am never going to do that again. I have hundreds in hosiery and shoes, and clothes another few hundred. Then the makeup which totals up fast. The walk I feel I did because I was hyper stressed, not the best time to make decisions. But I did enjoy it beyond belief.

My Mistress (CD Mistress) has become just my friend for now, because that is what I need, friends not play partners. It isn't the truth that hurts it is the lying about it and covering up who it is. My buddies and I went to dinner tonight, and we had a good time. I have been seeing a counselor for almost 2 years now, and I am close to revealing Marissa to him, mainly because it took me this long to trust him. Wife will be entering counseling, then we will also be taking on marriage counseling. I don't believe in giving up easy on marriage. Too many people just give up.

Thank you Jenny and Thank you all for letting me spill this bit of drama.

[ponylady]

glad to hear you don't give up, marissa.

a question: did your wife knew about your cd mistress and consent ?

[Marissa]

Yes she knew. Yes she consented. But I feel she did so with other motives. She had encouraged me to find play partners, and I could play as long as she knew with who, when and where. But it just didn't feel right, so I stopped. Then I met my current Mistress, who is now just a friend, and a very good friend at that. And every time I played it was with strict no sex hard limits. Just bondage and dressing up.

My wife still, even with all the fighting, wants me to play and I have refused since November. I just don't want to play right now. Do I love getting dressed up? Yes, it makes me feel sexy, and pretty, which is something guy underwear and clothes just are not designed for. Would I play again? Not sure, this marriage needs work and it is more important than hobbies. I am dedicated to my vows and I am hoping my wife is as well. She has problems that she has hidden from me for several years. I do not believe in dropping someone because they have problems, against the vows and every other promise I have made to her. She hid them because she thought I would not accept her, and love her, and I told her she never gave me the chance.

It is a long bumpy road, and I am hoping it has a happy ending, but life is no fairy tale.

[bound_jenny]

Your words say a lot - you want this marriage to work. And you show that you have an open heart and are willing to work hard to fix whatever problems you have between you. There isn't much more that can be said to describe someone who is truly noble.

There is a lot of work on communication. It's all about talking and accepting whatever difficulties and weaknesses the other has, and working together to preserve the vows you took. My parents were married for fifty years, until my Mom passed on. It worked for them because they knew from the start that a marriage is more than just two people living together, it's two people living as one, working together, loving together, always thinking about the welfare of the other. They really had a good chemistry between them. I believe you can do it too, both of you.

Hang in there, Marissa. Keep believing what you believe down in your heart. We believe in you.

Jenny.

[Marissa]

@ Jenny