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mymy42
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New member

Post by mymy42 »

Hello,

I already write a few post and realized I didn't took time to present myself. Warning, it may be longer than expected, go grab some coffee !

I've been a visitor of this forum, a few times in the past, but never registered. Now I'm coming back and finally decided to register to share my fantasies.

As many of you already pointed, I got interested in bondage/restraits already as child without knowing it. When playing police/thief games with fake cuffs, I remember I wanted to be cuffed but wouldn't admit it too loud because I feared what other children may have said.

Today, my kinky interests are (I will develop more on these below)
- bondage/restraint (self)
- e-stim
- cross-dressing
- public - but I never experimented so far

I am a male, 30 years, and have a girlfriend for almost 5 years now. She is very straight in her relation with sex. She enjoys regular sex, no problem with that, but it's mostly "on the bed, in the dark or low dim light" and she's not much imagination (she even admitted that she never watched porn on internet. I was amazed! Like, never never? I told her how easy it is nowaday, with some hope she would and get a few ... ideas).

Therefore, I never told her about my other 'interested' that I practiced secretly so far. I'm planning too, but as there is a looooong way between her 'sex world' and mine, that I don't want to push the things to quickly. It will be fantasies one by one. This has been fine so far, because we had both our own flat, so I could hide my stuff without much risk she could find it. Over a few years, I had accumulated quite a lot of items: e-stim box + many trodes and inserts, harness, cuffs, chains, some bondage gear, lots of girl clothes, ...

But this year, we decided to move on and live together. As I wanted to eliminate all risk, I resign myself from keeping all these stuff and throw everything away, persuading me that it was 'bad', and that I should focus more on my girlfriend (to be honest, for a period, I was so excited by some expirements that I enjoyed less regular sex). Now my kinks come back haunting me and I regret having throw away everything... I wanted to take the least risk that she or a friend discover something during our move to the new flat you know.

Now we are installed, and I start to be confident again that I could - for the time being - get some gear again and hide it. I keep in mind the goal of letting her know so that she may allow me to practice and let me alone. For the time being, I have really no hope and the road is long.

So I introduced briefly my interests, let me say a bit more about them... First e-stim... whooo, so good! Electricity has been always fascinated (both in the good and bad way) and really enjoyed (Sorry, have the speak in the past form for now!) the sessions I had, long and smooth with lot of edging and probably the best orgasms I ever had. There are so many combination that every time was a different experience. I would like to try a power box with audio input, and maybe also with microphone for some more 'unexpected' behaviors. I would love to 'punish' myself, and I will try to do something with combined e-stim and the motion detection software. I really would to push the intensity of stim a bit higher (only a bit) just to move from the comfortable zone to unwanted movement (just the time that the body acclimate to it) but I always feared to push the knob too high and get a jolt.

Then I said bondage. I went into self-bondage as I said because I ever enjoyed it I think. I sticked to the basic thought and have a lot to discover there. I read a lot of advices from the boundanna website though! I have a lot of ideas that I noted recently, but need to first get the gear and planify well the things.

Cross-dressing, because... I love sooo much girl clothes! Well, first, I love girl bodies. I mean, they have so nice shapes with their boobies, hips. I love their curves and therefore I love their clothes. They are so different from mans clothes. I mean, girls have some delicate sweat light things... I love wearing a bra and the feeling it makes... I love stockings... Swimwear: bikinis, and one-pice... and skirts/dress.
But don't make me say what I haven't: I would not change from being a man and I'm happy like that! If I could be a girl just for one day however... :oops: Well, who didn't dreamed of that? They also have the advantage of having several orgams in a row, while for men it's a bit more difficult (Even if some can! Lucky you!).
So I usually do cross-dressing to get the feeling of these clothes. I used to have a pair of fake boob to make some filling to the bra and feel the weight and it fellt awesome. I wish I had boobs (for 1 day...), real one, bouncing with me :P. I had a wig, was cool but not essential for me (I usually don't like to see my face while cross-dressed). I also never used makeup, and refuse to shave my full body (I would probably enjoy, but this would be suspicious I guess. I don't have much reason to do so).

Lastly I mentionned public bondage. I never did but would like to try really simple thing like go shopping with a bra under my regular clothes, and a plug. I leave in a place with no place for extravagances. People are really straight, and it's a small town, so there is a high chance that somebody recognize me. I would like to try however anything that is not directly visible.

Almost to the end.... So what I'm going to do next?
I usually buy all sex/kink material on the web - mostly from china because it's cheap. I have an incoming order (something unsuspicious), to test the postal service in my new place. I want to make sure that my girlfriend doesn't see packets I'm receiving (and asking what's in there...). In between, I do some planning: what I'm going to buy (make a priority list) to start as quick as possible (even if I may start with household material), and also plan a few things to do and plan all that stuff. The more material I have, the more complicated it will be (and with all the planification it takes)... Which won't be easy, as now I have a fulltime girlfriend at home :P

When I'll be ready, I will start a thread with a TODO list of everything I'd like to reasonably try. You'll be involved too, to propose new dares!

Whooo, If she ever knew all the things I just wrote in there...

TL;DR Happy to be there, and you'll hear from me soon!
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FatherOfFour
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Re: New member

Post by FatherOfFour »

Welcome to the Forum,
and be sure there are (me also) more than a few fellows here married/paired with vanilla spouses...

I don't want to clutter an already long thread, but later I'll be back with my experience and view on the subject

Have fun, share if You can
f4
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bound_jenny
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Re: New member

Post by bound_jenny »

Welcome to the forum! :hi:

Jenny.
Helplessness is a doorway to the innermost reaches of the soul.
If my corset isn't tight, it just isn't right!
Kink is the spice of life!
Come to the Dark Side - we have cookies!
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ponylady
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Re: New member

Post by ponylady »

welcome aboard.
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mymy42
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Re: New member

Post by mymy42 »

Thanks for the warm welcome!
FatherOfFour wrote:Welcome to the Forum,
and be sure there are (me also) more than a few fellows here married/paired with vanilla spouses...

