As of this date, I guess I'm the new guy

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Punching Bag
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Joined: 08 Aug 2017, 02:15

As of this date, I guess I'm the new guy

Post by Punching Bag »

Hello everyone.

I’ve only just now found this place and I’m amazed at all the interesting stuff here – ideas, scenarios, many like-minded people… wow! I’m going to have a lot of fun just exploring.

I’ve been into being tied up ever since I was a small boy and an older female cousin (my senior by two years) used to tie me up every time we played together. My aunt – her mother – would always run over to make sure that we weren’t wrapping anything too tightly around my neck and, beyond that, she left us alone. By the time we were approaching puberty, the sexual curiosity of young adolescents began to filter into the play mix. My aunt’s concerns for safety sent the message that there was absolutely nothing wrong with our play as long as we were safe.

I discovered that my being bound and tortured filled two cravings that I had. The first was that I had a definite need to be punished for my errors. I needed the catharsis that genuine punishment delivers and being tied up during my punishments forced me to accept my fate.

The second craving I discovered was that I got a different sort of catharsis when I was forced to please my cousin or later on, other torturers.

There were a couple of times when she included some of her girlfriends and the embarrassment added to my suffering.

To my surprise, one of my cousin’s friends was SUPER sadistic.
This girl was about 15 years old when I was eleven. I never knew her name.
But my cousin had tied me to a tree and left.
This girl showed up a few minutes later and did some really bad things – certainly things that would be considered abusive and non-consensual by today’s standards.

But back then, no one thought of such things and, when all was said and done, I never told anyone about it including my cousin.
This girl slapped my face, kicked my balls, yanked on my penis until I thought it was going to pop off, and took a piece of small rope, tied it around my balls and tied the other end onto a stick. She then took great pleasure in popping the slack out of the rope with the stick and gleefully laughing at the sight of my writhing in pain as my balls felt like they were going to explode.
Also, when her hand tired of slapping me, she started beating my face with her fists.
After a while, my cousin came back to untie me and this girl joked around with my cousin for a while and then, left.

Now here is the weird part. I fell completely in love with this girl and crushed on her for YEARS.
I only ever saw her a few times after that and never got to be her victim again.
She had a different life and soon moved away. But the forced abuse did not traumatize me at all.
Rather, the feeling that I most remember was the way I LOVED being able to be available for this girl to do something she LOVED!
To this day, I still cannot quite explain it.

I have been this way ever since and amazingly, I ended up marrying a woman that was not quite that sadistic, but plenty cruel in her own way. We were married for over 20 years and, during that time, I got plenty of opportunities to search my own feelings and learn just where it was that this masochism I possessed had its roots.

My wife became quite adept at delivering needed punishments for my sins and relished stringing me up to watch me dance at the end of her whip.

We divorced in 2010 for reasons other than the sex and BDSM. Sadly, it was NOT my idea to divorce.

Anyway, I could talk about this all night but suffice it to say, I sort of feel like I am among kindred spirits here.

Since my divorce though, I have discovered self-bondage as a way of attaining MOST of the catharsis that I crave – but not all of it completely. I have found that I can live without some of it because it is easier to do without a bondage partner than it is to risk getting into a bad relationship.

Also, I don’t go to professional dominatrices because I have found that I too easily fall in love with them.
I visited one woman in Atlanta. I told her that I indeed needed to be genuinely abused badly, not because I’m such a pain pig, but because I needed to receive genuine punishment and the catharsis it would give.

I needed to suffer for real. Honestly, I am not one of these guys that goes around telling people that I have no limits.
Instead, I am one of these guys that gets scared to death that I will end up in the emergency room or someplace similar and I know things are going to really hurt bad!

Again, it’s not that I crave pain. I crave catharsis. The fear also plays a key in my catharsis.

She tied me up in a high strappado (according to my wishes) and beat me with a cane until I thought I was going to faint.

In fact, I think that she might have even broken one cane and had to get another.I couldn’t tell because she was behind me.

I begged her to please forgo the safety words because it was very important that I not be allowed to stop what was going to happen.
This was important to me

She and I discussed this ahead of time and this gal is truly a skilled and genuine professional.
She did inform me that this was against her better judgment but she also understood my need.

We agreed that she alone would decide when I’d had enough and also, that it would be better for her to err on the side of cruelty and abuse rather than letting me off easy.

It was just what I had asked for and just what I got.

The problem that arose for me over the following weeks was that I became very love sick for her.
I thought I was going to die of a broken heart. I still am right now, very much in love with her and yet, I know that I cannot have her.

She is certainly not interested at all in any sort of relationship with me other than as a customer.
I don’t make the sort of money that would allow me to visit her often and too, I don’t live anywhere near Atlanta.
I also have sensitive work and I would lose my job if any of this ever got out.

So, this is where the self-bondage has really been advantageous for me.
I have begun to experiment with some scenarios that I know ahead of time, are going to be dammed cruel and so, long hours of intense bondage have become quite a good substitute for an intense thrashing, considering my life’s situation.

Ok, I’m just saying hello and I hope to learn a lot here.
Last edited by qwerty212 on 08 Aug 2017, 07:42, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: There was a huge block of text. I have included some line breaks to make it more reader-friendly
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qwerty212
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Re: As of this date, I guess I'm the new guy

Post by qwerty212 »

Punching Bag wrote:As of this date, I guess I'm the new guy
Yes, it seems so :wink:

Welcome to the community :hi:
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bound_jenny
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Re: As of this date, I guess I'm the new guy

Post by bound_jenny »

Welcome to the forum! :hi:

Jenny.
Helplessness is a doorway to the innermost reaches of the soul.
If my corset isn't tight, it just isn't right!
Kink is the spice of life!
Come to the Dark Side - we have cookies!
Punching Bag
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Joined: 08 Aug 2017, 02:15

Re: As of this date, I guess I'm the new guy

Post by Punching Bag »

Thanks everyone for the welcome.
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ponylady
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Re: As of this date, I guess I'm the new guy

Post by ponylady »

Welcome aboard.
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cdinbonds
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Joined: 08 Apr 2006, 21:12
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Re: As of this date, I guess I'm the new guy

Post by cdinbonds »

Welcome!
There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons - for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
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