I don't want to clutter an already long thread, but later I'll be back with my experience and view on the subject
Oh, this is good to hear that I'm not alone. I would be more than interesting in starting a thread to discuss about this topic and see how people manage the situation, did they solved it, what worked for them. In my personnal case, I would like to release my secret to her in the end. I'm not sure about how to do it...

If there is any existing thread or worth-to-know posts/stories on the forum, I'd be happy if anyone can share the links.
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bound_jenny
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Re: New member

Post by bound_jenny »

mymy42 wrote:I would be more than interesting in starting a thread to discuss about this topic and see how people manage the situation
There are a few on that subject. If you use the search tool and enter words like "spouse" "wife" "girlfriend" or "tell my spouse" etc., you'll probably find at least one of those.

My fellow moderator lj is one such case, where he thought his wife was vanilla, but turned out to be quite kinky after he discussed it with her.

Jenny.
Helplessness is a doorway to the innermost reaches of the soul.
If my corset isn't tight, it just isn't right!
Kink is the spice of life!
Come to the Dark Side - we have cookies!
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CaptainJoe
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Re: New member

Post by CaptainJoe »

Hi :hi: and welcome aboard!

Considering the length of your introduction, you're hiding quite a big part of your personality from your friend. Why? Don't you love her? Don't you trust her love for you? Do you believe that a rejection won't hurt as much after such a long time?
I've told my then girlfriend/ now wife about a month after we've decided that the relationship is for real. That was 358 months ago. No, she isn't into any of my kinks, but I have a two-legged backup. :mrgreen:

jm2c,
Joe.
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We won't stop nagging - because we care!
Fifer
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Re: New member

Post by Fifer »

Might be best just to come clean and tell your girlfriend about your love of kink. It took a while for me to summon up the courage to tell my partner, but the last thing I wanted was for her to come home unexpectedly and find me chained/tied up, wearing thigh high boots and a butt plug. That would have taken a lot more explaining. Nowadays, if she finds me in self bondage she just rolls her eyes and shakes her head.
You'll feel better for letting her know, I certainly felt like I'd taken a weight off my shoulders when I told my other half about my interests in self bondage. You never know, she too may harbour kinky desires.
mymy42
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Re: New member

Post by mymy42 »

Hi Captain and Fifer,

Thanks for your inputs and sorry for the long time before this reply, I've been very busy these days...

Captain, you are totally right. I'm hiding totally from my girlfriend and writing this introduction has been a bug relief to share this finally with other people.

As I said, I really want to tell her but don't want to push the things. One step after another. She's totally vanilla and the road is long. For the moment it's not to hard to live with it because I don't practice very much, but there are times where it comes back again and would like to enjoy my kinks when I want to.

I don't know if she would enjoy bondage, and I don't even know if I would enjoy doing it with her. I love to do self-bondage because I don't fear putting me in humiliating situations or introduce some pain in the game. I wouldn't like to put my GF in such situations nor doing her some pain, and I don't feel ready to be the slave. Probably I would introduce with very light restraint, no fear, and do some soft and lovely play.

Anyway, I need a plan yet... Interestingly, since I've posted my introduction here, we had much more open discussion about sex than ever before. And she didn't stopped the conversation, even if I could feel her limits to what she would agree and what not. For example, I'd love to have one of these remotely controlled vibrator that she would wear during a dinner or whatever, but she said she wouldn't because she feared from what I would do and when I would use it.

So there is some work. First would be probably to introduce new elements to our vanilla sex. We don't use toys, so it could be a good starting point. To show that we can have intimate moment not only together but also together with a toy that improves our time.

I thought also about watching 50 shades of grey, which we haven't seen. I know she started reading the book but didn't finished the first one, so won't be easy. But we could any watch the film so then I would open the discussion whether she would enjoy doing things like that, which role she would prefer, etc...

What do you think about that?

I have read numerous posts about situation like mine and each one is different. That would be great if at least if she doesn't get in the mood, she would allow me to have my moments. So that for example I say "I go on the computer" and close the door, she's ok.

I want to explore this part of my sexuality. Maybe I won't enjoy it and will stop after some time, but at least I would have tried.

EDIT: After reading captain's questions: I love and trust her. I fear more the rejection. When we met, I had only see bondage videos and imagine the idea in my head. Then things made that while we were together I could get the tools to finally experiment it. I had my own flat and she wasn't there all the time. So I had plenty of time for my moments. Now we moved together and I don't want to hide it to her, first because it's now difficult, second because as you said the more time passes, the more difficult it will be.
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ponylady
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Re: New member

Post by ponylady »

hy fifer,

since you know your GF best you should be the one who can devise the best way to proceed.

if she is vanilla, it should be nonthreatening situations.

for example, surprise her with a romantic dinner @ home (candlelight dinner, rose petals, etc).
maybe even ask her to dress up for the occassion once she's seen your prepped room & table.
when you have seated her, use some of her scarves to blindfold & bind her hands behind her back. (being "soft" items she's familiar with should reduce anxiety.).
have fun now feeding her, touch her, arouse her
(i think you get the drift). make her "squirm" a bit before you serve dinner & remove the blindfold.

make plans how to proceed after dinner, but be sure to mentally play out alternative scenarios & follow her "lead". gauge her reactions & take it from there.

as you said you had good discussions, it's just a question of how to make it fun for both
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cdinbonds
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Re: New member

Post by cdinbonds »

Welcome!
There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons - for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
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